But…I’m a Christian

The moment in the church where your head is bowed and the words start writing non-erasable marks on your heart, your eyes start to fill like a waterfall, you have to swallow as you fell a lump in your throat, and the Pastor says… Let the church say Amen. At this point in church, you are normally feeling warm and fuzzy and full in your Spirit.

I hope you guys will leave a comment after reading this as it seems to be more and more of a topic in today’s society.

God cleaning mess

I find myself wondering why it is that people that Christians find it so necessary to over advise they are a Christian, but not necessarily take the word in the good book as the gospel. As people that swear by the name one moment and the next promotes racism or judging the next person; I believe we are forced to look at these being reasons why some of our churches aren’t growing. I don’t believe you can yell you are a Christian while badgering people about their past and bringing up their skeletons that are buried 6 feet under. As time passes, I find myself wondering what makes this person so worthy to judge. I don’t care the amount of time you have spent in a sanctuary clapping, praising, and dimly smiling at others. If your heart isn’t’ in the right place, the man above is going to know this. I don’t proclaim to be an expert on the bible, but last I checked he doesn’t support racism as he created all the races. Nor does he leave us believing that judging one another’s past or chastising them is one party’s duty. In fact, I believe he shares that the way you judge one another will be the way you are judged and the same for forgiveness.


Please save the expressive praise and the snide remarks if your heart isn’t in the right place. I am not speaking to people newly becoming a Christian as it is a process. I am speaking to the self-righteous parties who find it amusing to cast the first stone without knowing the background. Don’t forget that the devil lurks in the same isle of a sanctuary as the highly favored proclaimed saint. Most parties during their toughest times battle between the course they take and their spirit. I wrote a few weeks back about The Battle between Good and Evil for a reason. So many of us hold this title so high, but can’t find a way to get past turning the Bible pages quick enough to downplay someone else’s blessing. What is it in a person’s heart and thoughts that give them such superiority??? Where and when did it become ok to set the bar on folks and what they have overcome? The song, You Don’t Know My Story…. Will forever bring tears to my eyes as if we just took a moment to learn this about people, maybe, just maybe we could gain understanding versus giving a side eye. We all have overcome something, no matter how big or small, relevant to others or non-relevant. God set our journeys and our path according to a word that some of us will never understand. You can’t be living and trying to be in his image if you hate a group of people based on the color of their skin, which they had no choice in. You can be a Christian and still love those that love the same sex or gender parties. If we as Christians can sit in a church and watch the Power of God heal people from illness, handicaps, infertility…can we let him be the final judge??? I am unsure why so many people have a hard time showing the agape love that God shows us. If you set back for just a moment and think about the things you have done in your life that are in that box “Just for Jesus/God” then I am sure you can view things a little different. If you read this and tell yourself, you have nothing in that box… I am going to need you to sit and be more real with yourself. I am not saying this struggle is not always easy and I understand that as a Christian we want to bring others to God. However, there is a way to go about that and running them off first may only leave them with an impression that Christians don’t seem to conduct themselves in that light at all.

I believe as a Christian you can show other’s a love they have never known as God shows us. I am not saying it is always easy. I am saying make the choice to rise above it all and be better. You have a choice to be what so many articles share about joking about Christians being hypocrites or striving to model yourself to be better. Stop with the bold face lies, stop asking people to do what you wouldn’t or couldn’t do. Focus on your own growth and reach out to others as you feel lead by the Spirit and even then ask God to guide your tongue. I have found overtime that when I have been lead to do this… these talks go 100 times better than when I attempt to speak on my own opinion. The battle with this can be real and you may question if it is the right thing to do. You will know it is if you are being pulled to say something versus just attempting to make the wining point or be right in a conversation. Yep, I said conversation, not agreement. Have some compassion for what others struggle with and you don’t have to understand it as it is not your journey. Many journeys have more similarities than others are willing to admit. Is a drug dealer attempting to provide for his family different from the boardroom executive that is doing the same, but clearly took a different path? (Clearly some take a different path for different reasons) If you find that you are holier than thou and should be important enough to carry out the sentencing of forgiveness and judging for God, you may want to speak with him about that first and see how he leads you. After all, you are supposed to understand his word and be continuing to grow in it.

One additional note, so many of us get caught up in the hype of what others think of us. Believe me, you will reach a point of no return with this one. If they can’t get past what they know of you or who you used to be, you should re-evaluate if you are able to stay in that friendship or relationship at that point in your live. Unfortunately, many Christians struggling with their faith and living differently many mean that everyone is not on board. You have to be ok with that and use the Spirit of discernment to guide you through. Stop taking words to live by just because it is a Christian putting them out there. You can still be polite, but you don’t have to subject yourself to people that can’t understand the choice you have made to be a Christian and what your past brings with that. Learn to differentiate between those that come to you in sheep’s clothing shooting their opinion of your story versus being willing to focus on their own.

I by no means wrote this to make fun of the Christian faith. I have by far not been the perfect Christian in any way, shape, nor means. However, I am self-aware versus self-righteous, more understanding than most versus attempting to condemn, and know that God knows my heart. Let’s pull together and show people that amazing feeling you had the first time you walked into a church that everyone greeted you and smiled and the neighbor next to you spoke to you as the Pastor directed or didn’t because they were just glad to see another party in the church. You never know who escaped suicide to get there, the husband/wife that has beat them the night before, the drug addict asking for God’s guidance, the teenager considering hurting someone else, the person that has the weight of the world on their shoulders and are looking for that word on how to carry on. Let’s make it about more than a name and a stigma, Let’s Make it Real!!!!

If you enjoyed reading this blog, please check out The Power of Strongholds, Learning to Forgive, The Battle between Good and Evil.


Battle between Good and Evil

Somewhere in between the good, bad, and the evil is a person of flesh, a brain, a heart, and a pulse. We may all be made up of different DNA, but those few things ring true in all of us. It doesn’t change based on what God we pray to, how we practice our religion, what politician we vote for, or who we love. I wonder as we take a look in the mirror and I mean a real look, what we see? Is it someone you can be proud of? Have you learned how to deal with your stress and mistakes? I say all that to say that I feel so many times we are so quick to judge others or exude a lack of compassion because someone made a decision we would not have made. No matter how much of an eternal optimist I am, I still have to be careful of biases that can be built up based on situations, interactions, and perceptions.

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Disney depicts it in many of their cartoons so children learn from an early age how people that may bring you harm looks like, may smell, or give you a weird vibe. I believe the battle is much like what I have seen from commercials of their new move Inside Out discussing one’s emotions. Emotions and our thoughts drive so much of it. I say that to say our emotions drive us many times when the race is just beginning. As a child, I used to wonder if thunder and lightning were the result of good and evil on the battle field. I wondered if the impact they brought were based on one side tackling the other side.

I wonder for those that don’t believe there is a battle daily on this Earth, how they account for or view some of the things that happen on this Earth by the humans that live here daily. We are so quick to blame others for the consequences that come with the decisions we have made. At what point do we recognize that everyone’s walk, challenges, and self-awareness is on different levels. It doesn’t mean one is more right or wrong, but rather that it makes us who we are. While one little girl that is molested by a family member will turn to women for comfort, the other little girl in the same situation will use it as motivation to give children a voice and possibly a safe haven to escape that scenario. We don’t all come with the same circuits in us to make a stance in the community and there are other ways to make an impact. It isn’t always about being in the limelight after coming through the dark. Sometimes your journey is to overcome that darkness, either way the battle continues.

We may never be able to understand the reason why the little boy that has been in and out of foster homes ends up with a foster family that beats him. It is like getting to the end of the tunnel to not find the light, but only more darkness. I do believe that just as God rules us all, with free will and choice and the devil and demons running free… it comes out in the actions of people of the world today. So it is no different from the person at work that never seems to be in a joyful mood to the women you only hear negative stories from. I don’t personally care who you believe rules the sky, heals people, nor if you believe there are gates of heaven to enter. However, I think we would be a little naïve not to admit there is a struggle daily here. Innocent people are shot daily, racism is at an all-time high and I wonder when some of you will take a step back to evaluate what is going on in the world today and within yourselves.

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Are you willing to view the things you may not see? Not watching the news or reading CNN doesn’t change that. I always wonder how it is that we have a lottery to give money away after people spend money, but we have a ton of homeless people out there along with children with no place to safely call home or have a meal. We have companies sponsoring huge sports events, but could more of that go to charity. Why are we paying for roads that everyone has to use to get somewhere and the prices continue to increase…? Is the amount of pavement and tools increasing?? As terror events happen and we can’t seem to come together for one common good no matter who runs the US based on his skin; where do the masses matter???

I just ask you to come be self-aware first and foremost. Then take it a little further and recognize when you are letting the evil and wrong things creep into your head, heart, and the people around you. I ask you to open you heart and learn how to love thy neighbor and get to know them for who they are and not based on their skin, hair type, piercing, tattoos, eye color, height, weight, etc. Learn to just love people based on those things that we will always have in common and never change.

What team will you play on?

Are you looking to toss the football from a positive to a negative arena? Will you suit up in sports gear to protect yourself, your heart, or soul for whichever team you play on? Which side will your eternal makeup pull you towards and dominate.

Much like the battles that Batman, Superman, and the Transformers are against in the comics or like the offense and defense in sports. Are you looking to toss the football from a positive to a negative arena? So you have the ball and are headed down the field attempting to fake out the defense and as you get closer to the touchdown and you have all the feelings and thoughts that run through your head. Will you suit up in sports gear to protect yourself, your heart, or soul for whichever team you play on? Which side will your eternal makeup pull you towards and dominate??

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Where is the Faith?

This one is for the little girl that has had a life full of nightmares that run into reality and left her learning of some of the monsters that turned into people she loved and adored. The nightmares that seemed so real and full of unspoken truths that left her in tears at night until the day the record was set straight and the purpose for them all came into clear view.

    So many of us struggle with this one daily. The word tells us that having faith the size of a mustard seed will suffice. I don’t think that most of us don’t stride for this, but it is the doubt and the whispers that keep us from watering this seed consistently. Perhaps it is the one trap we fell for that we said our entire lives we would never fall for or the lack of allowing ourselves to live as we had a child earlier than planned. I know there is power in his name. I know that he can do anything and that by his grace and mercy he can bestow that upon me as well. I do find myself wondering and doubting just as others do. As lives curve balls come faster than you can catch many times… we find ourselves wondering how to piece together the shattered photos of the dreams that once seemed so close.


    In just the last five years the stories of layoffs and struggling families alone can make you question what the future holds. I happened to be out lunch one day and ran across a waitress that began chatting a bit. She shared a snip it of her story… She had a few children of her own and later met a man, fell in love and they combined families as one. She went on to share details and that when things didn’t work out for her and this guy he left and left his kids. She was now not only caring for her own but these additional children and trying to make ends meet. In my head, I instantly think how this had to leave her in such a rough spot. However, this young lady went on to share that it hasn’t been easy, but God has continue to make away for her caring and providing for 7 children on her own. She is now in her early 40’s and making ends meet the best way she can. The thing that stood out most was her spirit and her uplifting nature. She didn’t let this situation bring her down and completely took everything back to God. She said the thing that kept her going was knowing these innocent children only had her to depend on. I just thought it was so touching and honest. I don’t think everyone would have been willing to take in the additional children and care for them versus attempting to get them to child protective services. I will randomly be dropping by surprises for her as her spirit touched mine.I share this as so many of us are going through things and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We won’t all get a lesson like this, but in whatever format it comes in… you may not feel ready or prepared, but best believe there is an end point.

    In our ongoing search with faith, it will be tested and tested again. If we are to say we know Jesus and believe he can do anything. Do we believe he can heal cancer? Can people go from being homosexual to heterosexual? Can we love others as God truly loves us and not seek perfection in that person? I hear so many of us question if it is possible, but in the same breathe discuss the miracles of God. If our faith just needing a jolt or is our faith there?

    My own faith has taken such hard hits over the years. I can name three times when I most certainly questioned it all. Once was when my mom got very sick while I was in college. At the time, I had a relationship with God, but wasn’t always so forthcoming with my struggle. The others were pertaining to deaths in the family. Anyone that knows me well, knows I haven’t always known how to deal with deaths occurring. In 2005 my maternal grandfather passed. He was the first person that passed in my family that left me questioning so much. I was so angry!!!  I had never felt so much confusion and anguish. I was questioning why and everything else in the book. While dealing with that grief to only find out that my maternal grandmother had stage 4 cancer and it was just being diagnosed. She passed 6 months after my grandfather and man… it was a rough year. Trying to handle my own grief and be there for my mom and strong for the fam. It just all takes a toll. As many of you know, my father passed in 2011. I can’t say my faith was shaken as much by this point, but my relationship with God had grown. However, I did question a lot of things. I really found myself having to make time to pray and ask God for strength to return to work and be productive. I found myself either not sleeping or getting so tired to the point that I would only sleep. If I wouldn’t have looked to God for understanding, peace, trying to get my motivation back. I can see how people never get back to who they were as I find myself forever changed each time someone near and dear passes on.

    The one thing I have found is that when I make time to get the word in, my faith seems stronger and stronger. It is when I am needing to water my roots and feed my spirit that my faith seems so dim. I believe we also have to find a way to let go of what we envision our life to be. I can honestly say, my life is nothing like what I envisioned. I am not saying I have a bad one, just not what I thought it would be at this time of my life. I can’t explain why things have or have not come together, but one thing I know for sure is that God has always come through. He didn’t show up on my timeline or anyone else’s, but all needs were spoken for.

    We may never know why our relationships with some people didn’t last??  Why we aren’t in the field we thought we would be in??? Why we aren’t parents or married yet??? Why some of the things that happen in the world make it appear that evil is winning on the scoreboard… but I can say for sure that God is always there. Turn to him with your tears, fears, and be honest about what you need as all your wants just aren’t always what is best for us.

 If you enjoyed reading this blog…feel free to check out The Power of Strongholds on page two of the site.


The Power of Strongholds

What has happened in your life that has brought on doubt, disappointment, concerns to move forward? Where does it all begin? Is it in what you see, hear, or your own internal make up? What from your past is holding you back? Is it a prior relationship with your parent or parents or lack thereof? Is it a history of physical or verbal abuse? A prior rape or molestation? Infertility or early age pregnancy?

I am a strong believer that strongholds exist and have the power to withhold you from reaching your destiny. I believe there is a battle daily on earth between good and evil. In this battle you will have to decide how you equip yourself to move forward. Do you fall down on the battlefield or do you fight with all your might through the days of tears and pure feeling like crude? A spiritual battle can be one of the toughest to endure. The struggle is real as they say. Strongholds are things that can weigh you down from reaching the heights the Lord has for you. Everyone may not be a believer, but all people have the worry of overcoming strong family issues or things your family has not seemed to be able to succeed past. I am a strong believer that strongholds exist and have the power to withhold you from reaching your destiny.

I feel the biggest ones amongst me have been financial, relationships, and secrets. I have shared a little in prior blogs about financial and relationships; there will be more to come in the book. The power in secrets is that they bind you to a fearful aspect of failing and letting others down that binds you like roots to a tree. I have been beyond guilty of this one. A secret in our lives is what the devil will play on even more. The devil knows we keep them due to fear and embarrassment. In these times, I felt that I could feel the devil breathing on my neck. That is real talk folks… the pressure of knowing he is waiting, watching, cheering and planning on you to fail is 100% real. As the scripture says, he was sent to steal, kill, and destroy. He knows your family secrets, your weaknesses, the areas to hit you at when you are already on the ground. The reason for this fear and embarrassment is due to not wanting to seem dumb, not have it all together, and just admit what we could have done differently. I truly believe to be able to break any stronghold; you also have to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. At some point you must allow yourself to breath from the situation, reflect, and rebuild. God calls us his people for a reason. He did not give his only son to taunt us for our daily sins. He granted you an opportunity to eternal life and a place to leave it all behind you. So many of us struggle with this. Believe me; I haven’t shared as much in this blog as yet is to come. This is allowing me to gear up to the points that will be listed in sharing my story in a more detailed manner.

As parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends are you willing to share your story without being worried about tarnishing our own name or image. (I am speaking of age appropriate stories.) My dad did not battle with this with me and if he did, I would have never known it. He was one that viewed it as you are my daughter and I would rather share my mistakes with you then see you repeat them because I did not advise you. He shared things that even at times my mom questioned him on why he would share such things. I came to love that that as my father always saw me as mature and having a good head on my shoulders and therefore we were always able to have candid heart to hearts. He was wise enough to know that as much as we discussed there were going to be something’s in the world that would come my way and I would have to decide what to do and perhaps if I knew the good, bad, the ugly then I can make an informed decision. My Momma Sharon was one the same. She was one of my girl’s moms, who have now passed. She not only knew how to be open with her own daughter, but as well with her besties. She let us know that we could always speak openly to her about anything. She never brought judgment or anger. She may have had a few choice words, but it was all in the way of guiding us to see all options. I believe communication helps people through so much, but we have to learn how to discuss things. The same as these two people were transparent with me is the same way I have had to become with God. I have given it all up to God. From the family that has wronged family, the friends that weren’t real friends, the people that stole from my father after his passing, the siblings that weren’t siblings until they felt it was convenient and forgiven myself for every mistake that I’ve made in my journey that was a repetition of something my family or circle has had strongholds from.

God has a way of tearing us down and opening us up like a budding flower to see things a different way. You may not feel like yourself while battling strongholds and that is normal. As your insides break down like leaves fall from a tree, you will have some break down moments and that is ok. As you make the decision to move forward and not let the stronghold conquer you; rely on the strength of God and know your faith will be tested along the way. Tell God your fears and trust in him to have your back. You will need to concede to him in the same way a new born babies relies on its parents for everything. You have to be willing to give in and share with him as you do your girls and your boys. Tell him your strongholds and watch him break every chain for you. Know and find the power in your tongue and actions. Believe God has more for you than your trials and tribulations…. There is power in the name of Jesus…. There is power in the name of Jesus. To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain. Lend an ear to Tasha Cobbs song –Break of Chain. It will get get your spirit ready. 

So I’ll leave with this… Are you aware of your strongholds? How do you overcome them?