Hold Me Accountable

This subject is one that does not come natural to us. It is something that is either taught at a younger age or something you hope to learn along your growth path in life. Accountability can be hard to come by as it is not the easiest to take that route. It happens to be something that some seem to latch on to faster than others. We all view being accountable differently as well as how we correct it.


Many have said that if you don’t start teaching the little blessings right from wrong early on, it is harder to get a grasp on or correct later. You can’t teach this universally as all views differ, however, there are a few things that hold true. I believe that there is a moral compass when looking towards being accountable. At the young age of a toddler learning to share to the date you age to a point that you may not care what you say and who it impacts, can make all the difference. If we teach our kids how to be kind, considerate, and open to learning new things versus straying away from them, they are on their way to a good start. At the tender ages, children look to their parents and environment to learn what is acceptable and what is not. They learn what is right and wrong by watching our actions and the circumstances that are a result of or the discipline that follows. Keep in mind all discipline does not consist of physical contact. You have to learn what fits your child. My nieces and nephews tend to do better with a good talking and a discussion versus physical contact. If we can teach the little ones that learn so much from observing us and listening to us, it limits hope that you can work with or convince adults to look at their behavior. Children’s cartoons and music also discuss these factors.

I believe by the time we are young adults we start to form our ideas of what we hold ourselves accountable for and others. It may change along the years but we start to mold in some very crucial ways. We start to realize what others do not accept accountability for and what we think they should be held accountable for certain actions and outcomes. We realize that this subject is not only important in our personal life but in our careers. It is generally a factor people look at when they define our character. Accountability in my opinion shares some insight as to how self-aware you are. However, I do believe being accountable is more than just the party at hands to recognize. At times being held accountable takes those around you to remind you that you need to scale it back or could choose to handle things a certain way. Let’s rest assured that the kids that have shot up schools, everyone asked where were the parents, what did their friends know, did other students see them as a threat? They ask these questions because many times the tragedies that impact us and our country could have been stopped if people would step forward and speak up. Folks always say they don’t want to get involved or they wouldn’t want to be wrong. I think you have to ask yourself what level your relationships are on if you can’t be honest with one another. I EXPECT my folks to tell me when I am going overboard an issues that don’t require that. If I see people spiraling out of control due to whatever the reason, we should say something. I think it is so weird that some of yall are comfortable calling out certain people on things that are a stretch of the situation, but with others it is something you stray from. What kind of families and friendships are we building that are supposed to be subsurface if we can’t hold peoples feet to the fire. I am not speaking of being rude, or disconnecting from them. It is called effective communication. We pick and choose in those when it is ok. I can understand with acquaintances or people you don’t know, but for folks that you care about. I tell you… I’ll keep it polite and say it sucks and makes me shake my head.


Folks, this is not rocket science. Just stand up for something like they say or fall for everything. If you feel my passion behind this… it is because it burns my fire. We need to learn how to address being accountable in situations versus acting out. We aren’t children and there is a way to handle all situations. Rest assured I am that family member and friend that will call those on this. It has led to people not speaking, wanting to be around less, and anything else you can think of. The thing that makes that ok with me is knowing my reason and my purpose. I don’t move in the way of being deceitful or making people feel bad about decisions. If we have a hard conversation due to any situation it is because I feel we can grow from it. Holding folks accountable should never be about pointing fingers. Pointing fingers and blame only leads to people being defensive. Many times when holding a person accountable it is about the delivery, it isn’t even always what was said. I was notorious for that conversation with my father. I loved him and he loved me. However, many times when he discussed things with me he was not happy about, his tone and delivery took over the message. My father and I discussed things from A to Z. So these conversations happened here and there. Holding someone accountable is about the learning process and the growth. It is not about making them feel bad or some type of way. If you find yourself wanting to discuss accountability with someone and don’t think you can focus on what is most important then I would say wait to have that talk unless it is a life threatening situation. I say that because it is about the person you are wanting to discuss things with, it is not about you. Don’t make this about you, let them be the focus and be able to clearly explain why this is a concern. Feel free to expand on the positives or the way things could be different when taking accountability.

If you enjoyed this blog, feel free to read Dating 101 and Friendship 101. Accountability can make and break those situations. You decide how to handle it best based on the people involved and be willing to step back and evaluate it as if you were not the other party involved. Choose to make a difference and have those hard conversations because you love and care about these people, not because of anything else.


The Reflection of Me

Time after time, I hear people complain about others and circle back around to themselves. I wonder how many of us choose to take the time and look at our reflection. We have all seen the memes of looking in the mirror and seeing something fierce or vice versa something weak. How do you determine when and how to work on you? Is it as big of a priority as it is to meet up with friends, do what family needs, or anything else? Many of us struggle to make ourselves the priority.

I can say that making the choice to choose you is not always the easiest. Many of us have the outside noise of others in our head from things and comments that have been shared in the past. I find it odd to hear how friends will speak to one another, family, and others, but don’t do the same things with other loved ones. I sit and listen to the words we decide to say to one another and take notice to the way people respond. It is not about conflict or being bigger and bolder, it is about choosing you. At times we make decisions in our lives that a limited amount of people will understand and support, but keep in mind your journey is not about them. Words can be so painful and leave scares deeper than the eyes can see. Think about what comes out of your mouth about yourself and to others before speaking. All of us have to look in the mirror from time to time. We all have to decide to rise above and realize it is not wrong to take care of me before everyone else. Now that I have your attention, let’s jump into it a little deeper looking at our Spirit and mind.

Your Spirit is more than something that has to be feed every now in then. You need to take care of our Spirit as you do yourself. It is the one thing that will keep you going when you aren’t sure if you want to roll out of bed. Connect your Spirit to a higher power that knows your journey and what you are capable of more than you realize and may have accepted. This is your internal link and opportunity to stay powered through all that the world throws at you. No one’s life is perfect, even those that appear that way. I have been there, I promise. It is not about focusing on that, it is about knowing how to connect and refuel and who to turn to. I am going to need us to stop turning to people for support that will call you weak and challenge who you are because you are not making the choices they agree with. Let your Spirit lead you to the reflection that can grow like a vine into a beautiful tree that will give more life and light than you can think of. You have a purpose, You have a destiny, and You are here for a reason. Some of us come into this later than others that is ok, it is all ordered steps to get to a purpose.
Your reflection in the mirror can say so much more than just what you see physically. Your mind has to be in line to head to the next level. You have to make up your mind that the things you need to do will take time, may take you away from your normal routine, and may cause you to feel a little indifferent. I urge you not to stray the course. Take the time you need to pamper, relax, and grow. Many of us feel taking this time makes us selfish in some way, that is just not the case. Our bodies speak to us in many different ways. Listen to what it is saying to you, headaches, aches, pains, unexplained fatigue can be signs that you need to just take a day for you. I am not a doctor, but many times as you start to make some changes in the direction the ship is sailing to it can be hard to adjust and accept that you are making you a priority. I promise you that most are going to do what is best for them, their families, and anything else. You have to make the decision to put you first.
My journey shirtMy Journey Shirt back
I ask you to make the choice today… don’t let your past steal your future, don’t let the words from someone’s lips hold you back, allow yourself to be free and your story to be written by what is more important and that is you and your growth. You need to be at a good point in your Spirit and mind to be able to move forward. The reflection of you should be as positive as the grace God put inside you, as bright as the light shines from the sun, and as daring as you want to be. Trust and have faith in yourself as you do in many others. Be bold and brave and ask God to guide your steps that are designed for you only. Your reflection won’t match your families, your best friends, or people you don’t care for. Don’t let it slow you down, deter you, or stop you.

Stay tuned for The Reflection of Me Part II and if you enjoyed this blog please check out The Past Shook Hands with My Future.


Communication, Communication, Communication

I find myself wondering why communication has become so foreign to so many these days. They say it rules the nation, but to me it seems to be one of the number one lacking skills of people. I find it so odd that so many don’t seem to realize that we communicate with way more than what is traveling from our mouth to peoples ears. Verbal and nonverbal communication is something many of us can work on. It is the way we speak to one another without saying a word.

So much is to be gained through communicating with like-minded and non-like-minded people. Diversity is not just important in the workplace, but even when learning to communicate with people. So many people communicate in different ways. One way is to necessarily better than the others, but there are definitely ways that are more effective than others.
ccc image2
Communication through tone, eyes, hand gestures, body language also shows a lot about if you are receiving what is being communicated. If you are having a conversation and you can’t make eye contact, you may appear that you are disinterested in the conversation depending on the context of the conversation.

Although people like to think that while communicating with different ethnicities that you need to communicate differently. I disagree. The dynamic does not change. Learning how to communicate better helps not only in personal relationship, interviews, and everything you do in life but also generally makes the party more confident in discussions. I don’t know how aware people are about their lack of communicating in a positive manner, but I think it is one of those things that we could all stand to evaluate. Take time to grow and expand in this area so there are not issues with people understanding what you are saying.
Humans have so many ways to communicate but seem to also struggle at times with knowing how to do this. It shocks me as we start communicating at such an early age and should generally be pretty well at it by our adult age. I guess we have to take into account the environment people grew up in as many times that is the communication skill we may gravitate to. Most will do that until they have had a chance to live some on their own and recognize there are some areas that can be polished. It doesn’t always come naturally and I don’t think we should shame ourselves for that. It could have a lot to do with mindset and maturity in my opinion. My question is when or if you find that you need to hone this skill, will you? Can you ask for help? Can you tell people you are in relationships with that you know you need to work on this and are willing to do so? People feel that discussing a weakness at times doesn’t benefit anyone. I strongly disagree, it shows you are aware and that is the first step to so many things. I have been one of those that have stuck my neck out with some and said, you just don’t communicate in a manner that works for others you deal with. Some will say it isn’t my place, but the few that I have discussed that with were family or like family and we are able to speak freely.
ccc image1
Don’t do this for anyone…do it for you and yours and I can bet you will start to see some benefit to this. If you work on this and your circle or support team does not seem to make strides in communicating, know this will be more of a struggle. I urge you not to shy away from this, instead embrace it. I do not mean becoming hostile or starting arguments. Just know that with any growth comes with stretching yourself and at times others around you. Be patient with yourself, be patient with them and allow yourself time to work on this skill. Don’t stunt your growth to feed someone else’s ego.

Keep in mind, if this is something you want to grow in or work on with public speaking as well… I am available to assist in this area now as a tutor.

Let’s Get Vulnerable

The word alone seems to make some people cringe. What is it about getting down to the nitty gritty and sharing our bare selves and souls that makes it so scary or a reason for flight? It is defined as easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally or open to attack, harm, or damage per Merriam Webster.  I see so many of us attempt to run from this avenue versus embracing it. What is it that concerns us most about this action or state of being?


I am going to say the number one cause of me not being vulnerable with a person is the concern of being hurt or not accepted. The question is how we get past this to allow ourselves to get to know people on a deeper level. Is it through accepting ourselves? Is it by better evaluating those relationships to see if there is a need to allow yourself to open up on a deeper level? I wonder what most of us stand to lose. I am going to go out on a limb and say that most of us don’t reveal that side of ourselves due to not wanting to share our story. As the Christian based song goes, you don’t know my story… The things that I’ve come through. When I envision the idea of being vulnerable I admit, I don’t allow everyone into that part of me. The reason is that I am not always ready to allow someone into that part of me.


I believe that when we open ourselves up to be vulnerable, the true us is released. It is hard to live with a wall of concern always up. You find yourself constantly worried about what someone will think or repeat and unsure how you will be viewed. I have noticed the people that don’t appear to be so concerned with being vulnerable are the ones that have dealt with past issues and are willing to share their story to help someone else. They understand that shedding a tear with someone while they discuss their fears doesn’t make them weak, in fact it enhances the nature of that relationship. Folks the moment you have to protect yourself from being vulnerable, you are having to cover daily, every minute, every second of who you are. I am saying all of this to say… breathe and enjoy life. One day sooner or later your lungs will fill one last time and you will never have a chance to connect to another soul. I would say that being vulnerable allows you to be free to follow what your path is. I don’t know who you pray to or if you believe in a higher power, but whoever or whatever that is… how much deeper does your connection come when you just let it all out. It makes me think of a time in college after overcoming some things with an ill parent, losing my grandparents, and facing the concern of crossing that stage being overwhelmed with emotion. I got home and fell on my bed and must have cried harder than I think I had allowed myself in so long. I prayed like I hadn’t in years. I was so tired of being put together and taking on things that weren’t for me to figure out… Don’t let yourself get there folks. Drop to that knee and say a prayer and be vulnerable with that higher power. God doesn’t judge us for crying, sharing our weaknesses, fears, confirming we are tired, and/or admitting we are unsure of where to go next. I know you can’t do this in all relationships, but when you think about friendships, partnerships; how do you get to know people on a deeper level without this? Are you blocking yourself from those connections and opportunities to grow?

I recently had a meeting with someone about my next steps for Roots to the Soul and I recall as she was talking with me and asking to get to my core tears came to my eyes. Imagine how embarrassed I was to be tearing up in front of someone I was meeting for the first time and asking for guidance from. She never batted an eye or came off opposed as she was listening to my story and my reason for blogging, writing, wanting to grow in certain avenues. Instead, she said it was good and that it gave her an idea of why I am trying to move forward in the things I am. If you know me at all, you know I apologized for this over and over. She never insinuated that it was an issue or a problem. However, what I can say is that the advice she gave me was different from the direction others had given me. She gave me some homework and steps to take to work on that path and even asked me to keep her updated from time to time. She had no idea how much it touched me for being able to be just met while talking and sharing ideas with her. If she had reacted in disgust or become uncomfortable then I can’t be sure that I would be able to share my story as I am learning to do.


Keep in mind that being vulnerable is not a charity piece. You don’t need to do this with everyone. Evaluate the situation. If you are newly dating someone, it may not be the best time to share every skeleton in your closet. If you are just starting a friendship, you may not want to dump the heavy stuff on them. Give it time in your relationships and allow them to grow based on their purpose, be mindful who you allow yourself to be vulnerable with as it is not for everyone and every situation. Stop trying to share a piece of yourself with someone else that has shown they are not open to that. As I have witnessed, men have to be careful not to show a women she can’t be vulnerable with them as once she is aware of that, she won’t be and he may be left trying to figure out what changed. Some women adapt to the situation and handle people the way they put out there they prefer to handled. If you proclaim to be for everyone and when the opportunity presents itself, you fight it tooth and nail… you aren’t being vulnerable, you seem confused in who you are. Stop forcing yourself to open up and being vulnerable with someone who has shown no interest in small talk or you. In rare situations you being vulnerable with these parties will make a break through. True enough some of them are just suffering and need to know someone understands. However, some really don’t have your interest in mind it is ok to admit and acknowledge that.

For those of us out here making an impact, sharing views, promoting products keep in mind that us being vulnerable is different as we are expected to be able to get down to it and open up. It is like a female getting off from work, getting home and washing the makeup off her face and changing into something comfy and putting her hair up in a ponytail. That is the person you want to get to know. Who is the person underneath the corporate layer, the dad layer, the sister layer, the radio personality layer, etc.






Being a Leader

Being a leader is more than knowing how to lead. You have to know how to motivate, speak, be a follower at times, and create solutions to impromptu changes. Often times people struggle on what this word really means and what all comes with the job per say. I would beg to differ and say, don’t see it as a job, a title, or a work formality; view it as your gift and talent. Everyone is not cut out for leadership nor do they want the stresses or highs and lows that come with it. This quote by John Quincy Adams spoke to me “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” After reading over articles and thinking of the many leaders I know, most of them don’t necessarily see themselves in that role. Most see themselves more in a coaching role to assist and help create. It is why when I saw the quote from John Quincy Adams, it spoke volumes to me.
It is not always about being heard and many times it is the action behind the proclaimed words that show your leadership ability. Everyone wanting to be a leader may not be viewed or recognized as one, so make sure you evaluate why you are doing it.  It is not about the notoriety, it is about the ability you have to help others transform, the legacy you leave behind, and understanding what comes with being a leader. As a leader you may be a relationship counselor, mentor, a campaigner for others projects, and not understand all moves when they are made.
I have found, however, that the most effective leaders are alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence per the article shared on Harvard Business Review titled what Makes a Leader. They go on to share in the article that there are 5 components of emotional intelligence at work: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill per the site at https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader. As Rosalynn Carter shared, “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.” Think of where a leaders standpoint is. As a manager leading people you should be able to jump down and get some elbow grease with your workers versus watching and barking orders. You have to gain respect by more than just laying down a title that may have been given to you by or for other reasons than you actually being what others feel a good leader is. As part of the self-awareness piece realize you won’t be right to lead everyone just as one pastor is not the right one to spiritually to lead all people. Be able to learn how to relate to the ones you are developing versus overseeing or micromanaging. Nor will all see eye to eye on everything, but they will be able to help most succeed that are willing to take in an ear full and put the actions in motion.
The Washington Post shared an article on May 21st this year called A Great Leadership Reading List – without any business book on it. They discussed speaking with Bill Gates, Jack Dorsey (one of Twitter’s founders and current CEO of Square), Costco founder Jim Sinegal to name a few on what they have read lately and none of them named business books. They did however, have some ties or take a ways that a leader can gain from. I truly believe that being and becoming a leader is not necessarily learned, but skills that can be honed. Some don’t know where or how to find the tools nor the instruments to put them into play. Most of the great leaders I know have a good balance of some spiritual belief, self-awareness, uncanny motivation, and will work on a problem until they see light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw a photo about leadership and it showed it as though it was under construction. I loved that because as a leader you are seeking new ways to connect with who you are leading and all connections won’t be the same. I always love it when people want to discuss who makes better leaders, men or women. I really just shake my head at this as it has nothing to with gender or other things that you see on the exterior. It has to do with their ability and willingness to help birth other leaders and nurture followers.

The Anxiety of Public Speaking

As many of you know I have a background that is rooted in public speaking. I was a debater in high school and have continued to stay in the judging pool for tournaments since collage for state and regional qualifying tournaments. I have always been told how well-spoken I am and many times complimented in interviews this as well. In the last year many have advised they believe I should be doing something to share this skill as I am so passionate about education and helping others. So let’s talk about and see how it goes.

public speaking

The fear of speaking is more common than many would realize. As I have talked to people over the years, I had no idea it was so prevalent. As I started doing research and talking with so many, it is a real concern for many and many are striving to look for ways of improvement. I find myself asking what the fear is, where it derives from and what the top two or three largest concerns are. I tend to be analyzing most times and always seeking solutions so it was natural for me to find myself wanting to assist outside of judging. The official term is glossophobia and per www.glossophobia.com, 75% of people suffer from this.

In an article found at www.anxietycoach.com titled Fear of Public Speaking the Fear that Stalls Careers they list a number of fears that people have shared.The list was complied with it being hard to make eye contact, speeding up during the speech, clinching fist under the podium, and some tell themselves it will be over soon. I know all of us have different things that come with being nervous or anxiety, but we have to individually start with those before overcoming the problem. Is it the size of the audience, lack of knowledge, the peers in the audience, concern of sound inadequate? I also hear people being unsure what they can consider public speaking. In my opinion, it doesn’t have to be defined by the amount of people in a crowd. Anytime you are giving or sharing structured knowledge on a program, situation, or something of that nature, no matter if it is formal or informal, can be a form of public speaking.

public speaking1

My first line of defense is to ask you not to look at it as public speaking for rather an educational tool. Most of the speeches or synopsis that are being shared are really to inform or persuade a crowd and either way they are gaining pertinent information. I believe it is equally important, but it relieves some of us from that pressure that we feel when we view it only as a speech.  Keep in mind that a speech is more than just the words flowing out of your mouth. You need to think about your nonverbal cues, tone, and if you show any emotion or passion for the topic. As you prepare you speech, yes I said prepare J make sure to make clear points that you can reference back to. For those that get distracted easily, this will help pull you back in if you hear someone cough or someone walks in during the middle of you speaking. You want to be able to engage your audience. You won’t be able to hold everyone’s attention in all of these, but you should capture most of them. Find a way when making eye contact to scan the audience and if you want to make eye contact, do it with the party that seems into the topic. If you find yourself concentrated on the party that is not listening or is playing with their phone while you speak, it will most likely throw your focus off.  You can always use a small note card if need be when speaking. It does not change the value or the content of the speech because you have a note card in hand. You won’t want to read off the note card nor find yourself playing with it during your speech. If you stumble over a word, no reason to apologize, the crowd has no idea what you were going to say. If you find yourself out of sorts and unsure where you are in your speech and tweak it some to get back on track, that is ok too. The same applies for a short pause or taking a quick breather. I would advise that you need to practice your speech as being familiar with the material does help ease the nerves and if you can run it in front of people you know, this will help as well. They don’t know what comes next or your exact These are just a few things, I believe can help with lowering the concern for speaking in front of 2 or more people.

I do believe the things above can make a difference in you speech. However, if you find that you need help, reach out for assistance. Most of you are in positions in one way or another that you may have to present even if it is in a team meeting or huddle or your boss may ask you to work on a project. Be honest with yourself and know when you need to reach out to others. We all have something that we need to ask for coaching on and there is nothing wrong with that. I had a debate coach for 3 ½ years that focused on communication. One of the fondest memories was when he shot water on us out of a water spray bottle to help us talk through distractions and not get caught up on stumbling over our words. I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor and coach at the time. I want to share two other links that share helpful information http://web.stanford.edu/dept/CTL/Oralcomm/Microsoft%20Word%20-%20OvercomingSpeechAnxiety.pdf and http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/phobias/expert-answers/fear-of-public-speaking/faq-20058416

I have decided to share this skill and am now offering tutoring in public speaking. If you are anyone else you know are interested, please have them email me at rootstothesoul@gmail.com or they can locate me at www.wyzant.com under Kandace J.

Thanks for stopping by today and I hope you can take something away from this blog today as being able to communicate comfortable makes a difference in the way we interact.

public speaking 5

What’s the Buzz about Eccentric Beauty??

As a women we are forever searching for products we love on our hair and skin. I can assume men go through the same thing, but maybe don’t discuss it as openly. The great thing is once we find a product we like, we may stay loyal to it as long as it is available. The young lady behind Eccentric Beauty knows all too well about this. She has got it down to an art and is sharing what she has learned with us through her products. The products offered through Eccentric Beauty are natural, eco-friendly, and some are dual use products. Did you hear that, dual use products? I have to say I have not seen too many of these. I recently picked up a dual use product by Paul Mitchell’s Tea Tree line that was a moisturizer for your hair and a lotion. I was like, I’m not so sure about this. However, this is a way to save on cost if the dual products work out. Who doesn’t love to save money on products that we love.


The women behind the product is named Bridgette. Bridgette is a stay at home mom, a blogger, a radio show host, and the creator of Eccentric Beauty. She advised Eccentric Beauty was birthed from a desire to provide awareness to people on what we apply and take in our bodies. The brand provides a great balance and insight into her personal life and her personality. She is a sweet spirit, joyful, and enjoys providing products that help others. She started Naturally Beautiful in 2010 as her son, who was under 12 months at the time, was diagnosed with eczema. She began to research ingredients as the crème provided for eczema had steroids and advise you should use it while in direct sunlight. I’ll say, that will bring a different type of motivation to people. The side effects of the crème if used over a long period of time can stunt a little ones growth, skin thinning, and cause enlarged blood vessels. She started learning how what is in your hair and body impacts your health. She started with focus groups, discussing this with her aunt who is a chemist, and putting together a protocol.

Her drive to help her son turned into a love for helping others learn. She would be able to educate people on the importance of natural and organic ingredients in products through her line. She not only was helping others, but had thought one step further. She decided to help the environment as well as her packaging is biodegradable. I don’t know that most people I have met are so focused on more than just getting their product out there, but also looking at the most benefit it can offer in different realms and that is what grabbed my attention. I have eczema and so does one of my nephews so I was stoked to hear about her products.

The bath and body product line offers shampoo/body bars, body/nail scrubs, hair/body balm, and glossing pomade to name a few. She will have lines coming soon for men, children, and the home.


As being natural with my hair, outside of this color, I can say finding those products that work are crucial. The journey alone can be costly and most of us in that journey are constantly researching products and ingredients that are best for our hair.

I truly believe this young lady has a product that has not fully been exposed to the market. So many people are looking for ways to be eco-friendly. What a simple way to help with this then buying products that are in ecological packaging from a creator that is working on a going green home line.

She not only has this platform to share on, but is a radio hostess on TMIRadio.com. She has a show called Hardcore Beauty that airs on the 2nd and 4th Saturdays at 2 PM – 3 PM CST. She views the show as a way to give others a voice on lifestyle, community, and businesses. She also does an annual health fair to promote healthy eating and taking care of our bodies. I blogged and this event in the fall and it can be found under Hats Off to the Ladies of Hardcore Beauty.


We discussed the logo and the colors behind the logo while I was learning about Eccentric Beauty. I love the orange and the blue. She shared that the orange represents the fun wild energetic side while the blue shows the grounding sophistication and depth of the brand. She sees them both as powerful in their own right but compliments each other extremely well creating a dynamic impact. She hopes it will be seen as an elegant mix of modern excitement with natural elements with an unconventional artistic flare. In my opinion, she has done this… the buzz will be there in no time.

Her vision for Eccentric Beauty is that this will become a household name and a one stop shop for families. As there will be products for all parties of the family and the home. I must say I am one that loves to get multiple things taken care of in one place versus having to go to different places to purchase everything. What more can a person ask for… a one stop shop to get natural products that aid in keeping our atmosphere safe. Naturally Eccentric Mom will blog about all things natural. It will focus on beauty, hair, family, health, and home design and details on when you will start to see the blog will be available soon.

Check her products out at her website www.oneeccentricbeauty.com and one Facebook.

Things to Give Up

Give up

I can’t imagine one person who doesn’t have to self-evaluate every now and then. One of my besties, Shava sent this to me the other night and advised she thought it would make a great blog. As I looked at the picture that came with it and read each item… I was like this has been me at one point or another. You could see the little cloud come out of my head saying I can attest to them all.

I’ll discuss some more in detail but more than others and hope you find you can identify with these. I have found ways to give them up as well. As I reread it, I can think of so many others I know that have battled with these same things through their daily life. I reached a point in my life wondering why I felt a void and trying to seek what was missing. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a lack of spiritual fulfillment and emptiness from neglecting me. A girl that rarely lost her smile, always happy, suffered or had to find a way to get past these things listed. I was never the most popular kid, but not the least popular either. I was friends with most and spoke with everyone. I was one that could empathize with any situation. Many times I found myself taking on the stress of many others battles. I can’t explain it; my heart just tends to yearn to help others. It can be a great characteristic but also a hell of a weakness.

I’m going to say that my top 3 were fear of failure, doubting myself, and people pleasing. However, when I reread it… I struggled with them all and can still feel the heat of some of them today. As I picked up weight over the last decade I begun to critize myself more, limit what I would wear, and participate in less which led to me doubting myself more than I ever had as well as negative thinking and increase fear of failure.

I think the last few things that come to me most when thinking about these 7 things are the latest two battles. I was diagnosed with eczema last year. I found out after trying a new deodorant and different laundry detergent. So the ask a nurse line told me to go back to what I was using before and if in 2 weeks it had not cleared up to see a doctor and apply topical Benadryl. A few months later I was under ton of stress with apartment stress, work stress, and life. My hands broke out again. I went to the doctor and in one glance she said you have eczema. She gave me some cream advised it was probably so extreme due to stress. Let me tell you, I wanted to freak out. At 33 freakin years old and I had to change my soaps, lotions, how I handle stress. What the heck. I was so embarrassed of my hands. I can say though that it has helped me learn how to manage my stress differently.


In addition to that, I am now 34 not married and no kids. I generally do ok with this. However, recently as life continues to change it has just hit me hard at times. I have questioned what I am doing wrong. Am I coming off as approachable? Why, When, everything under the sun. I tell you folks, for the most part. I do ok with being single and it maybe because I haven’t run across a lot of people I could see a relationship with recently. However, at times it can make you doubt yourself and how you do things. So as that came and when and working on transitioning my website, working on the book, merchandise, and looking into a scholarship fund. So many of these same 7 things come back around time and time again.

I don’t know if some of us truly understand how much our mental, physical, and soul are intertwined and play a part together. I don’t truly believe that we only attract what we put out there. I have attracted people that were complete opposites and that were maybe drawn to something in me that they lacked in their own lives.

I do believe how our mental operates can gear how things are handled at any level. It will impact your spirituality, relationships, and work ethic. We will all battle with these things from time to time, but if you find them to be on all different levels it maybe something to look deeper into and take a few steps to move past them. I can tell you from experience; it will not happen overnight, the next day deciding to give up these things will be a process. If I personally had to label these based on how I feel they fall…Negative Thinking, which will lead to fear of failure, which will increase you critizing yourself, which will lead to you putting off projects and things that need to be done and due to you being unsure of yourself. You may fall into people pleasing or saying yes to thinks when you should have said no.

At any rate or no matter how you categorize these you can take some steps to find your way out. I am not a doctor, a life coach, or have any certificate… but I have lived a life with many different cuts and angles. So this is strictly a recommendation from my noggin. I can say I have done these and they worked well for me.


1) Take a deep breath and look in the mirror and let go of whatever binds you.

2)While in the mirror repeat out loud the best parts that make you who you are

3)Start slowly to get away from worrying so much about what people think of you or your decisions

4)Ease the fear of failure and procrastination by making small task and to do list to organize where you are going and what you are trying to accomplish

5)Focus on giving you some you time and loving and pampering yourself


If you enjoy reading self-encouraging blogs, feel free to check out Pamper Yourself, Learning to Forgive, Future Planning, and Can I Accept Me.


What is your Vice?

I believe we all experience and handle things differently. As life moves forward, we all tend to turn to our own things to cope with the disappointment, pain, lack of processing or accepting. Due to this we have probably all or most of us had some sort of vice we turn to. Vice defined per Merriam-Webster:bad or immoral behavior or habits, a moral flaw or weakness, a minor bad habit. What’s your vice and why?
An alcoholic may say they turn to alcohol as it is their way of feeling better about whatever is going on. However, most alcoholics drink to the point that they slur their speech and handle things in such a different manner.If you are a non drinker, you will not be able to relate. Alcohol is one of those things that can easily go from a something to turn to into more. I can say as one that has turned to drinking when processing death in my family, that it isn’t always the best option. However, I am not a huge drinker as my friends would say. I enjoy a glass of wine, a beer, or some liquor after or during a crazy week. I don’t tend to find myself in the bottom of the bottle to escape what is going on. However, the people that battle with alcoholism are truly in a tough battle. The ones I have seen that are on that borderline find themselves unable to reach a point of satisfaction with the alcohol at some point. Others tell themselves that one drink a day that ends up being a bottle is one way to relax under a long day. I am not judging but I will say that if you often find yourself sleeping on the side of the road or not knowing how you got home after heading out… you may be on the line of making this more than your vice. The even odder thing about it is alcohol can be a depressant for so many. I am unsure if people really see it as that. I am sure many of us have had our drunk dialing days, but overtime you grow from this stage and to point where getting a drink socially is great. If you define it as your way to satiate the daily events and you are unable to control the liquor… My only concern is what happens when what is in the bottle no longer deals with the monsters under your bed. Do you turn to something stronger? Do you stop before your liver is unhealthy? At what point does the vice become more then a bad habit and onto something you get up in the morning looking for. If you find yourself drinking more liquor than water, it is your vice and you may want to consider the best way to handle this.
 c smoker 2013
The figures represent the percentage of the population who are current smokers.4
Per the CDC fact sheet released on January 23, 2015, nearly 18 of every 100 U.S. adults aged 18 years or older (17.8%) currently smoke cigarettes. This means an estimated 42.1 million adults in the United States currently smoke cigarettes.This particular vice is so concerning no matter if it is cigarettes and weed, etc. Is the nicotine that draws you in??  What is it that you are relieving yourself from? I have heard smokers say they get to the point where they crave the nicotine just as coffee drinkers crave the caffeine. I hear smokers say if they stop smoking they will gain weight and don’t want to have to address that factor. So many smokers I know started at an early age due to trying to alleviate stress, look cool, or was attempting to fit in.They always planned to stop or quit but found that nicotine had them bound by the neck. I wonder if the stress outweighs the damage done to the lungs and breathing. My father smoked cigarettes for years on end. I prepared myself at an early age that one day the satisfaction from the puff may be what claimed his life. Although that wasn’t it, I am not sure if parents understand the strain and stress it brings to their children to see their parents smoke for years.  Smokers that smoke weed will advise it is natural and since on the Earth it is natural and should be no issue with using it. I can’t say that I hear of weed smokers having as hard of a time trying to put it down vs the cigarettes. So if it gets to a point where you cant put it down or go through a day without it, is it considered an addiction?

Sex as a vice versus just enjoyment could be seen two different ways. Most people enjoy the connection with another person through this avenue. Just remember to be smart and safe about it. I believe that most that turn to sex as a vice aren’t addicts but maybe have a void of affection they are attempting to fill. Many of those are dealing with personal issues that may include rape, molestation, or feeling that this is what validates them. I don’t know that I would characterize someone that uses it as a vice as an addict as I think there would be some distinctions there based on definitions. I wonder with this if it is considered you guys see it as a vice if they are continuing the same act with the same person. Is it only an issue if the person they are having sex with is toxic? I also wouldn’t consider someone with a high sex drive being someone that uses sex as a vice.

I think all three can be dangerous if not used in moderation. As we all face the whirlpool that we endure daily called life and we have to learn to deal with those issues head on. A vice, I believe can be handled in moderation and not leave a negative impact on your life. However, I think there can be a line that people can easily skip over that takes you from getting through that moment to an addiction that requires a program. Many of us at a young age turn to these things because we may not be sure what else to do. I want to remind you after having turned to some of these as well that after taking to one of these, the problem is still there when you wake up from your drunken stupper. When that cigarette burns out? When the partner you don’t know leaves after the act. I hope your support teams are willing to step up and say something. I know I have had that uncomfortable conversation with those I know I care about. Make time folks to process what you go through as sweeping it under the rug only leaves it around to later terrorize you after that vice is worn off. You don’t want to reach the point where that vice is no longer taking you to the place you want to be and find yourself inching into areas that are not longer vices, but rather now are sure addictions.


Pamper Yourself

I believe you can’t be much help to yourself or others without taking good care of yourself. Some of us have such a problem doing this as we are not used to putting ourselves first. The reason why this is so important is because we all need mental and physical down time. Pampering tends to be something that ensures you are getting in relaxation time. Pampering can range from facials, manicures, enjoying a guilty pleasure, massage, etc. So many of us are on the go, go, go and could use that time to help our bodies rejuvenate versus just getting the rest. I am just going to share a few steps that I think are helpful.


1. Mind Relaxation

This first step is key to the start of your down time. Many people that don’t make this time may find themselves not sleeping well at times as they are not allowing their mind time to just rest. I know I have run into lack of sleeping when I have a lot going on due to not taking a mental break. It is as though my brain is still searching for solutions to whatever I am still working on while attempting to sleep. I have at times find myself praying asking God to help me let my mind rest because I was needing a restful night. You have to find what works for you. This may be meditation, it may be sitting on the patio reading a book, it maybe journaling, or working out. I have found any of these do help. I think meditation takes a little more concentration than many realize but have been wanting to try it. Reading won’t work for everyone, but for those it does allows us to get away and get into another story for sometime. I personally find a good book and a glass of wine can allow me to just let go, drop my shoulders, and indulge in someone else’s life. As for writing, I enjoy journaling and just writing. Some of us need an outlet for our day as we may not want to verbally discuss it. I at one point wrote in my journal as though they were letters to God and sharing about my week and daily challenges. Journaling for some will be so keen because they don’t have to explain their actions or thoughts to anyone but it is a way to let go of that day or events. As many researchers have shown, working out helps those relax as they are working off the frustration and releasing toxins from their bodies. I don’t think I have ever heard one person say after working out they still felt heavy about their day. It may not have solved everything, but they definitely feel better.

2. Body Down Time

We are just a spirit inside of a shell. Our exterior shell touches everything and provides our senses. Take a moment and think about how much you use your hands, feet, ears, and legs. We use these daily and for everything we do for the most part. These parts are in motion from the day you are born until the day we take our last breath for most. We have to learn to take time for these parts to rest as well. As we rest, these parts rest as well. However, other things to consider would be massages, mani/pedis, facials, steam rooms, yoga, etc. I wonder for those that haven’t tried any of these, if you are willing to. I haven’t always been the biggest believer in these things but they do help. Massages help in multiple ways as they have been said to help with circulation, releasing toxins, helps with anxiety, and headaches.  Many times during these services they have on serine music to help your mind relax as well. I love these times as well. I can go in with my hair in a ponytail, no make up, sweats, flip flops. I have been known during massages and facials to get some good sleep. I recall once waking myself up because I was snoring. LOL. I know these are not always the cheapest activities to look into and I hear people say that this is why they may not try these. Keep in mind many places may offer some discounts for first time customers, check places like Groupon or Living Social, and think of other alternatives. I know sometimes my girls and I will find things we can do like this as a fun girls night. We have looked up recipes for at home facials, items to soak your feet in, and hair treatments. I want men to know as well, these are not only for women. A women loves nothing more than a man that take care of himself. I am not saying if he doesn’t do these things that he doesn’t. However, in the last few years I have heard women say more about noticing a mans hands and feet. I dated one guy that was willing to go with me from time to time and he tended to enjoy it for the same reasons I did. I also would offer to soak his feet and clip his toenails just as something relaxing for him.

3. Help your Soul Glow

( I wrote that and it took me back to the part in Coming to America discussing that… LOL. Forgive me, I digress)

Our mind, body, and souls are connected. We not only need to take care of one piece, but all of them. I have found that the way I feel impacts all these areas. If my mind is cluttered, my soul is normally heavy and I am tired. For me, my soul glows as I interact and learn about people. It also tends to shine a little brighter when I have made time for God, family, friends, and doing things I enjoy. We have to learn what helps the most. I say for me it is my growing with the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from perfect. I sin everyday, just like everyone else. I have my own struggles that people may not assume by looking at me. However, I still have to get the word in to remind myself that my challenges and mistakes are failures that can be used toward my success. I am not alone in this. As I get the word in, it also helps clear my mind. I find I don’t stress as much which gives my mind some downtime. I used worry and stress over so much, but have come a long way with growing in my relationship with God. If you still aren’t sure on this… I will share that at times you don’t realize how your soul shows. I say it shows because I have had people say it is just something about your soul.

This won’t be received by everyone and that is ok. Those of you that needed this reminder will be good with it. Take time for you and find what you need to flourish. This act does not make you selfish, it makes you smart. It takes so many people so long to self evaluate and realize what helps them be in a better place. I ask you to take time to figure this out as it will help with the way you handle things. Don’t feel guilty for needing to make time for yourself and take care of yourself. These three listed above all interact to keep you in a good space.

If you enjoyed this blog, feel free to check out another blog discussing self focus called Can I Accept Me on the second page of blogs.