K Joi – Page 3 – Roots To The Soul

01 Sep

September 1, 2015September 1, 2015K Joi Community/Events 3 Comments

The Unofficial Reunion

When I saw the post on Facebook go up… the first thing that came to mind were the times of countless laughter, the friends I had been with from elementary school to graduation, and the music from our time. I have to admit I had songs running through my head Like Baby Got Back, Vanilla Ice’s hit, to Hit Me Baby One more time, a little Juvenile, and a dozen other artist. The summers were spent at Wet &Wild, Celebration Station, Six Flags, Hollywood movie theater, and the local Bennigans. I was always biased after trying the donuts at Bakery by George, which still gives bakeries a run for their money. I was excited.

The cool thing back then was to stay in school, make good grades, and prepare for the next chapter of your life such as college, the military, or a technical school. The schools in Garland Independent School District were all diverse and Rowlett High School was the newest school on the block. We didn’t run or shy away from being different, we had known so many of these people longer than our lifelong friends today.

This past weekend many of us were reunited by Freda Hobson-Biggers, Corvette Searcy Epting, and Shava Echols. They found a central location that just happened to be owned by one of our very own alumni. Candra Boykin who is now Candra Bryant is the owner of 1011 Grill off of Lamar and Corinth. They have owned the establishment for almost three years now and it offers a variety of entertainment from live music, spoken word, We Are Worthy Women, assisting the homeless, and has been known to have the best wangs in Dallas. Bravo dear.

An unofficial reunion couldn’t have come at a better time. Summer is winding down as the kiddos just completed their first week back to school and everyone could use some time to unwind. It is still 100 degrees or warmer outside and you never need a good reason to see and catch up with those from your youth. We danced, we ate, we drank, we talked, we laughed, and more than anything just enjoyed one another’s company. Classes from 1994 to 2002 came out shaking hands, giving hugs, and making a night go from a reunion to a night to remember. The priceless countless smiles when people saw someone they haven’t seen in a while or years, but were almost jumping with joy to see that person or group of people (I like to say almost clapping their feet).

I have to say GISD (Garland Independent School District), you did get out and support about 50 to 60 strong. I have to say our diversity was not shown in the representation. It does not take away from who came out, but says a lot in reference to the number of people that decided to not even respond. I can’t be sure if it was the establishment location, prior plans, your group wasn’t going, or you really just don’t care. We maybe Facebook friends, but we are really just associated in your mind when it comes to getting together where everyone won’t come out to. I would love to take a poll on why so many didn’t even respond. I see people share about what Josh Samples is doing with his product and many others… but it just kind of hit hard to me as a person generally analyzing as to why this is. I don’t want to call it a race thing, because I know. We all have friends of other races and nationalities and I am only saying be honest with yourself. If there were people you couldn’t be sure would be there that you wanted to catch up with; would you have come out? I will say, there was not one Caucasian, Asian, or Indian counterpart that showed up even from the Colonel family. This event was not about discussing the Confederate flag, the plantation on South Garland’s cafeteria wall prior to us getting there. It was about supporting our alumni that are doing positive things and catching up. The venue had food, drinks, and great music. I have to admit I was so taken back. I can’t speak for other school, but I can speak as a former Colonel. We graduated with 400 some odd people of different races, so the fact that the crowd that showed for this event was Black, Mexican, and Hispanic. Anyone would have to ask… did you graduate in Garland recently or when you said diversity was truly running down those halls? I am ok if you unfriend me, if you don’t speak, if you comment on the South Garland alumni page about this. Know that is because I know my heart and if something was going on for any of the people I was excited to see… I would do my best to attend. I wouldn’t have to know if Candra, Ramelle, Brandi, Shava, or anyone else was going. However, that is just me. I have SG pride, but I sure tell you, I had to shake my head. I remember when this was first discussed and Candra mentioned how she would love to see all these people and they were all of different backgrounds and ethnicities coming together like we used to and just having a good time. I just knew there had to be a wedding this weekend or something huge since so many didn’t even respond, nor comment. However, I am not seeing that either. I am not speaking to those that are pregnant, new parents, or newly married as I understand those life events can mean these events aren’t so easy to make it to. I must say there are some people that just support for supporting and some of those are Jared Morgan, Stacy Jones-Carter, Jennifer O’Dell-Davis, Rubann Calder Stuever, Brandy Messmer Travis, and Ashley Johnson.

So take from it what you may, know you missed one chance to catch up and connect. I am sure there will be more and I hope that as these are thrown out there we look at anyone’s business we can support. I know Myranda LeMaster has just opened a bar and grill, Beau Wagner has a band, Aaron Brezik used to be in bowling leagues, Misty Bartlett still plays soccer, etc… let’s see where we can get out and support our alumni as one day one more Colonel or Garlandite will no longer be anything but a memory. So before we are getting together with tears in our eyes and wondering why no one knew what was going on… let’s mend those fences and be the force that we were back then. I know we can’t get out all together all the time, but it is something I think many have expressed interest in. So before we get more news like we did freshman year of collage about Terry Kennedy, and in the last few years of Jude Eversley, Isaac Medlin, and Tanisha Daniels passing, let’s put action behind it and no longer let it just be a thought. One day, I’ll take my last breathe and I can only hope you know anything I said or wrote was about making an impact and a difference to bring awareness.

Thanks to those that at least responded or advised they hated they couldn’t make it. It was more than I could capture in here and I took the opportunity to try and bring awareness. I sure hope it helps.

25 Aug

August 25, 2015August 25, 2015K Joi Self Improvement/Worth No Comments

The Anxiety of Public Speaking

As many of you know I have a background that is rooted in public speaking. I was a debater in high school and have continued to stay in the judging pool for tournaments since collage for state and regional qualifying tournaments. I have always been told how well-spoken I am and many times complimented in interviews this as well. In the last year many have advised they believe I should be doing something to share this skill as I am so passionate about education and helping others. So let’s talk about and see how it goes.

The fear of speaking is more common than many would realize. As I have talked to people over the years, I had no idea it was so prevalent. As I started doing research and talking with so many, it is a real concern for many and many are striving to look for ways of improvement. I find myself asking what the fear is, where it derives from and what the top two or three largest concerns are. I tend to be analyzing most times and always seeking solutions so it was natural for me to find myself wanting to assist outside of judging. The official term is glossophobia and per www.glossophobia.com, 75% of people suffer from this.

In an article found at www.anxietycoach.com titled Fear of Public Speaking the Fear that Stalls Careers they list a number of fears that people have shared.The list was complied with it being hard to make eye contact, speeding up during the speech, clinching fist under the podium, and some tell themselves it will be over soon. I know all of us have different things that come with being nervous or anxiety, but we have to individually start with those before overcoming the problem. Is it the size of the audience, lack of knowledge, the peers in the audience, concern of sound inadequate? I also hear people being unsure what they can consider public speaking. In my opinion, it doesn’t have to be defined by the amount of people in a crowd. Anytime you are giving or sharing structured knowledge on a program, situation, or something of that nature, no matter if it is formal or informal, can be a form of public speaking.

My first line of defense is to ask you not to look at it as public speaking for rather an educational tool. Most of the speeches or synopsis that are being shared are really to inform or persuade a crowd and either way they are gaining pertinent information. I believe it is equally important, but it relieves some of us from that pressure that we feel when we view it only as a speech. Keep in mind that a speech is more than just the words flowing out of your mouth. You need to think about your nonverbal cues, tone, and if you show any emotion or passion for the topic. As you prepare you speech, yes I said prepare J make sure to make clear points that you can reference back to. For those that get distracted easily, this will help pull you back in if you hear someone cough or someone walks in during the middle of you speaking. You want to be able to engage your audience. You won’t be able to hold everyone’s attention in all of these, but you should capture most of them. Find a way when making eye contact to scan the audience and if you want to make eye contact, do it with the party that seems into the topic. If you find yourself concentrated on the party that is not listening or is playing with their phone while you speak, it will most likely throw your focus off. You can always use a small note card if need be when speaking. It does not change the value or the content of the speech because you have a note card in hand. You won’t want to read off the note card nor find yourself playing with it during your speech. If you stumble over a word, no reason to apologize, the crowd has no idea what you were going to say. If you find yourself out of sorts and unsure where you are in your speech and tweak it some to get back on track, that is ok too. The same applies for a short pause or taking a quick breather. I would advise that you need to practice your speech as being familiar with the material does help ease the nerves and if you can run it in front of people you know, this will help as well. They don’t know what comes next or your exact These are just a few things, I believe can help with lowering the concern for speaking in front of 2 or more people.

I do believe the things above can make a difference in you speech. However, if you find that you need help, reach out for assistance. Most of you are in positions in one way or another that you may have to present even if it is in a team meeting or huddle or your boss may ask you to work on a project. Be honest with yourself and know when you need to reach out to others. We all have something that we need to ask for coaching on and there is nothing wrong with that. I had a debate coach for 3 ½ years that focused on communication. One of the fondest memories was when he shot water on us out of a water spray bottle to help us talk through distractions and not get caught up on stumbling over our words. I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor and coach at the time. I want to share two other links that share helpful information http://web.stanford.edu/dept/CTL/Oralcomm/Microsoft%20Word%20-%20OvercomingSpeechAnxiety.pdf and http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/phobias/expert-answers/fear-of-public-speaking/faq-20058416

I have decided to share this skill and am now offering tutoring in public speaking. If you are anyone else you know are interested, please have them email me at rootstothesoul@gmail.com or they can locate me at www.wyzant.com under Kandace J.

Thanks for stopping by today and I hope you can take something away from this blog today as being able to communicate comfortable makes a difference in the way we interact.

18 Aug

August 18, 2015August 18, 2015K Joi Spiritual No Comments

But…I’m a Christian

The moment in the church where your head is bowed and the words start writing non-erasable marks on your heart, your eyes start to fill like a waterfall, you have to swallow as you fell a lump in your throat, and the Pastor says… Let the church say Amen. At this point in church, you are normally feeling warm and fuzzy and full in your Spirit.

I hope you guys will leave a comment after reading this as it seems to be more and more of a topic in today’s society.

I find myself wondering why it is that people that Christians find it so necessary to over advise they are a Christian, but not necessarily take the word in the good book as the gospel. As people that swear by the name one moment and the next promotes racism or judging the next person; I believe we are forced to look at these being reasons why some of our churches aren’t growing. I don’t believe you can yell you are a Christian while badgering people about their past and bringing up their skeletons that are buried 6 feet under. As time passes, I find myself wondering what makes this person so worthy to judge. I don’t care the amount of time you have spent in a sanctuary clapping, praising, and dimly smiling at others. If your heart isn’t’ in the right place, the man above is going to know this. I don’t proclaim to be an expert on the bible, but last I checked he doesn’t support racism as he created all the races. Nor does he leave us believing that judging one another’s past or chastising them is one party’s duty. In fact, I believe he shares that the way you judge one another will be the way you are judged and the same for forgiveness.

Please save the expressive praise and the snide remarks if your heart isn’t in the right place. I am not speaking to people newly becoming a Christian as it is a process. I am speaking to the self-righteous parties who find it amusing to cast the first stone without knowing the background. Don’t forget that the devil lurks in the same isle of a sanctuary as the highly favored proclaimed saint. Most parties during their toughest times battle between the course they take and their spirit. I wrote a few weeks back about The Battle between Good and Evil for a reason. So many of us hold this title so high, but can’t find a way to get past turning the Bible pages quick enough to downplay someone else’s blessing. What is it in a person’s heart and thoughts that give them such superiority??? Where and when did it become ok to set the bar on folks and what they have overcome? The song, You Don’t Know My Story…. Will forever bring tears to my eyes as if we just took a moment to learn this about people, maybe, just maybe we could gain understanding versus giving a side eye. We all have overcome something, no matter how big or small, relevant to others or non-relevant. God set our journeys and our path according to a word that some of us will never understand. You can’t be living and trying to be in his image if you hate a group of people based on the color of their skin, which they had no choice in. You can be a Christian and still love those that love the same sex or gender parties. If we as Christians can sit in a church and watch the Power of God heal people from illness, handicaps, infertility…can we let him be the final judge??? I am unsure why so many people have a hard time showing the agape love that God shows us. If you set back for just a moment and think about the things you have done in your life that are in that box “Just for Jesus/God” then I am sure you can view things a little different. If you read this and tell yourself, you have nothing in that box… I am going to need you to sit and be more real with yourself. I am not saying this struggle is not always easy and I understand that as a Christian we want to bring others to God. However, there is a way to go about that and running them off first may only leave them with an impression that Christians don’t seem to conduct themselves in that light at all.

I believe as a Christian you can show other’s a love they have never known as God shows us. I am not saying it is always easy. I am saying make the choice to rise above it all and be better. You have a choice to be what so many articles share about joking about Christians being hypocrites or striving to model yourself to be better. Stop with the bold face lies, stop asking people to do what you wouldn’t or couldn’t do. Focus on your own growth and reach out to others as you feel lead by the Spirit and even then ask God to guide your tongue. I have found overtime that when I have been lead to do this… these talks go 100 times better than when I attempt to speak on my own opinion. The battle with this can be real and you may question if it is the right thing to do. You will know it is if you are being pulled to say something versus just attempting to make the wining point or be right in a conversation. Yep, I said conversation, not agreement. Have some compassion for what others struggle with and you don’t have to understand it as it is not your journey. Many journeys have more similarities than others are willing to admit. Is a drug dealer attempting to provide for his family different from the boardroom executive that is doing the same, but clearly took a different path? (Clearly some take a different path for different reasons) If you find that you are holier than thou and should be important enough to carry out the sentencing of forgiveness and judging for God, you may want to speak with him about that first and see how he leads you. After all, you are supposed to understand his word and be continuing to grow in it.

One additional note, so many of us get caught up in the hype of what others think of us. Believe me, you will reach a point of no return with this one. If they can’t get past what they know of you or who you used to be, you should re-evaluate if you are able to stay in that friendship or relationship at that point in your live. Unfortunately, many Christians struggling with their faith and living differently many mean that everyone is not on board. You have to be ok with that and use the Spirit of discernment to guide you through. Stop taking words to live by just because it is a Christian putting them out there. You can still be polite, but you don’t have to subject yourself to people that can’t understand the choice you have made to be a Christian and what your past brings with that. Learn to differentiate between those that come to you in sheep’s clothing shooting their opinion of your story versus being willing to focus on their own.

I by no means wrote this to make fun of the Christian faith. I have by far not been the perfect Christian in any way, shape, nor means. However, I am self-aware versus self-righteous, more understanding than most versus attempting to condemn, and know that God knows my heart. Let’s pull together and show people that amazing feeling you had the first time you walked into a church that everyone greeted you and smiled and the neighbor next to you spoke to you as the Pastor directed or didn’t because they were just glad to see another party in the church. You never know who escaped suicide to get there, the husband/wife that has beat them the night before, the drug addict asking for God’s guidance, the teenager considering hurting someone else, the person that has the weight of the world on their shoulders and are looking for that word on how to carry on. Let’s make it about more than a name and a stigma, Let’s Make it Real!!!!

If you enjoyed reading this blog, please check out The Power of Strongholds, Learning to Forgive, The Battle between Good and Evil.

04 Aug

August 4, 2015August 4, 2015K Joi Community/Events No Comments

Nothing but Support

As many of you know… I am big on support. I believe in helping others and showing support for those I believe in. So today is just a list of people I know doing great things and a snip it about their business and their contact information.

Ten Eleven Grill
Location: 1011 Corinth in Dallas, TX

Venue offers live music, spoken word, superior service, flavorful food
Writes ups in The Observer, offers a place to give back to the community, and owned by a magnificent couple who had dedicated time and effort to giving Dallas a place to call home.
Check out the website to see events, availability, etc
www.tenelevengrill.com

Plain Fancy Salon
Location: 3220 Gus Thomasson Suite 4 Mesquite, TX

Shava Echols focuses on healthy hair and educating you in how to care for your hair. She has been my stylist for as long as I can remember. No matter the length of my hair, she keeps it looking great and in good condition, not to mention the numerous colors we have visited with. She offers online appointments and you are guaranteed to have some laughs and many smiles while in her chair. You will walk out loving your hair and seeing the difference in it once you have tried this young lady.Check out her website to see photos, prices, and how to book www.styleseat.com/shavaechols

Eccentric Beauty

The bath and body product line offers shampoo/body bars, body/nail scrubs, hair/body balm, and glossing pomade to name a few. She will have lines coming soon for men, children, and the home. Many products are dual use in nature and are reasonable priced. A homegrown company that was based on assisting her son who had eczema. Now she has a full line of products that can help those that are ingredient conscious and ecofriendly. I personally love these products.
www.oneeccentricbeauty.com
Featured in a blog What’s the Buzz about Eccentric Beauty?? https://www.rootstothesoul.com/2015/05/26/whats-the-buzz…centric-beauty/

Universal Purpose

A business that offers an array of oils, car scents, and scents for the home. The owner is mobile and will deliver orders. He offers one of a kind scents that last longer than most fragrances with them being oils. He focuses on participating in events that also give back to the community.
https://www.facebook.com/universalpurpose

Illustrious Optics

A company ran by a young man that has a passion for education. He uses his lens to allow people to see the events that people miss while in the same setting. So many things happen at an event and for those that are there and are not, this one helps savor those memories.
http://www.illustriousoptics.com

TMI Radio

TMI is over a year old and has listeners from the United States, Brazil, Britain, United Kingdom, China, Guam, Italy, Scotland, and Africa to name a few. The station gives callers the ability to call in and share thoughts and on some shows to visit the studio to participate. The atmosphere in the studio is welcoming by all the host and hostesses. Tune in to different shows and feel free to make contact to discuss marketing and advertising packages.
www.tmiradio.com
Featured in a blog Interview with the TMI Radio CEO at https://www.rootstothesoul.com/2015/04/14/interview-with…-tmi-radio-ceo/ ‎

Avaron Marketing

The dude will wow you with his talent. He is creative and innovative and recently redid my flyers and business cards. I have had a few people ask for his information after seeing the new flyer and cards. His website and work speaks for itself and he offers great turnaround times. Be sure to tell him KJoi referred you.

Home

Gator Auto Detailing

If you are anything like me… getting your car washed is one more thing on the to do list that sometimes gets pushed down the priority list. Gator offers mobile detailing at a price you can’t refuse. I love the fact I can get my car cleaned while at work, getting my hair done, or while running errands. He never disappoints.
http://gatorautodetailing.com/Gator/Gator/

Artistic Vision

A mom turned artist. She started her own company from the passion of doing art and is also an author. Her art is unique and each painting has a story behind it. She has had her paintings in furniture stores and art galleries.
http://artisticvisionsbymonicateague.com/

Andy Brown Speaks

Life coach, author, radio host. Mr. Brown offers many different services. He has a background in the corporate world turned entrepreneur. His radio show is called The Online Happy Hour and is on TMIRadio.com
http://www.andybrownspeaks.com/

AP Beats + Tees

A company that specializes in customize t-shirts. Owned by a friendly owner that pays attention to detail and offers a creative flare to t-shirts. He started by loving music and starting to create. I personally have had my t-shirts done by him and people loved them.
http://apbeatstees.com/

I am sure there are many contacts that have been left off… if you are looking or need a recommendation for something particular, just shoot me an email to rootstothesoul@gmail.com and I will see who I know. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you make the most of today as we never know what tomorrow holds.

28 Jul

July 28, 2015July 28, 2015K Joi Relationships No Comments

5 Things I Wish My Ex’s Knew

All things discussed are relative and implying based on what I have heard women say and react based on.

As a child, girls are initially started out to be groomed to think about that one special day. So most girls are starting to think about what her Ken and Prince Charming will be like to help her build her yellow brick road. She starts early on thinking about if she wants a family, what kind of mom she will be, and what her American Dream will consist of. She dreams, dreams, dreams of what will be the next step once she gets old enough to date and who that one will be. We have dream doll houses, babies that do live things, play kitchen, and mock salons to prep us. It takes a little girl growing into an independent teenager and into a thriving young lady to not let these stigmas grow with her. She can focus on being the full package, but it isn’t complete until he locates her. I know, I know… he is supposed to find her. What happens when the dream becomes a nightmare and you wonder why most of your exs suffer from the lack of a mix of the 5 Things I Wish My Ex’s Knew.

The lack of willingness to communicate is a red flag.
A lack of support through tragic situations say the love is lost.
Making me a lower priority or a shift on the priority list.
Seeking attention from other women.
The act of loving me

Let’s depict these. The concern of communication can be on the female side as well, but today we will grab it from the male side. Where oh where does it start. It seems like from a boys adolescents they can choose communication signs that are so hard to understand. As the move, He Just Isn’t Into You, shows a boy will throw stuff at you or step on your mud pie and females can read this different ways. They open up discussion in this movie by advising that they give such weird signals. However… that just starts us all on the wrong page to think they do and say opposite of what they mean. For some men, they don’t know how to communicate. Those that don’t will show that in different ways. He may avoid the conflict by shutting down or he may just stray away from pillow talk or deep things. Either way… it is a sign. Keep in mind that communication does not have to always be verbal, so nonverbal ques count as well. I need men to understand how this really breaks down the relationship. So if it is as minor as her thinking she can’t discuss her day, what stresses her, family drama she may assume it says how he feels about her. When he makes a mistake and isn’t willing to open up about it, it shows accountability concerns. A lack of accountability attached to this and can make a women feel that she is not or wasn’t important enough for you to want to have these discussions. Just something to think about. If you go back and forth on the same thing and he never shares his opinion on the situation or a solution… you have to wonder if he is still in the relationship.

Lack of Support through Tragic Situations

This one guys… is right up there with communication. I have to say it just makes me shake my head due to the lack of compassion some have for the ones they “love”. Please put yourself in this situation prior to handling it a certain way. When someone/anyone loses someone they love or care about and have a significant other, I promise you that person needs your support and understanding through these times. I understand that everyone handles death differently and many times we don’t know how to handle death. Communication can assist in trying to be supportive. Allow her to share her feelings, cry, and to be in a funk for a bit. She doesn’t need nor want to hear how you handle death at that point. It doesn’t matter that you are now suddenly tired and can’t lend an ear. If you turn her away when she needs your shoulder, it says more than you were just busy. Please understand I am not speaking of having to run to work, an important business meeting that you can’t skip, or something of that nature. If you sale it to her that she can’t rely on you through those times it can lead to resentment. I personally ended a relationship over this one. I was dating a guy I had been dating for almost two years when my maternal grandmother passed from cancer. My boyfriend at the time had a rough week and when I called to say she had passed after he got off work, he advised he was tired and was going to need to call me tomorrow. He did share his condolences, but he lived 2 hours away and I was up most the night upset. True to form he did call the next day and was all in. I personally took it as if he was not willing to push through that tiredness then it equated to how much he cared or didn’t care for me. After all I loved this dude. For a women, this goes further than how a male may evaluate it. If he is someone you see building a family with, you then wonder if something was to happen to you how he would act with your children or family. For me, that said it all.

The Shift on the Priority List

Men, Men, Men… some of you guys are pros at this and others may just not know how to show her she is important. You can’t keep pushing her down the list and expect her to know she is important to you. At that point where she is shifted down the list for a certain amount of time, it will catch her eye. She may not say anything right off, but she is paying attention. If she doesn’t hear from you during her week of her cycle on a consistent basis then she may have other concerns. If you only now have time for her once you finish everything and no longer ask how she is doing or send cute messages, she will take notice. I just think you can save yourself the time by reassuring her early on as priorities shift sometimes on a weekly basis, she won’t feel that shift or be as concerned if it is normally clear where she stands as a priority. If she owns a house and has a minor issue and she calls you, you don’t call back to check on the issue until later and then recommend her calling someone else to assist that she knows versus you coming to make sure all is ok, she knows she is not a priority and nothing you can do or say can or will change that. So be sure before you send out that mayday signal, if that is not what you are actually wanting to do.

Seeking attention from other women

This can start as a result of so many things. The biggest thing with this is that most the time we don’t know it is going on until it becomes embarrassing. So if it is lude comments on social media on other women’s photos or the “innocent” flirt with the server. How disrespectful is that SHIT? No female is more secure in her relationship from her dude searching for attention from the chick around the way. What is it that drives people to this point? Can he really say the lack of attention from the chick in his path or can it be that whatever is going on has not been resolved. Ladies, if he is mentioning someone you have never heard of and the women walked passed him and turns around to introduce herself, the chick maybe interested. The girlfriend/wife does not need to address this. Once that young lady steps out of line, he needs to be able to have that conversation. If you get a rise from other women doing more than looking, then you need to re-evaluate why you are where you are. Are you really ready for a relationship if you are seeking the attention of someone else to validate who you are or if you still have it like that. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so don’t get me wrong… but we all know the difference between someone looking and keeping it moving. If you are missing something at home and are lacking one thing or multiple things, then the best thing to do is communicate about it. You would hate for your leading lady to be worried about you cheating or having a wondering eye and it is something that can be worked out as you are not attempting to cheat.

The act of loving me: Less says more than you think

I love you, I miss you, I care for you are all just words, if breathe is never breathed into the words. You can’t love a women in one breath and then in the next one screw her over time and time again. The little things that are asked about that are not done does not show your love or caring nature. Strong independent women are able to do so many of the things that men can do. It is about finding a helpmate and someone that can give some understanding and boundaries. It can be such little things like an additional hug, or surprise visit. At times, we can find it hard to know with trying to not equate the things above. How do you show love, share this with her along the way and ways it may alter that don’t mean anything different from what she is used to. Keep in mind that if you advise of these things and set a field of what to expect, then she may easily transition with you between those hard days at work or stressing on the next step to take.

If you enjoyed this blog, please check out 3 Core Values in a Relationship under the Relationship category.

21 Jul

July 21, 2015K Joi Spiritual No Comments

Battle between Good and Evil

Somewhere in between the good, bad, and the evil is a person of flesh, a brain, a heart, and a pulse. We may all be made up of different DNA, but those few things ring true in all of us. It doesn’t change based on what God we pray to, how we practice our religion, what politician we vote for, or who we love. I wonder as we take a look in the mirror and I mean a real look, what we see? Is it someone you can be proud of? Have you learned how to deal with your stress and mistakes? I say all that to say that I feel so many times we are so quick to judge others or exude a lack of compassion because someone made a decision we would not have made. No matter how much of an eternal optimist I am, I still have to be careful of biases that can be built up based on situations, interactions, and perceptions.

Disney depicts it in many of their cartoons so children learn from an early age how people that may bring you harm looks like, may smell, or give you a weird vibe. I believe the battle is much like what I have seen from commercials of their new move Inside Out discussing one’s emotions. Emotions and our thoughts drive so much of it. I say that to say our emotions drive us many times when the race is just beginning. As a child, I used to wonder if thunder and lightning were the result of good and evil on the battle field. I wondered if the impact they brought were based on one side tackling the other side.

I wonder for those that don’t believe there is a battle daily on this Earth, how they account for or view some of the things that happen on this Earth by the humans that live here daily. We are so quick to blame others for the consequences that come with the decisions we have made. At what point do we recognize that everyone’s walk, challenges, and self-awareness is on different levels. It doesn’t mean one is more right or wrong, but rather that it makes us who we are. While one little girl that is molested by a family member will turn to women for comfort, the other little girl in the same situation will use it as motivation to give children a voice and possibly a safe haven to escape that scenario. We don’t all come with the same circuits in us to make a stance in the community and there are other ways to make an impact. It isn’t always about being in the limelight after coming through the dark. Sometimes your journey is to overcome that darkness, either way the battle continues.

We may never be able to understand the reason why the little boy that has been in and out of foster homes ends up with a foster family that beats him. It is like getting to the end of the tunnel to not find the light, but only more darkness. I do believe that just as God rules us all, with free will and choice and the devil and demons running free… it comes out in the actions of people of the world today. So it is no different from the person at work that never seems to be in a joyful mood to the women you only hear negative stories from. I don’t personally care who you believe rules the sky, heals people, nor if you believe there are gates of heaven to enter. However, I think we would be a little naïve not to admit there is a struggle daily here. Innocent people are shot daily, racism is at an all-time high and I wonder when some of you will take a step back to evaluate what is going on in the world today and within yourselves.

Are you willing to view the things you may not see? Not watching the news or reading CNN doesn’t change that. I always wonder how it is that we have a lottery to give money away after people spend money, but we have a ton of homeless people out there along with children with no place to safely call home or have a meal. We have companies sponsoring huge sports events, but could more of that go to charity. Why are we paying for roads that everyone has to use to get somewhere and the prices continue to increase…? Is the amount of pavement and tools increasing?? As terror events happen and we can’t seem to come together for one common good no matter who runs the US based on his skin; where do the masses matter???

I just ask you to come be self-aware first and foremost. Then take it a little further and recognize when you are letting the evil and wrong things creep into your head, heart, and the people around you. I ask you to open you heart and learn how to love thy neighbor and get to know them for who they are and not based on their skin, hair type, piercing, tattoos, eye color, height, weight, etc. Learn to just love people based on those things that we will always have in common and never change.

What team will you play on?

Are you looking to toss the football from a positive to a negative arena? Will you suit up in sports gear to protect yourself, your heart, or soul for whichever team you play on? Which side will your eternal makeup pull you towards and dominate.

Much like the battles that Batman, Superman, and the Transformers are against in the comics or like the offense and defense in sports. Are you looking to toss the football from a positive to a negative arena? So you have the ball and are headed down the field attempting to fake out the defense and as you get closer to the touchdown and you have all the feelings and thoughts that run through your head. Will you suit up in sports gear to protect yourself, your heart, or soul for whichever team you play on? Which side will your eternal makeup pull you towards and dominate??

14 Jul

July 14, 2015July 14, 2015K Joi Community/Events No Comments

Corporate America… Living the Dream

I had the pleasure of meeting the cast of Corporate America last Tuesday on The Online Happy Hour while discussing Horrible Bosses. It all started from a man, Sal Salvello, who wrote a book turned soon to be comedy sitcom is now launching as a new series. Mr. Salvello wrote a book making fun of the corporate politics and it turned into a money maker to support his family. This is a sitcom in the making and currently doing a comedy tour in Dallas and in Louisiana. I was able to see the first night of the comedy show at Hyena’s in Dallas a Mockingbird Station. The location was easy to access, had plenty of parking, fast service, reasonable drinks and food, and plenty of seating. They had cupcakes out in the area where you could mix and mingle before and after the show.

The show was Sunday evening at 8:30 PM and was the first leg of the tour. It highlighted the stars in the upcoming sitcom Corporate America. The sitcom was created by Sal Salvello and Kim Glasgow. This is based off real Corporate America examples and some that range from each end of the spectrum. The show was hosted by Vivian Fullerlove, who is also known for her public relations and marketing sectors. This was the first comedy venture for Ms. Fullerlove and she was cool, calm, and collected. She gave great intros to the lineup and shared a little about her upcoming roll in the sitcom. The tour consisted of Farah White, David Jessup, Tyson Faifer, Barry Whitewater, and Brian Schoby.

Corporate America for many of us is our bread and butter, but we need time to let go and relax. This comedy tour allows you to see so many of the things that can get out of control in these setting and allow us to take a break and breathe. I know I had had a hell of a week prior and was able to drop my shoulders and giggle. The setting draws you in as you don’t want to miss one word and keeps you curious as to what is to come next. Comedians from all different backgrounds, nationalities, and styles graced the stage. As different as they may have been, one common thing rang true and that was the laughter they brought. The race issues in America to the difference in family dynamics can make Corporate America a forced to be reckoned with although we are not to discuss those things, they still come up in one persons biased or stereotyping. Topics ranged from family, gay pride, welfare, marriage, etc. You never knew what was coming next and there was not one dull moment. It flowed very smooth and everyone seemed like a natural. It was not like some of these shows we see or hear about. There were not cruel and unusual jokes told that would heart anyone’s feelings.

As familiar as some of the jokes were and others were not so relatable, but still funny and easy to follow. I can be sure that the ones that didn’t hit home for me were the ones that hit home for someone else. In this environment, it is important that all parties stay light hearted and they did. Crowd participation was not mandatory, but was done easily. We wanted to help out from clapping a beat to a rap or answering minor questions here and there were seamless due to the energy in the room. No matter who was on stage, all parties were respectful. The content was neither vulgar nor harsh. The comments made sexual in nature were in good taste and all parties laughed, men and women. I think one of the best parts was seeing the other parties participating in the crowd cheering on the next performer and laughing just as hard as the crowd once they nailed a big joke. Laughter and smiles were shared alike by all parties as I took a gander around the room and some were easy to point out by their infectious laugh.

I don’t recall hearing of anything else like this on tour or coming to a sitcom. Yes we have had some shows similar, but anxious to see the new fresh look and their take on this arena. As I exited the venue, I heard people sharing they were looking forward to the sitcom due to laughter endured from the comedy show.

The cast met after the show and mingled with the guest. They took photos, answered questions, and had additional laughs. They did not charge for the photos nor rush the guest. They were all so patient and engaged in meeting their fans

Bravo to this cast and parties that have stood behind this project.

Kudos to Vivian Fullerlove, Sal Salvello, and Kim Glasgow for making this all possible

Laughter is good for the soul and you will want to get into to see this show before it ends.

You can follow them on Facebook under Corporate America Comedy Tour

07 Jul

July 7, 2015July 7, 2015K Joi Relationships 2 Comments

Who Has Game??

It is always something that has come up in relationship talks… Do men or women have more game in the dating arena? My question is, really??? I don’t think it is one over the other. I think the real people winning the game are always revealed. I listen to peoples dating stories almost as though I am going into a movie to watch an action packed movie full of suspense. Starting with the unknown truths, to the ultimatums, to the struggle to get to know one another….where do the barriers end and begin. I have to wonder as some describe it as WINNING as though it is like a board game. However, is WINNING just finding a good mate to date or is it really once you are in a successful marriage. I guess my view may be too strong… as winning for me will be once I have a successful marriage. I can date, date, date, but until that man finds me to be his wife and we succeed at those things to build a solid foundation for tomorrow and our family, then winning is over rated. After all, e census per thoughtcatalog.com states that nationally there are 86 eligible males for every 100 women. However, there are 100 million single people in the US, so one of them has to work out. Hmmm, so someone should be winning.

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies

So let’s open it up to some realness with no cute dance arounds. I find it amazing that some people that are in the dating world seem to be unsure what dating consist of. I hear women jumping into dating someone and feeling like because whatever he says are words to live by. They never take into account his actions or anything else that solidifies his word as bond. Why as women are we so willing to take him at his word and not focus on the surrounding clues? We turn away from suspensions, we turn away from him being honest, and we turn away from finding him in lies. What is it we are really looking for?? If a guy says he is dating and has not clarified you are exclusive or you are the only one; he more than likely is dating other women. I am just saying, it doesn’t hurt to clarify if you are not sure. I understand all the ones out there that are going to say men will lie. They will ladies, but some of the lies they tell come attached to the truth in our faces. However, we aren’t willing to accept that. Is he really the one at fault for that? I think we have to take some accountability. For those that are telling you, you are the only one and playing into every part of the puzzle, you may want to turn to your spirit of discernment if you are spiritual. In the same respect women, if you have kids and you guys two are serious and exclusive and he never wants to involve your child, you should recognize that and not sweep it under the rug unless your child is not a priority. If we are putting up ultimatums for men to marry us or stay… does that really bring any other security to your relationship that wasn’t already there if you feel he only did it because you put your foot down with a timeline? Other articles discuss how they can be really damaging to the relationship. Keep in mind that if this man takes you up on this ultimatum, that you will still have that lack of security because then you are wondering if it was just so he wouldn’t have to find somewhere else to stay, is he being faithful, etc… whatever the reason you gave him that ultimatum is not settled because he obliges to it. So and then there is the ladies looking for a man for what he can do for her. I don’t think there is anything wrong wanting someone to be your head of household that knows how to lead or handle finances. However, you may want to bring something to the table as well. No I don’t mean in a physical sense because anything can happen that changes that. I don’t even necessarily mean a degree. I know so many women with different backgrounds and have so much to offer in the way of it all and knowing how to accept and respect a good man. On one last note, states showed that most women (57%) said that their first impressions of a guy are based off of his body language and self-presentation. Just 38% judged him on how he speaks and a low 7% cared about what he actually said per thoughtcatalog.com. I thought this was interesting because it confirms although many of us women are quick to say we don’t focus on looks…something has to catch our eye about that man to peak our interest before speaking. It may not be as contingent on looks, but definitely the way he handles himself can say a lot.

Fellas

I hear men say, they can’t really settle down until they find that one. I laugh in my head many times when I hear men describe the “perfect wife” as so many of the areas can be unrealistic. So I need you guys to get some reality as women have to as well. She isn’t Superwomen as the song by Karen White discusses, she is your helpmate. She may be a bad chick in the good sense of the word, by being pretty, nice body, has a career, holds down the kids, cooks, and gives you great sex. However, at some point things may happen where she needs your help cooking or cleaning and I don’t think that should be an issue. Cooking and doing other things around the house to me shows a mutual respect for one another. I do need these men to stop selling these women dreams that you know you could care less about. Just be honest in what it is you are looking for. If you are just dating until you find that one, say that. It is ok to say you plan to date multiple people until you find that one you want to get serious with. Most women I meet would be respectful of that and appreciate the honesty versus not advising of that. I know, I know… some women won’t appreciate the honesty, but that doesn’t mean you should not share the truth because of that. I think the best I have heard yet was a man that was dating a women, almost one year in, and still advising he can’t recall when it became exclusive. The funny thing was, not sure why that matters… but it got better. He went on to share that at some point she just switched how she referred to him and he never stopped to question it. He had introduced her to his friends and asking her to make certain meals, and knew she wanted to be married. He a year in could openly admit he wasn’t ready to let her go by having the conversation of not being sure where things were headed. I think just as women have to take accountability for doing some of these things, guys do to. Dude, you can’t be a year in with a chick and asking for things that most look for from a mate and think she won’t assume it is moving forward. I am not one to make that assumption, but many women will go off of a mans actions and words. I can’t say she is wrong for that if he has never stopped to say we aren’t really exclusive and I am not sure that I want to be in a serious relationship with you. Men, you have be open to letting go of one while in search of that other one versus holding on and not being transparent while seeking or waiting for the greener grass. It just does so much emotional damage. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t make sense to you. Ask yourself how you will handle it when it is your daughter being done the same way you treat women or your mom… That may help those that can’t understand this concept make it a little clearer.

Be Honest

We all want that one that everyone else wants. We want the guy with the nice body, great communication skills, and cooks, pampers his women, knows how to surprise you without asking what you want, knows how to be romantic, and loves you like no one else. However, realistically…. Since perfection doesn’t exist. We have known and learn what can work on both parts. If you have a criminal background or children you don’t take care of, you should share that too as the relationship heats up. Many men and women, won’t care about these things if they know before walking down the aisle. My thing is… I don’t think it is that men or women are better at playing the game. I believe the real one’s winning in the dating world are the people that can understand how dating works. The people that are self-aware enough to know what to share when and not scared to let those brick walls down. Don’t get me wrong… I know all too well how scary it is to get back out there and let someone in again. However, if you truly want to date and see what is out there for you, we have to be willing to take the risk. I know our hearts aren’t as easily repairable and trust doesn’t come overnight, but think about what you are trying to accomplish. If you know you don’t want a relationship but someone you just enjoy sexually, say that. Just as many people that want relationships these days are looking for just someone to hang with and enjoy a great orgasm from time to time. I can’t tell you what is right or wrong for you, but you need to know what that is and what works and doesn’t work for you. No one wants to waste time with someone because they just weren’t honest. Also, learn how to make some of those decisions for yourself. Everyone is going to have someone they share their business with, but you are the one that will be in the situation. Make sure it is something you can be comfortable with. So I do truly feel like the ones winning the game are the ones helping not add to the divorce rates by jumping into someone that you can’t have heart to hearts with, or someone you don’t trust, or see having children with. The winners are the ones having those pressing conversations with their mate as things progress. Let them know your past and make a choice if they want to stay. Balance who you share the details of your mate with as you don’t want personal things floating around out there as someone decides to share the details of your relationship with someone you couldn’t trust with it. Believe in yourself, your feelings, open up to the one you want if that is what you both are moving towards, be willing to push past barriers you have up… only do so if the person is worth doing something different to get somewhere you have never been.

If you enjoyed this blog, check out The 3 Core Values of a Relationship, Learning to Forgive, and Love and Respect.

30 Jun

June 30, 2015K Joi Relationships 2 Comments

Let Go

As time moves forward, I find myself looking back and forward and always evaluating what should be done next. In that process, I find myself looking at the mistakes I have made in the past. I have stayed in a nutshell so long, it be hard to allow myself to just let my hair down and even have a good time. I tend to stay tense and at times feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I find and accept that many times I have done this to myself.

The people in your life, the way you take care of you, the peace you need in your life… all things that need to be a priority. I can’t say it enough!!! I will tell you to be careful who you keep around. I am not saying to cut a person off at the first signs of differences. I am saying that as we get older, make time to review those “friendships” and past relationships. Take the time when it is needed so you can stop wanting to go back and get answers that was truly over years ago. Be honest with yourself with what you can and can’t deal with. I know this will differ per person, however, it is essential to communicate well through any relationship. We have to stop doing things that cause more detriment to ourselves in order to please others. I decided some time ago to stop fighting for friendships that didn’t do the same. I decided long ago to let the past relationships be that. I no longer need or feel as though I have to nurture those friendships. Many times relationships and friendships end due to the season for that relationship being over. We hang on so long due to our comfort zone and I am guilty of it. At times it can be hard to cut those ties due to past experiences. I urge you to ask yourself why you would put someone else above your own sanity. I can assure you if it is a one sided friendship or relationship, it will drain you one day. You will wake up and feel as though you are empty in that avenue. So… I say all this to say. You can’t be 100 % you without thinking of you 1^st. I am not saying be selfish, as it isn’t. I am saying that you have to care enough about you to make smart decisions for you. I have always been the type of person to put others before me for most my life. If I could help them, if I can be there for them, if I can save them…I promise you, you will reach a day of trying to figure out how the relationship took that turn. You will have to have some accountability where it is concerned.

Wake up, Wake up, Wake up… I am not saying people can’t learn or change the way they handle things or communicate. Time has proven that many are not self-aware enough to care about these things until it is something that may benefit them. I have seen friendships and relationships ruined due to the lack of being self-aware and accountability. It is not your job to save people. You can’t change the choices they make. As we know we all live a life that may remind us daily of our past mistakes and highs, but you just have to take it day by day and focus on the next step. Accept what you have learned in the process and be aware as the test will come again. I tend to do horribly at this because of my undying belief that people want to be good people. The truth is, many people are not so focused on just being good people. By nature many are selfish and don’t see much outside of their own window and by the time they do, the damage that has been done can be unrepairable.

I can say I have shed my last tear on unrepairable relationships. Learn to recognize that and operate accordingly. I used to find myself searching for ways to repair these and it can just take so much time and really just distracts you from the lesson to be learned. Be thankful for the good times and put the rest to bed. Don’t shed your tears on people that will never realize what you brought to the table nor be open to accept the error of their ways. Let go, Let go, Let go… Your Happiness, Your Destiny, Your Path depends on it.

23 Jun

June 23, 2015K Joi My Visions 2 Comments

My Reason Why

This was put on my heart to share

I have been asked over and over again why I have decided to blog and work on a book. I have been asked what subjects the blog will address. Is there a certain flow or style to the blog? I have been asked when I will hit more controversial topics.

My reason for blogging is multileveled. My #1 reason for blogging is to educate and or bring awareness. I am not looking for everyone to be in agreement with me; however, I do have a voice to be heard. I used to be a shy young lady that only went after comfortable things. I rarely walked outside of my box and comfort zone. I by no means was an introvert, but have always been one to sit back and observe first. Freshman year in high school a teacher asked me about considering joining the debate team. She lured me in by advising I would meet nice looking guys. She neglected to share with me that this would help me even out my views on life, hone my communication skills, and would forever burn in my heart. After being out of high school, I went back and judged state qualifying tournaments for ten years. I felt it was a way to give back to the youth and mentor them in some way on how to be a better communicator.

I have had a fire burning inside of me to help people for as long as I can remember. I have been one that is always looking for a way to assist and find a solution. I have had a passion to help train and teach for years. I have had times in my career of considering leaving the corporate world to teach, but never did. I think something within me was scared to leave what I have always been accustomed to.
I recall a time of passing a homeless guy some money and heading to a different area to pick up something for my father. I came back through and he was still there. He asked me to drop him off at his hotel. I agreed by stepping out on faith with a quick, quick prayer. I took him through a drive through and dropped him off at his motel. He said he was staying there with a friend as they had saved up enough to stay a night or two. He shared with me how he had made a mistake with his family and they disowned him and that is how he became homeless. I know I was crazy to allow him in my car, but I always think of what I would want for someone to do for me or my family if it was us. I am by no means advising anyone to do the same. I realize what I did was dangerous and could of cost me my life. I am merely sharing the story to make a point. I recall another time of passing a women money in church because the spirit lead me to. As I passed it to her and saw the emotion on her face, I knew I did the right thing listening to the spirit.

How the name and project came about

The name of this project came to me at a trying time in my life. I had lost my father, moved to a new state, started a new area of my career, and was unsure what my next steps would be. I was sleeping one of the few times I slept well while living in Jacksonville, FL when I felt God speak to me. He gave me the name and at that time, I was wondering what I was supposed to do with it. I had no idea what it would come to mean to me in just a few months’ time into fruition. My biggest question was; how do I share my story and my voice and hold on to my comfort zone. Am I ready to share my views and opinions about faith, success, relationships, without knowing if people would accept me or embrace it? God advised that I t was time to step out of my shell and trust in him as things started to unfold, my journey was only to Imact1. This could be women, young girls, boys and men if they want to know the impact of their actions. I know that seems vague, but I believe if we were all to open up about the things that bring us joy and pain then people may have a better understanding of their actions. After considering the best way to do that, I knew I would have to open up and communicate more with my peers. It did not come without doubt and wonder. I know many people that have been successful in what they started and every now and then, you still see or hear that tinge of doubt or unsureness. Everyone won’t realize why, agree, or support; so you will have to step above that and know that if God said it is to be, no man can change that. The countless messages I have received from people that have taken their time to read what I am investing in and their opinions has been very helpful. It confirmed for me that I have made the right choice. I do it for all my babies (nieces and nephews) out there. One day they will have an opinion of who I am, who I became, and what I did with my life. I’ve struggled with the idea of writing a book, as that comes without the bells and whistles. However, it comes with an undeniable truth that if I can make it and have faith, so can anyone else!!!!!

A reminder to all

I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years and this person just happened to share their story with me. They were so bold, candid, and forthcoming and with a story that many of us would only view or have nightmares of in a movie. I did wonder how they could be so bold, so confident, so willing to share. They shared with me because, God changed them. They have been more open about sharing what makes them who they are today because it will help someone else. As thankful as I was for this person just wanting to share what happened in their life, they hadn’t seen me in years. They weren’t worried about me judging them; they just were good with where they were. I could only appreciate and respect their honesty. It reminded me that we can learn so much from just being willing to share where we have fallen. I didn’t pass judgement, but rather found myself aww struck as it has been years since I have ran into someone so transparent.

My heart, soul, and spirit light up when I write. I have made some of the earlier topics lighter due to me wanting to give people a chance to get to know me and who I am. I am learning how to share my struggle through my words. I assure you there will be ups and downs along the way. However, he will equip you. Don’t focus on what people seem to support or don’t. Focus on writing or sharing your journey by letting God place your circle around you as needed. I have been so blessed to have support from people that I did not know very well prior. I am not here to say it will be easy. You will have times that people will not support and they may even hurt your feelings along the way. I am here to remind you to keep dusting yourself off and focus on the unending desire that you can’t ignore. You have to believe in yourself first beyond measure (this will come with time).This will be hard at first, but know God did not put this in you to leave you alone. He will provide avenues you did not see coming to assist you. I have had an opportunity to be on online radio, have a commercial (still seems unreal to me), start t-shirts, opening up about myself and my news. I promise you it will be a feeling like no other…. NO EXCUSES…work on that dream and make it a reality.

In my latest training class I had to share two truths and one lie as we are trying to all get to know one another. I used me being a blogger to see if anyone would think that was the lie. One guy, I hadn’t even met said he knew the blogger was true. This was our first day together in the class and this occurred about half way through the day. I share this to say that you never know what people see in you. I was in shock as he went on to explain that I was articulate and professional so he didn’t see it being far-fetched. I didn’t share this to pat myself on the back, but to share that you never know what other people see and will use to form an opinion.

I believe my greatest moments are ahead of me. I hope you will continue to join me on my journey and into the next step of writing my book. I am a blogger now, a corporate employee continuing to progress in my career, a family girl, a woman with more hopes and dreams. I am the same as the next person out there that put action behind their heart. My baby is now a blog. I live and breathe it. As I see the transition from barley speaking on it to wanting to wear my shirts everywhere and speak of the blog, it truly becomes your reason why. Feel free to follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Feel free to leave a message on the website to share how you feel about the content or if there is an area you would like to hear about.

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