June 2015 – Roots To The Soul

30 Jun

June 30, 2015K Joi Relationships 2 Comments

Let Go

As time moves forward, I find myself looking back and forward and always evaluating what should be done next. In that process, I find myself looking at the mistakes I have made in the past. I have stayed in a nutshell so long, it be hard to allow myself to just let my hair down and even have a good time. I tend to stay tense and at times feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I find and accept that many times I have done this to myself.

The people in your life, the way you take care of you, the peace you need in your life… all things that need to be a priority. I can’t say it enough!!! I will tell you to be careful who you keep around. I am not saying to cut a person off at the first signs of differences. I am saying that as we get older, make time to review those “friendships” and past relationships. Take the time when it is needed so you can stop wanting to go back and get answers that was truly over years ago. Be honest with yourself with what you can and can’t deal with. I know this will differ per person, however, it is essential to communicate well through any relationship. We have to stop doing things that cause more detriment to ourselves in order to please others. I decided some time ago to stop fighting for friendships that didn’t do the same. I decided long ago to let the past relationships be that. I no longer need or feel as though I have to nurture those friendships. Many times relationships and friendships end due to the season for that relationship being over. We hang on so long due to our comfort zone and I am guilty of it. At times it can be hard to cut those ties due to past experiences. I urge you to ask yourself why you would put someone else above your own sanity. I can assure you if it is a one sided friendship or relationship, it will drain you one day. You will wake up and feel as though you are empty in that avenue. So… I say all this to say. You can’t be 100 % you without thinking of you 1^st. I am not saying be selfish, as it isn’t. I am saying that you have to care enough about you to make smart decisions for you. I have always been the type of person to put others before me for most my life. If I could help them, if I can be there for them, if I can save them…I promise you, you will reach a day of trying to figure out how the relationship took that turn. You will have to have some accountability where it is concerned.

Wake up, Wake up, Wake up… I am not saying people can’t learn or change the way they handle things or communicate. Time has proven that many are not self-aware enough to care about these things until it is something that may benefit them. I have seen friendships and relationships ruined due to the lack of being self-aware and accountability. It is not your job to save people. You can’t change the choices they make. As we know we all live a life that may remind us daily of our past mistakes and highs, but you just have to take it day by day and focus on the next step. Accept what you have learned in the process and be aware as the test will come again. I tend to do horribly at this because of my undying belief that people want to be good people. The truth is, many people are not so focused on just being good people. By nature many are selfish and don’t see much outside of their own window and by the time they do, the damage that has been done can be unrepairable.

I can say I have shed my last tear on unrepairable relationships. Learn to recognize that and operate accordingly. I used to find myself searching for ways to repair these and it can just take so much time and really just distracts you from the lesson to be learned. Be thankful for the good times and put the rest to bed. Don’t shed your tears on people that will never realize what you brought to the table nor be open to accept the error of their ways. Let go, Let go, Let go… Your Happiness, Your Destiny, Your Path depends on it.

23 Jun

June 23, 2015K Joi My Visions 2 Comments

My Reason Why

This was put on my heart to share

I have been asked over and over again why I have decided to blog and work on a book. I have been asked what subjects the blog will address. Is there a certain flow or style to the blog? I have been asked when I will hit more controversial topics.

My reason for blogging is multileveled. My #1 reason for blogging is to educate and or bring awareness. I am not looking for everyone to be in agreement with me; however, I do have a voice to be heard. I used to be a shy young lady that only went after comfortable things. I rarely walked outside of my box and comfort zone. I by no means was an introvert, but have always been one to sit back and observe first. Freshman year in high school a teacher asked me about considering joining the debate team. She lured me in by advising I would meet nice looking guys. She neglected to share with me that this would help me even out my views on life, hone my communication skills, and would forever burn in my heart. After being out of high school, I went back and judged state qualifying tournaments for ten years. I felt it was a way to give back to the youth and mentor them in some way on how to be a better communicator.

I have had a fire burning inside of me to help people for as long as I can remember. I have been one that is always looking for a way to assist and find a solution. I have had a passion to help train and teach for years. I have had times in my career of considering leaving the corporate world to teach, but never did. I think something within me was scared to leave what I have always been accustomed to.
I recall a time of passing a homeless guy some money and heading to a different area to pick up something for my father. I came back through and he was still there. He asked me to drop him off at his hotel. I agreed by stepping out on faith with a quick, quick prayer. I took him through a drive through and dropped him off at his motel. He said he was staying there with a friend as they had saved up enough to stay a night or two. He shared with me how he had made a mistake with his family and they disowned him and that is how he became homeless. I know I was crazy to allow him in my car, but I always think of what I would want for someone to do for me or my family if it was us. I am by no means advising anyone to do the same. I realize what I did was dangerous and could of cost me my life. I am merely sharing the story to make a point. I recall another time of passing a women money in church because the spirit lead me to. As I passed it to her and saw the emotion on her face, I knew I did the right thing listening to the spirit.

How the name and project came about

The name of this project came to me at a trying time in my life. I had lost my father, moved to a new state, started a new area of my career, and was unsure what my next steps would be. I was sleeping one of the few times I slept well while living in Jacksonville, FL when I felt God speak to me. He gave me the name and at that time, I was wondering what I was supposed to do with it. I had no idea what it would come to mean to me in just a few months’ time into fruition. My biggest question was; how do I share my story and my voice and hold on to my comfort zone. Am I ready to share my views and opinions about faith, success, relationships, without knowing if people would accept me or embrace it? God advised that I t was time to step out of my shell and trust in him as things started to unfold, my journey was only to Imact1. This could be women, young girls, boys and men if they want to know the impact of their actions. I know that seems vague, but I believe if we were all to open up about the things that bring us joy and pain then people may have a better understanding of their actions. After considering the best way to do that, I knew I would have to open up and communicate more with my peers. It did not come without doubt and wonder. I know many people that have been successful in what they started and every now and then, you still see or hear that tinge of doubt or unsureness. Everyone won’t realize why, agree, or support; so you will have to step above that and know that if God said it is to be, no man can change that. The countless messages I have received from people that have taken their time to read what I am investing in and their opinions has been very helpful. It confirmed for me that I have made the right choice. I do it for all my babies (nieces and nephews) out there. One day they will have an opinion of who I am, who I became, and what I did with my life. I’ve struggled with the idea of writing a book, as that comes without the bells and whistles. However, it comes with an undeniable truth that if I can make it and have faith, so can anyone else!!!!!

A reminder to all

I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years and this person just happened to share their story with me. They were so bold, candid, and forthcoming and with a story that many of us would only view or have nightmares of in a movie. I did wonder how they could be so bold, so confident, so willing to share. They shared with me because, God changed them. They have been more open about sharing what makes them who they are today because it will help someone else. As thankful as I was for this person just wanting to share what happened in their life, they hadn’t seen me in years. They weren’t worried about me judging them; they just were good with where they were. I could only appreciate and respect their honesty. It reminded me that we can learn so much from just being willing to share where we have fallen. I didn’t pass judgement, but rather found myself aww struck as it has been years since I have ran into someone so transparent.

My heart, soul, and spirit light up when I write. I have made some of the earlier topics lighter due to me wanting to give people a chance to get to know me and who I am. I am learning how to share my struggle through my words. I assure you there will be ups and downs along the way. However, he will equip you. Don’t focus on what people seem to support or don’t. Focus on writing or sharing your journey by letting God place your circle around you as needed. I have been so blessed to have support from people that I did not know very well prior. I am not here to say it will be easy. You will have times that people will not support and they may even hurt your feelings along the way. I am here to remind you to keep dusting yourself off and focus on the unending desire that you can’t ignore. You have to believe in yourself first beyond measure (this will come with time).This will be hard at first, but know God did not put this in you to leave you alone. He will provide avenues you did not see coming to assist you. I have had an opportunity to be on online radio, have a commercial (still seems unreal to me), start t-shirts, opening up about myself and my news. I promise you it will be a feeling like no other…. NO EXCUSES…work on that dream and make it a reality.

In my latest training class I had to share two truths and one lie as we are trying to all get to know one another. I used me being a blogger to see if anyone would think that was the lie. One guy, I hadn’t even met said he knew the blogger was true. This was our first day together in the class and this occurred about half way through the day. I share this to say that you never know what people see in you. I was in shock as he went on to explain that I was articulate and professional so he didn’t see it being far-fetched. I didn’t share this to pat myself on the back, but to share that you never know what other people see and will use to form an opinion.

I believe my greatest moments are ahead of me. I hope you will continue to join me on my journey and into the next step of writing my book. I am a blogger now, a corporate employee continuing to progress in my career, a family girl, a woman with more hopes and dreams. I am the same as the next person out there that put action behind their heart. My baby is now a blog. I live and breathe it. As I see the transition from barley speaking on it to wanting to wear my shirts everywhere and speak of the blog, it truly becomes your reason why. Feel free to follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Feel free to leave a message on the website to share how you feel about the content or if there is an area you would like to hear about.

16 Jun

June 16, 2015June 16, 2015K Joi Family One Comment

The Pieces of Me

This is more of insight into me. I hope you learn something new and find yourself with a better understanding of who I am, what I stand for, and my purpose. Along the way, if you gain something that makes you think twice, I have done what I set out to do.

The Daughter

As a daughter, we strive to be what will appease your parents. I recall a time when that was so big for me. As I have grown and matured, I realized my purpose in life was not to fill dreams that my mother had. I can make her just as proud by just being me. Most of us seek that acceptance from our parents. I reached an odd middle ground at an early age of learning to debate and wanting to understand my mom and father’s thought process. Let’s say that didn’t always go over well as it came off as me questioning them. I have always loved my parents and appreciated being blessed with two that put me first and gave unconditional love. I look forward to the day that I can shower my mom as my dad is deceased with anything she wants. A child that grew up outside of anyone’s shadow and aiming to prove my own. I was an introvert for years and many times still am today. I believe in making time to spend with my parents and will push the envelope by having those hard conversations when my mom steps out of line.

The Christian

I recall the stories my grandmother used to tell me as I got older. She used to tell me how I would pray for the sick as a young child and cry about the death of Jesus. I had dreams and nightmares for as long as I can remember. She told me to start writing them down as there may be more to them. I think back to the church we attended during my most crucial years of my life. It was a family affair and a church where women didn’t really wear pants. The sermon was way above my head and I can’t say I took a lot a way. However, as I have grown and accepted my relationship with Christ, I have learned so much about myself. I have had so many battles between visions, relationships, death in the family and at times wasn’t sure how to get back to some sense of normalcy. I was introduced to a church by a friend that opened my eyes to so much. I attended regularly and began to start really understanding and having that passion to grow. I am the first to admit I sin and my sin is not different than anyone else’s. I am guilty of not attending church as much as I should or pray as much as I should. It is truly a process and at times a battle daily. I have had times in my life feeling like the devil just won’t let go and in times of weakness I played right into his game. It can be hard to walk off that path you believe you are content. I had to really take a look in the mirror and what was in my heart as that is the one thing outside of God’s word that keeps me grounded. Thank God, God knows my heart.

The Friend

Loyalty, Honesty, Integrity, and a bond not easily broken.
I am one that believes in friendships. I have had some friends since I was 11 years old and only gained from there. It is such a blessing to know what friendships that become sisterhoods are like. I have learned so much from these ladies and hope that I have brought some light to their life as well. As we have grown together and circles turn, I have tried to gain as much as I can from the experience. I have never been the friend looking for what I can gain or benefit from it. It is about the bond that can be formed. What can we learn and motivate one another through? I used to battle on how to be there through it all. You learn real quick what friendship means to you and who has your best interest at heart. No we don’t have to talk every day, every week, or hang once a month. We don’t tend to hold things from one another that would make or break the friendship. I will support those friends of mine until the day I take my last breath. I don’t make a difference in how I treat my female and male friends. I don’t use the term loosely nor do I take it loosely. When I use it, it may come with some minor expectations of mutual respect and knowing how to communicate. I grew up with some pretty great guys as well. We don’t talk all the time either but true to form like back in the day, I feel like I could call on some of them for anything. Some of um know be just as good as I know me. As the circles grow, I am always enlightened by the blessing of friendships and passion to support that comes with them. I thank you all for being a part and allowing me to be apart of your lives.

The Girlfriend

#loyal #support #respect
As a girlfriend I am loyal, supportive, and will be respectful. I can be the number one fan and also keep it real with you. I believe in a relationship looking to go to a lifetime partnership and marriage can be different if the foundation isn’t built with getting to know one another. I am one that likes to have discussion on current trending topics, learn things I may not know, and open to see where I can grow. I have matured in the way of learning and wanting to be lead versus leading. I have had a very strong independent pull for most of my life even in serious relationships. I can admit I have learned so much from my serious relationships. I think back to my first serious relationship and I learned real quickly the boundaries of guy friends and how to respect my relationship first. I believe along the way I have learned to have better conversations versus talking at someone which I was guilty of years ago. I am the type that will celebrate your promotions, goal completed moments, and anything else that is important to you. I believe if at some point we see a future together, getting to know one another’s family is important. I learned in my second serious relationship to watch what I said to who about my relationship and the details. I think most importantly through it all, I have learned the difference between what I need and want. All my wants don’t need to be met and all my needs may not… but once the one God has for me, finds me. I may have a better understanding of the 80/20 rule as I have become clearer on that as well.

An Aunt

One of the best titles of them all. I think most people think I am over exaggerating when I say that. I didn’t blog about it taking a village for no reason. I know the influence my family had on my upbringing. I will admit that the first time I saw these kiddos my heart was theirs from the start. I dreamed of what my niece would look like before she was born. My first nephew, I would just hold and talk to when I would keep him when he was little. I secretly loved the moments that one of them got sick and I was asked to watch them. Not because I wanted them to be sick, but because I don’t believe being an aunt only lends me to the fun and easy times. As they get older, I want to be able to have conversations with substance with them. So one day many years from now, they will look back and think that we could talk to TeTe about anything. We didn’t have to censor it to her feelings because we knew she would love us anyway. I do make it a point to remind them that I will love them no matter what happens and how things change in life. I believe it is important for children to know unconditional love from more than just their parents. I want and enjoy going to see their games, programs, listen to them talk about test, homework, and their friends. It makes my heart smile. Even more so when they discuss their friends. It is just something about when I can do for them or surprise them that lights my heart up. I love to hear their laughter and man do they give the best hugs.

The Blogger

It all started from a dream of wanting to help others. After losing my father, I prayed and decided it was time to pursue my passion. I always had a drive and pulling force when it came to helping others. I have been a long time believer in supporting others and their endeavors. My passion is fueled by wanting to make sure the little ones in my life understand; life is going to happen and as we learn and grow from those avenues, we build our character. In the midst of trying to see through the storm of grief was born the clarity of sharing my voice.
My background and foundation stem heavily from strong family values. At a young age the family celebrated all occasion’s together, discussed politics, race, and education. My debate background opened my naïve eyes and equipped me with the ability to be able to see both sides of many situations or at least be respectful in understanding the other parties reasoning. A former debater in high school and continued to give back by judging state and regional qualifying tournaments. As a former debater, it helped me learn how to form ideas with reasoning behind them and become more comfortable with communication. Commination is another area I feel so many are lacking in, but can grow from it if willing to learn and be flexible.
I started a homegrown blog named Roots to the Soul for the purpose of discussing different topics and attempting to bring awareness and openness. I am the youngest out of my siblings and a first generation college graduate and have seen what the lack of communication and being closed can result in. I have broadened the scope of sharing my voice by blogging about events, online radio shows, and current mainstream topics. In my spare time I spend time with family, work on my future book, and catch up on reading and movies.

If you enjoyed reading this and would like to hear more about my struggles and how I have made it… Check out The Day Texas Changed, The Power of Strongholds, and Learning to Forgive

09 Jun

June 9, 2015June 9, 2015K Joi Family, Trending Issues No Comments

Power vs Empire

If you enjoy a show with powerful men, action, unexpected twist and being left on the edge of your seat with cliffhangers then these shows fit that criteria. Oddly enough, I know most people I hear speak of one, watches both versus one or the other. The craz is on about these two shows. Similar but different and relatable to probably almost anyone. The shows are taking ratings by storm and I would say are probably one another’s largest competition.

Power has a story line of a man that is married to a women that met him while he was young and working on coming up. The main cast consist of Omari Hardwick, the husband; Naturi Naughton, the wife; Joe Sikora, the childhood best friend of Omari; Lela Loren, the childhood love; Curtis “50 cents” Jackson, one of the producers and a partner in crime in the drug game. He was and is a drug dealer and she was by his side every step of the way. As he moved up the chain in the drug game he realized he needed to mask the money he was making through legit means. As he grows as a husband and a man he gets to a point where he wants to get out of the drug game to be able to live a life where he can provide a safe environment for his family and enjoy life without those dangers. He finds himself going in a direction that his wife is not likely to follow. She wanted him to be the largest drug dealer in the game in their area. His best friend happens to be one that also doesn’t welcome the growth of this husband and father and attempts to keep him deeply tied to the street life. Omari and his wife reach a point of disagreement as she doesn’t welcome his change of heart. In the interim he runs into a women he loved dearly when he was younger and ends up cheating on his wife with her. All of these things make some great correlations of him reflecting in the mirror from the man he was and the man he was becoming with the challenges that come along with his lifestyle. The struggle of a man wanting to live a different life and his wife not being so supportive even when she finds out about the mistress.

TV STILL -- DO NOT PURGE -- EMPIRE: (L-R): Trai Byers as Andre Lyon, Taraji Henson as Cookie Lyon, Terrence Howard as Lucious Lyon, Jussie Smollett as Jamal Lyon and Trai Byers as Andre Lyon. ©2014 Fox Broadcasting Co. CR: Michael Lavine/FOX — TV STILL — DO NOT PURGE — EMPIRE: (L-R): Trai Byers as Andre Lyon, Taraji Henson as Cookie Lyon, Terrence Howard as Lucious Lyon, Jussie Smollett as Jamal Lyon and Trai Byers as Andre Lyon. ©2014 Fox Broadcasting Co. CR: Michael Lavine/FOX

Empire happens to have a similar background in the way of the building of this families empire starts with drug money. The cast consist of Terrance Howard, the father; Taraji P. Henson, the wife; Trai Byers-the oldest son; Jussie Smollett, the middle son; and Bryshere Y. Gray, the youngest son. A young couple are in the drug game and have 3 boys when the wife is busted and takes a 17 year rap for their dealings. As her husband moves on during those years and building a music icon in a business after the family name and raising their sons; she is left as a memory. Once she gets out, her husband played by Terrance Howard, has moved on to someone else and isn’t so welcoming in her return or placing her in the business. This show reminds most of us of the extension of the movie Hustle and Flow where the two main stars continue in this show. The family is no longer involved in illegal activities as now the concern is taking a business public on the stock market, one son who has a mental illness that is not addressed, one homosexual son which the father does not know how to accept, and the woos that come with running at that top of the game in the music world.

The shows both focus on family men who happen to be black men. They are both very driven and focus on the providing for their families. One man that battles with his reflection in the mirror of who he was and who he is striving to become. Another father who is visited by his past memories of dropping one son in a trash can and the times when he made music on the side of his hustler life. They are both have women by their side that were down for that life and could be said to be ride or die chicks. However, as one starts to grow in a different direction the relationship on Power is challenged. The marriage between the couple on Empire falls apart as his wife is in prison for almost 20 years. I believe both could easily take a toll on a marriage or a long term relationship. I believe we have to stop and evaluate why we are with this person. Are we willing and wanting to make this work or do we run due to being stagnant and resistant to change. When one of us grow, change can be scary for some and others worry about the change in lifestyle. I guess in my mind, to have my man safe and out of harms way with a life that we no longer have to look over our backs or wonder if our kids will be ok would be enough to help me want to make that jump. You see in Power the wife is very resistant to this change. You have wonder if it is all based on the money and the life. Their marriage takes a hit as her husband cheats on her with someone he loved dearly before he met her. It seems to still not fully get her attention straight on the family being priority, but still aiming to get him to be one of the largest dealers in the game on their coast as she references. I think so many of the issues between the husband and wife teams are things we hear of most of the time. Listen to what your other half is sharing, don’t just hear it, but process it.

As the shows continue to dig their hooks into us, we learn of the family troubles on Empire. A husband left to raise his kids while his wife did time. One son with a mental illness, that is never properly dealt with until the son is in college. I do feel that most black families are not quick to jump on the bandwagon of a diagnosis like this without being resistant. However, in the long run this can only hurt the child at hand as they are neglected treatment until much later. The middle son played by Jussie is gay. This father has no clue how to take all this in. He does what he feels is the best he can by raising and providing for them. However, this father thought he was doing the best he could. He attempted to fix his son that would walk in women shoes on occasion by attempting to rid his son of this “condition”. Terrance is not able to rebuild or work on these relationships until his wife gets out of prison and adds some nurturing to the mix.

Although they are both entertaining and some feel it is just a continuation to depict the black community negatively, their ratings are off the charts. I believe as adults that make the choice to have children, planned or unplanned have to think about the environment we bring them into. No parenting method is perfect, but we have to find a balance between raising them and getting them ready for society while being sensitive to what comes with our bundles of joys. The ultimate concern should be welfare of the child and teaching them to be open, loving, understanding, planting values, and morals. I think as parents or parts of the family we get so caught up in what we are not comfortable with or are posed with situations we are not familiar with and therefore we don’t address it. This doesn’t fix the issue or search for an amicable way to handle it!!! It makes it a stupor later versus now.

The shows offer some great strong points to focus on, like family, providing, and how to handle some of the more stressful things in life. Let your partner be just that. They are a spouse and someone to assist, grow, and learn with you. Don’t make it a roommate situation by not being respectful of where they are going in life (of course I am not speaking of things like gender changes, those bring different dynamics to be addressed). As times move forward discuss goals, best way to raise your children, and carry over the open communication with your children. If they are confronted with tough times and what to do next, you would much rather they come to you versus feeling they can only speak with a friend that could happen to be a hormonal teenager who doesn’t think clearly and is more than likely lacking maturity. Don’t try and force your kids in the direction to live a life you chose not to. Let them enjoy their individuality and if that is hard for you as a parent, open that communication door and be open to learn how they feel.

02 Jun

June 2, 2015June 2, 2015K Joi Relationships 2 Comments

Love and Respect

[soliloquy id=”undefined”]Love is an empty word without respect.
-Nora Roberts

I felt drawn to write on this due to there being a lot of people that seem to be suffering for the misdirection of how important these are. Of course I am speaking of people that are in relationships or a marriage for the right reasons, not for a business transaction, or just for name sake. I know this can be different for all people, however everyone wants to be loved. I don’t know anyone that can deny that. Respect comes into play as for many people with the respect lacking, the feel of love is lacking as well.
I have to say that most of it goes back to learning to communicate and being transparent with your mate. If you love someone with everything in you, are you willing to take the roller coaster ride called life with them? So it applies to relationships and marriage as many are dating to find a mate. Are you discussing what makes your feel respected or lack thereof? You need to understand what makes your tick, what hits a nerve, and what will make you feel disrespected. I say that as although you may find a mate that seems to fit the form you are looking for, those questions will or I would think would come up at some point. We can’t expect someone else to know everything about us. As we learn and grow together, yes there are behaviors and things they will pick up on. Reading minds will more than likely not be one of them and is more than anyone should expect. As we know what works for some doesn’t work for others, so take the time to learn one another and understand the other party.

Love can be shown in so many different formats. As you are dating be open to learn how that person shows love. Everyone won’t do it the same way. Saying they love you, gifts, offering to assist in a time of need is not the same way everyone will show love. You must also take time to know how you show and display love. My advice would also be not to use the word too loosely and know what you mean when you say it. Don’t get drawn in because the other party says it first or starts to show displays of how your show your love. Communicate, Communicate, And Communicate. The reason being is without this one factor, many times love can be misconstrued just as easily as a text message sent with an assumed tone. We know how easily those are misread. One other thing maybe to know once you start sharing that you love this person, be ready to answer why. People are not being funny when asking this, but some may not see the person as you do or may just wonder how you equate knowing you are in love or have love for someone. I will say one sure sign for me that I realized over the years is that if I am willing to do his feet, massage, clip toe nails, etc then I definitely have a special place for him in my heart. Not sure why, but I just don’t believe in just touching everyone’s feet or handling them. I know this is minute to some, but I know for me this is a big thing for me.

Respect… earned or learned?? All varies on the person. You learn just like in friendships what makes them feel respected or disrespected. I think it should go without saying that you should know what can or can’t be done for your partner to battle with feeling respected or disrespected. To me, this is one more thing that all people want in just everyday life. In a lifetime partnership, how do you what will make them feel disrespected if you don’t ask? This is something that I would think would be discussed before making it down the aisle, but if for some reason it is not… I would make it a point to discuss. You are not always going to have the same upbringing, values, or views on things. I can’t imaging most people not knowing what makes them feel disrespected so this should be an easy conversation to have. Although, if they don’t still push through what maybe a struggle of a conversation as it is good for both parties to know. If you have a night with your girls and make it home near midnight without calling to say I am going to be out late, he may view that as being disrespectful. How will you know without simply asking? I know that it sounds silly, but as you hear so much that goes on in relationships, you realize some of those concerns could be easily turned around by knowing what makes the other one feel respected.

I by no means want to come off as a relationship counselor. I am currently single, never been married and I know for some that will disqualify my opinions I am sharing. However, I’ve had my share of relationships and have gone through the process with them of learning these things and seen firsthand what it has done to others. I am not married today as I don’t believe in starting a marriage with a lack of loyalty, love, and respect. If I have to question those things going in, why start it then… take the time to work through those issues so you are not walking in wondering if you can make the year mark. We all know things can come up in a relationship or a marriage that can strain it, but you want to start off on a good note of starting your life together and continue to work on things. I have heard people say they don’t want to have these “hard” conversations and I just wonder what type of relationship they are searching for. Find what works for you and yours and know yourself well enough to know what you need and want. I ask you not to enter into something serious without understanding these two crucial things for yourself as it is hard to communicate it another party if you don’t know yourself.

If you enjoyed this blog, feel free to read 3 Core Values in a relationship under the relationship category.