Full House
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Single fathers raising children and as I researched and located the song below
Kid Rock shares the lyrics of Single Father:
Latley ive been spendin lots of time with my kid
Tellin him stories
About the things that we did
When we were a family
Long time ago
Ive answerd his questions
Till im blue in the face
Wish all that hurt in him
I could erase
But i tell him the truth
Cause he aint to young to know
Today I want to take the time to discuss this side of the story of two men raising their children. In today’s society, we are so quick to put down our men for not taking care of their children. I would say I minimally hear of the praising of or for men that are supporting their children versus when it is a women. I think a men and women deserve equal prays for taking care of a child they equally created. I am not speaking of unforeseen situations like rape, molestation, etc. I am speaking of between two consenting parties that knew the possible result of enjoying the pleasure of creating the little bundle of joy. Please only continue reading if you are open to hearing these men share their perspective candidly. I started with asking these gentlemen a few questions to give me a snippet into their lives. One in particular shared so much… I believe I saw his life play by play.
Loving Father817 -34, in the DFW area, and does window auto glass repair
I ran across this young man while handling some business with my car being serviced. He was helpful, full of smiles, and in sharing a little about himself shared that he is a single father. I thought how odd, I have been planning to write on this perspective. I had to ask if he would be willing to share a little about being a single father with me at some point as I would love to hear his story.
This young man is truly motivational. His background, decisions, making the choice to put his daughter first…is just the beginning for him. At a young age he was faced with learning how to cope with a broken family. His mother and father divorced while he was a preteen. The parents decided it was best for the sons to live full time with his father and the girls to stay with their mother full time. At some point his father remarried, but his new step mom wasn’t exactly what a child would dream of. While dealing with the changes that comes with divorced parents and gaining a step parent, his life was quickly whisked into a whirlwind. The loving home he once knew with his biological parents was no longer available. He was now in a home where he was mentally and emotionally abused. His father never came to his rescue and he soon decided to take his life into his own hands after being in and out of foster homes but being sent back to the home. Lovingfather817 ran away from home at the age of 11. A child, now alone and turning to the streets was only looking for survival. As time moved on, he found himself in trouble, time and time again as survival comes at a cost when the streets are now your family. One last brush with the law left him thinking of how to turn his life around.
He met one women and became involved. She had two daughters from previous relationships. As their relationship got more serious the young lady became pregnant with his son. She questioned if she would keep the baby and wanted confirmation that he would be there. She had experienced men walking out on her and her prior children and still carried that fear. He assured her no matter what occurred he would be there for his son. One day came that she disappeared with his son and her daughters and he was unable to locate them. One more thing for this young man to carry on his shoulders while attempting to make it.
As time moved forward and he longed for a complete family, he met a young lady that he felt he would live the rest of his life with. Him and this young lady were married and later had a child. His void of having a complete family was starting to be filled. Still longing for the one son he had still been unable to locate, they decided to start a family as well. Eventually the two of them had a daughter and although he was candid that things got rough at times, he took pride in providing and being there for his family. He hoped to create an environment full of love for his wife and daughter. It was a goal of his for his daughter to not experience the impact of a “broken home” Later to only find out his wife was cheating on him with someone that they were both close to. She eventually left him for this other party. He decided at that point of realizing she was not willing work things out, that he wanted to make sure he was an active part of his daughter’s life.
This loving father focused on the best way to make a living and provide for his daughter. He met a man on the street who allowed him to help with small jobs and it helped him getting by with a place to stay off and on as he lost everything once his wife made the decision to leave. He was newly motivated to make sure he would be a part of his daughter’s life. Along the way he met a few people that became family. He gained a support system and people willing to assist in a way he had not had or seen before. He was able to get on his feet and sit and have some adult conversations with his ex-wife. She is in a demanding field and he wanted her to know that he was willing to keep their daughter whenever possible. He said they discussed things and as he started to get on his feet on his own, he has his daughter 98% of the time. Since his ex-wife is in another relationship, they even discussed how discipline would be handled, visitation, etc.
He said it wasn’t hard to shift his focus, because she is the most important thing to him. God and faith has gotten him through, but he never wants his daughter to feel as he did coming up. He said things are tight sometimes, but the most important thing is to be able set a foundation for his daughter and provide. I could hear the smile as he discussed how much they enjoy arts, crafts, the park, etc together. As things have continued to look up for him since last August, he is just thankful. He has no fears as a single dad, he just approaches situations that come up, head on. He feels he has “appreciation for things many people don’t” due to his background and upbringing.
He admits he had to find balance and keep his faith intact. He has learned a lot while becoming a single parent and he puts his daughter first. He said he does get complements from people as they hear about him discussing his relationship with his daughter. He did note, that he has a deeper appreciation for single moms, now knowing what it is like to raise your child on your own.
Andy Brown – 40, in the DFW area, author/life coach/Creator of The Online Happy Hour
He is a father, life coach, host, and a writer. He is one of the hardest working men that I have run across in a long time. He takes pride in being an involved father and writing about things that will reach out and help others. He doesn’t try to hide behind the simple topics to discuss and believes in giving back to his community. He is Andy Brown and known by many as AB. He is a Kansas City, MO native and a graduate from Grambling State University.
He became as single parent raising his son in August of 2014, his son made the choice to come live with him versus his mother. He feels being a single father meant being responsible for his responsibility which was now to raise a man as he has been taught and more. When discussing if he had any major adjustments in his life once becoming a single father, he said there wasn’t much. He just made more time available for time and space to allow him and his son to learn more about one another. Andy advised the greatest challenges and moments this transition has brought was recognizing he would need to give his son his time as they are still learning and growing together and making, having, finding time to date. Andy did share that he did adjust his music and the character of people he had around once his son came to live with him. While discussing if being a single father has brought on any additional stereotypes or stigmas, he noted that the one thing he has noticed is the police and their lack of value for the Black men have become more and more eye opening. He also advised the young teen dress style and fashion is one of those things as well.
Neither father has experienced any discrimination from women for stepping up and being full time dads. Most women have tended to be more complimentary of it, if anything. I believe both are single ladies…don’t quote me on this. LOL. Let’s make sure we are giving praise where it is due when we see, meet, and engage in conversation with these type of men. We all know every man is not willing, no matter the situation.
I would like to just say thank you to these men for opening up and sharing a piece of themselves. I can appreciate someone sharing what motivates them, what curve balls have come in life, and how they adapted. You men are inspiration to the next man that may find themselves in this family dynamic and may not be sure if they can bare the weight of it make it through the struggle. Keep in mind just like Will Smith who played, Chris Gardner,in The Pursuit of Happiness. It will be a change, your life may go to a place you do or don’t expect; but be the man you were designed to be and watch the blue print unfold.
If you enjoyed this blog and may be one that does not have their father or know someone missing their father or considering walking out on their children. Feel free to direct them to the blog Imprint of an Absent Father.