Give up

I can’t imagine one person who doesn’t have to self-evaluate every now and then. One of my besties, Shava sent this to me the other night and advised she thought it would make a great blog. As I looked at the picture that came with it and read each item… I was like this has been me at one point or another. You could see the little cloud come out of my head saying I can attest to them all.

I’ll discuss some more in detail but more than others and hope you find you can identify with these. I have found ways to give them up as well. As I reread it, I can think of so many others I know that have battled with these same things through their daily life. I reached a point in my life wondering why I felt a void and trying to seek what was missing. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a lack of spiritual fulfillment and emptiness from neglecting me. A girl that rarely lost her smile, always happy, suffered or had to find a way to get past these things listed. I was never the most popular kid, but not the least popular either. I was friends with most and spoke with everyone. I was one that could empathize with any situation. Many times I found myself taking on the stress of many others battles. I can’t explain it; my heart just tends to yearn to help others. It can be a great characteristic but also a hell of a weakness.

I’m going to say that my top 3 were fear of failure, doubting myself, and people pleasing. However, when I reread it… I struggled with them all and can still feel the heat of some of them today. As I picked up weight over the last decade I begun to critize myself more, limit what I would wear, and participate in less which led to me doubting myself more than I ever had as well as negative thinking and increase fear of failure.

I think the last few things that come to me most when thinking about these 7 things are the latest two battles. I was diagnosed with eczema last year. I found out after trying a new deodorant and different laundry detergent. So the ask a nurse line told me to go back to what I was using before and if in 2 weeks it had not cleared up to see a doctor and apply topical Benadryl. A few months later I was under ton of stress with apartment stress, work stress, and life. My hands broke out again. I went to the doctor and in one glance she said you have eczema. She gave me some cream advised it was probably so extreme due to stress. Let me tell you, I wanted to freak out. At 33 freakin years old and I had to change my soaps, lotions, how I handle stress. What the heck. I was so embarrassed of my hands. I can say though that it has helped me learn how to manage my stress differently.


In addition to that, I am now 34 not married and no kids. I generally do ok with this. However, recently as life continues to change it has just hit me hard at times. I have questioned what I am doing wrong. Am I coming off as approachable? Why, When, everything under the sun. I tell you folks, for the most part. I do ok with being single and it maybe because I haven’t run across a lot of people I could see a relationship with recently. However, at times it can make you doubt yourself and how you do things. So as that came and when and working on transitioning my website, working on the book, merchandise, and looking into a scholarship fund. So many of these same 7 things come back around time and time again.

I don’t know if some of us truly understand how much our mental, physical, and soul are intertwined and play a part together. I don’t truly believe that we only attract what we put out there. I have attracted people that were complete opposites and that were maybe drawn to something in me that they lacked in their own lives.

I do believe how our mental operates can gear how things are handled at any level. It will impact your spirituality, relationships, and work ethic. We will all battle with these things from time to time, but if you find them to be on all different levels it maybe something to look deeper into and take a few steps to move past them. I can tell you from experience; it will not happen overnight, the next day deciding to give up these things will be a process. If I personally had to label these based on how I feel they fall…Negative Thinking, which will lead to fear of failure, which will increase you critizing yourself, which will lead to you putting off projects and things that need to be done and due to you being unsure of yourself. You may fall into people pleasing or saying yes to thinks when you should have said no.

At any rate or no matter how you categorize these you can take some steps to find your way out. I am not a doctor, a life coach, or have any certificate… but I have lived a life with many different cuts and angles. So this is strictly a recommendation from my noggin. I can say I have done these and they worked well for me.


1) Take a deep breath and look in the mirror and let go of whatever binds you.

2)While in the mirror repeat out loud the best parts that make you who you are

3)Start slowly to get away from worrying so much about what people think of you or your decisions

4)Ease the fear of failure and procrastination by making small task and to do list to organize where you are going and what you are trying to accomplish

5)Focus on giving you some you time and loving and pampering yourself


If you enjoy reading self-encouraging blogs, feel free to check out Pamper Yourself, Learning to Forgive, Future Planning, and Can I Accept Me.



2 Replies to “Things to Give Up”

  1. Wow! The list of 7 Things To Give Up….I feel like my name should have been on the bottom. That’s me. There are a few areas I have gotten better in but I am definitely a work in progress. The recommendations you listed are so helpful. Sometimes we do need to be reminded of the simple things we can do to relax or restart or recharge. Change starts within. Great blog K Joi.

  2. rhonda hardy 9 years ago

    Take a bath first, if unable to at the time, wash your face as step 1…before looking yourself in the mirror. It cleanses your thoughts, mind, and is a soul relaxer. for women who wear make up it is an unveiling and for those who don’t it is a clear relection of who you really are. Drink a glass of water, sometimes being dehydrated will cause all kinds of things to go in your body that come out as physical transfered to mental. my unsolicited advice!

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