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Weeks ago I wrote about the Imprint of an Absent Father and soon will write about the concerns of a Vacant Mother. I don’t have children, but this will be from the perception of being on the outside looking in. I was and am very involved with the raising of my niece as her mom and I lived together the first few years of her life and we have remained close. I have nephews that I don’t get to see as much, but definitely think about anytime I am with them how I am behaving, talking, and others I might have them around. The one thing that comes to mind is the learning and growing of these children is that it does truly take more than mom, dad, grandparents to raise children; I by no means am taking away from those that only have one parent or no living grandparent. It by no means means those children come to less well rounded. Let’s address it from the positive reinforcement that it can bring. I give props to all parents, no matter the situation. It is not a title to be taken lightly and from many I have been it are the best title they will ever carry and the one they are the proudest of.

I was fortunate in the way that I had two parents fully engaged in my upbringing with hearts full of love and monetary support. My parents were both hard workers and my family was very involved, My grandmother and grandfather were a large part of my upbringing We used to gather as a family for birthdays, holidays, graduations, and anything in between that was important to someone else. My aunts have always been down and held their title at the highest level. I was lucky enough to have aunts that made sure they stayed in contact, picked me up from school, had me at times during the summer, and never missed anything major in my life. A grandfather that would cut out articles from the newspaper (yep back in those days people still read the actual morning newspaper) and save them for me to read about a field I wanted to go into. I am and have been truly blessed to have each and every one of these people in my life. My mom was able to work overtime if needed and my dad worked odd hours due to each party in my family that played their part. I don’t mean with attitudes or looking to make a profit from it, but rather just being glad to get extra time with their niece or granddaughter.

I was able to focus on growing up without concerns about food, cloths, and having to work to assist my family. My job was to make good grades and be the best I could be in all activities I was involved in. I was in drill team, a newspaper writer, peer mediation, Student Counselor officer, and a debtor. My other activities were just as important to my parents as they were to me, but enough about me…let’s dive in real quick.

I know so many people that have a great team of people to assist and some vice versa. I’ve always wondered why that was if the parent is attempting to do something positive or just needs a breather. Now days you have grandmothers that don’t want to be called grandmothers. Grandmothers that would rather be in the club, with other people or just not willing to help with their kids kids. I am not speaking of raising your grandchildren fulltime, although all the things you do with and around them do mold them as well. I guess I have always wondered why and how that works if your child is trying to better themselves or provided stability for their family, why aren’t others willing to help.

Single parent or not all parents need family or other people to assist with the raising of the kids. Not just necessarily monetarily always but to help with school pickups, drop offs, extracurricular pickups and drop offs or watching the kids on date night or for the parents to enjoy their hobbies. So many people are out there without family and need others they can call on as well. The kids get an avenue out as well. They enjoy getting to see their family and friends. If you don’t think it matters, it does. I have heard three year olds ask where their family is. I have heard preteens asking why their other grandmother doesn’t call or pick them up… And people think kids won’t notice or figure out the ones that want to be involved. When I am with the little ones (even though some of them are taller than me now J) I take time to talk with them even if it is about boy bands, that I don’t see talent in; it is just about the time. It also just about learning and knowing their interest and what goes on at schools, conversations between them and their friends, and you can learn a lot about what is going on with them by just listening. I know it can be easy to drown them out as they can be little chatter boxes, but it is good to stay actively listening.

Children need love, stability, and guidelines. The best way to do that in my opinion is to provide an area with them knowing prayerfully who God is and who they can trust. Just as it is not only the responsibility of a teacher to teach our kids what they need to know academically and to live responsibly, it is just not on parents either. So the weight of this falls back to all parties involved. If you know your sibling, friends, etc are mistreating their kids, neglecting them, or even just aren’t stable themselves. It is ok to ask questions and offer assistance where you can. You have to find your comfort level in stepping in which will cause many people to instantly become defensive. So be aware and ready if you decide to comment on their parenting style.

So to all my parents out there, I bow to you!!!! I know it isn’t always easy, but know many of us out there hope to be as good of parents as you guys are one day. You were chosen to be in charge of one of God’s greatest creations.

So to my Mom, Dad, Mommu, Daddo, Monica Teague, Nicole Johnson, Delaneo Johnson, Monika Teague, Erica Ray, Candra & Dewayne Bryant, Nikki Boykin, Brandon Boykin, Counselor Web, Shava Echols, LaToya Minor, Meriane Carter, Keon Smith, Mike and Megan Browden, Adrienne Gonzalez, Traci Champion, Andy Brown, MasterPiece, Desmond Patterson, ShaRhonda Caviness, Adrienne Whitman, Raine Daine, Aunt Dot, Shara S, Zandra Sumlin, Char Jeffers, June Bracy Brown, AC Cristales, Delanea Davis, Ramelle Santos, Brandi Mallard… thank you guys for not only taking parent duty seriously but to the aunts and uncles listed above that I know go way beyond their call of duty…. One day if the kids don’t already see it they will be thankful for you 🙂 Anyone I left off, please don’t be offended… These were just the first people to come to mind. I appreciate you all.

I have been one that has always loved the holidays. My maternal grandmother and I always did. It was the cooking, gathering of family, the memories created, and the movie watching. I loved every minute of it, from the hugs on the way in the door to the talks about life, and the aroma of Mommu’s place (this is what we called my maternal grandmother). My family has always been movie watchers. So after holiday eating came a few movies and lots and lots of conversation and laughter. The cooking traditions that have come together with some of us cooking together the night before or watching Claymation animation with my nephews and seeing their faces light up. Visiting with my Munchkin the night before Santa came to visit and to see her bright eyed and overly ecstatic as her mom used to be about the visit from Saint Nick. The holidays bring families together that haven’t seen each other as much as they would like, close the gap between ages, and leads to stories that now you can only laugh at. Oh, how the times have changed. My cousin, brother, and youngest aunt are now the ones spilling stories our parents knew nothing about. #priceless.

The holidays bring on so many things for so many people. As we enjoy the living parties of our families, we normally still have to reflect on the angels we have lost. However, in speaking of them the event still carries on without a damper or sadness, but rather moments to reflect on all they did and their character. I miss having these events at Mommu’s and Daddo’s (this is what we called my maternal grandfather) or even making sure I knew where my dad would be so I can come by or cook something he wanted to drop by with and spend time with him. We all have loved ones that are no longer with us. Keep in mind that it is ok to keep their memory alive during this time and share wonderful stories, photos, make a dish they loved, etc. I feel these things help us not to forget our past loved ones, but a way to include them in a joyful way.

This time of year brings on different things for so many people. Most are trying to figure out where to spend their time or how to split it amongst families, how to allocate funds, and deciding to travel or not travel. I personally have not ever had to figure out the traveling piece too often as my immediate family is in the Dallas, TX area. I haven’t had to figure out how to split time in years since my last serious relationship and we attended family holidays together. We tended to get lucky on some holidays as most his family lived out of state, but would come here normally every other year to celebrate. This helped us be able to split the day so we could be with both families on those years versus having to choose which family we would be with. However, for those of you that have… how do you decide? Do you do Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other? Do you travel every year or tend to be home and travel for other events?

As much as many of us love the holidays, the shopping factor can bring on some stress. The grocery stores are overly packed unless you can go during nonpeak times. If you are anything like me, in the middle of cooking or starting stuff, you realize you forgot a few items. I believe this year for Thanksgiving, I went to the store three times and I actually had a list in hand and still forgot stuff. SMH, I can be a little sidetracked at times. The grocery store is normally just the start as it is followed by big shopping days on the Friday and Monday after Thanksgiving. Man… I have had my share of Black Friday shopping woes. I was in high school when I experienced my first one. My mom sent me to the mall to pick up a Spanish speaking Furby for my cousin. As she really wanted this Furby and they were on high demand so my mom did not want them to run out. The better thing about that was because I didn’t have my car at the time, I had to get up and take her to work at like God knows what time and then head to another side of town to stand in a part of the mall, I didn’t even know existed. I recall looking and hearing all these adults that seemed so anxious, I was just sleepy. In my head I was thinking, I sure hope she loves this thing as I am losing sleep to pick it up. Lol. I love her like a sister so it was fine, but that early morning I was cold and a tad grumpy if I may add. As I got a little older my girls and I would get out in the madness for their kids and our nieces and nephews. I recall one night staying with two of my girls that lived together and going to Walmart. My first experience with that madness, it was surreal. People running through the store, still in pajamas, hair wrapped, slippers, people cussing at one another, us all going to different post to try and get stuff. For those of yall that know me, know I am non-confrontational for the most part and can be a little scary or uneasy in some situations. I was like these people are crazy, there was no way I was about to cuss, fight, or be a fool in a store over a toy or electronic. Now, that could be a different note with horrible customer service or someone attempting to cut in front of me in line. I wouldn’t just jump to acting like a fool, but politely correct or try first. My cousin and I went out a few years back to a Best Buy sale the night of Thanksgiving. I recall us getting there around 10 PM and bundled up. We saw people with tents that said they had been there for days. My thought… a few days, where do you use the restroom, shower, brush your teeth and what the hell is in here that is that much of a deal that you are spending days camping in front of this store. I may have just never have had that big of a need or want for anything that was on the list for Black Friday. I can say that all those wonderful experience make for great stories and laughs, but I haven’t really gotten involved in this in sometime. Do you find that those lines or hours of waiting are beneficial to your financial bottom line as most sales carry on and some are even better after Black Friday?

What’s your holiday dynamic? Traditions yearly or different every year? Do you and your family gather for holidays? Do you guys go out to eat or cook?