November 2014 – Roots To The Soul

25 Nov

November 25, 2014May 29, 2015K Joi Trending Issues 3 Comments

Across Color Lines

Today, we are jumping right in…
My heart goes out to all the people that suffered based on the no indictment and the families that continue to relive their situation every time a verdict comes down or a person is acquitted. It doesn’t matter the race, but it does matter when it appears to be a target on certain people’s back.

I am if nothing else a realistic person… wrong is wrong and right is right and some universal truths have to be in line for this. So therefore we have laws to abide by. This understandably has to be in place so all citizens are safe and we don’t go back to areas that history has taken us before.

We used to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in school:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Not so sure JUSTICE FOR ALL is always the case… so let’s take a look. My maternal grandmother used to discuss how the news used to discriminate. When a crime was committed you know if the person was black due to the photo being shared and all the information on that person. If the accuser was white, you knew because there was no photo but rather minimal details on the party and just information given on the crime. Hmmm…. My family is not racist, but we are very aware of the differences that have come our way based on the color of our skin. Don’t mistake this as some sympathy outcry… it is about awareness. Yes it happens vice versa as well, but since right now the issue at hand has been the amount of black boys being attached and no justice. I can say now the news and reporting stations have come a long way with this. Now you see photos and hear details many times no matter the person’s race. However, look at how long it took us to get there.

A person loses their life due to unjust cause, no matter their past, justice should be done. My issue with the way they handle things is when law enforcement is involved, they instantly jump to discrediting the party that was killed or injured. I can understand if this person has been a criminal and a nuisance to the city. However, many times that is not the case. The fact that a teenager stole something from a store is wrong and should be punished, but a killing is not justified. However, I know many people of different races that have committed petty crimes and have not been viewed as a threat. It is just supposed to be ok??

It is so much more than Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Michael Brown, and Melissa Alexander. All cases are similar, but with different elements. The sad things are these are to name a few names and there are so many others out there. Yet, when a drunk teen kills multiple people he gets off with probation due to him being privileged. WOW!!!! I know each case is different and I am one to see both sides as much as possible as I am a former debater. Last I checked, the law didn’t take into account the environment a person grew up in. I haven’t heard any black kids or minorities that grew up with privilege or in poverty handled different, maybe I am ill informed. If you still can’t see this, look to the parties in the public eye that have been caught doing similar crimes. Lindsey Lohan and Amanda Bynes have been out of control for some time. I don’t recall such harshness, but time and time again giving them more time to destruct or harm another party. Next thing you knew, they were in and out of rehab. How is it that one person gets so many chances more than another person when we discuss JUSTICE FOR ALL. I believe the only time I have heard background was to establish a person’s sanity. SO please correct me if I am wrong.

Take the target off of our backs America… They want us to be productive citizens, but you want to rule us by laws and harsher punishment when crimes are committed. The law is subject to interpretation but tends to be leaner on the side of parties that are not of color or minority background.

I am by no means discrediting how far this country has come. However, I do believe that so many people have blinders on when it comes to the situations. If a cop shoots, it was due to a threat. A cop is a cop, but is human. They have just as many biases, concerns; see stereotypes just as anyone else does. They are not above the law because they wear a shield. Does anyone think it is od that we are seeing so many cops act out in the last few years. You know why, because they are seeing their brother in blue get a pat on the back, administrative leave with pay, and move on after there is no punishment. IJS…

Let’s use our brain for it is for. You may not like the realization or what you will discover, but you will finally see.

Now let’s think about a plan of action. I don’t agree that violence is the answer. I do believe many people are turning to violence hoping that it will finally get their attention. The problem with the people turning to violence in your town and city is that you are destroying where you have to live and patronize every day. I understand the anger, but it has to be channeled a different way. I know it is frustrating to see the black or minority community slapped in the face, time after time. Ask yourself how your voice is best heard. Let’s keep in mind the best way to be effective in the community is by being sober and aware. The reporters mentioned while reporting about the Mike Brown case that there was weed in the air, folks this is not productive. These actually just aides in the people that feel that black people can’t conduct themselves in a manner to be effective resort to illegal drug use and destroying their own city. You have to become involved. I know so many people that won’t watch the news, follow politics, or educate themselves for their own reasons. If this you, you may not have much of a voice. We (all people) have to learn to educate ourselves, follow cases and large controversial stories to form your own opinion. Know that I would be this aggravated if this was a White, Asian, Indian, or other race or ethnicity of a child.

Share with me what you think of these continual situations and how we can all make things better?
If you don’t have an opinion after reading this, read The Connotation of Being Black and see if you have an opinion then.

18 Nov

November 18, 2014May 29, 2015K Joi Community/Events 4 Comments

F.L.O.W.

I recall a day in January that I fell in love with spoken word. I was at a spoken word event at Ten Eleven Grill for maybe the fifth time and I just found myself indulged in the content. I am not a poet, but loved the way the words spoke to me. These artists are able to connect to you in such a way through their talent. I would find myself in amazement in how the poetry came together and made a story. The poet’s content ranged from Christian poetry to erotic poetry.

MasterPiece

I recall seeing one poet, MasterPiece. She was always polite, stayed smiling, and never let the crowd down with her performances. She is a Dallas native and has had a love for poetry from a young age. This young lady is not only beautiful, but ambitious. She is a mom, a recognized poet, has her own fragrances, she has her poetry in book and cd format. She travels the world currently to perform. She is always dressed to kill in a sexy, but classy outfit with heels.

F.L.O.W

She has started her own event called F.L.O.W., which stands For Love of Words. She has put on this event successfully for over a year now and it brings out a diverse crowd. She not only performs but brings in feature poets from all over the world. The event runs from approximately 8 PM to 11 or midnight. The event is generally sponsored by Universal Purpose. She has a host or two that educate the crowd on the poets prior to their performance. DD Ingram, the host of Fishbowl Radio and Andy Brown, motivational speaker and host of the Online Happy Hour on dfwiradio.com, hosted the event this month. They were in suits, well spoken, and funny as well. They kept the energy going as well between performances. The best part about her shows is that no matter how many times I attend, I have never been disappointed in the talent. The talent ranges from poets, singers, mimes, comedians, dancers, etc. The event is one that most don’t want to miss. She puts on the event once a month and tickets are available online. It is a dress to impress event and tends to have a crowd of gorgeous women and handsome men. Her event offers raffles for free giveaways to the guest. She has a band onsite that plays during intermission, which allows the guest time to get up mix and mingle as well as have time to groove a little. I have spoken to many people during and after these events, I haven’t heard anyone let down to date. The crowd smiles, snaps, hollers REWIND (which is where the poet will repeat that line or verse), and stays very involved in the show. Every time I have been at this event, there are people that are there for the first time. I have only heard praises from the crowd and asking how to find out when and where she will be next or when the next F.L.O.W. will be. She has t-shirts available for purchase at the event and through the web.

The Venue

The event is held at Ten Eleven Grill at 1011 Corinth in Dallas. This location is easily accessed from people coming from all over the DFW area. This venue is a homegrown business ran by the Bryant’s, a wife and husband team. They have a wonderfully friendly staff, a menu that offers multiple options, a bar, valet parking, and an intimate place. Ten Eleven has housed this event for over a year and the event tends to pack the house outf. They have customers that tend to frequent this event throughout the year. They fix all food fresh to order and is flavorful. I personally am not a wing person but love the wings there. They have items from cheese fries, jumbo shrimp, fish combos, and turkey burgers. The food is reasonably priced and comes with plenty of food.

The Band

The band she brings in is named Enfuzion Band. They have a singer that has soul and power and a band that plays an array of music. The songs make you want to get up and move while pending the show to start back. The band is also friendly and mingles with the crowd between sets.

If you missed this event or have missed it, you will want to come out when you can. Her next event is December 20th at the venue listed above and tickets will be available for purchase soon.

You can follow MasterPiece on Facebook, Twitter, at masterpiecepoetry.com, and masterpiece25.bandcamp.com

11 Nov

November 11, 2014May 29, 2015K Joi Community/Events 2 Comments

Hats Off to the Ladies of HardCore Beauty

HardCore Beauty is made up of a team of two women that both offer something different to the team. Bridgette is a stay at home mom and came to Texas due to her husband’s job. She goes by eccentric beauty as she was always the different one in the crowd with a creative spirit and out of the box thinking. In 2010 she started a line of natural hair products and body products. She also manages the Pridgen and Scott agency. Khadijah is in the corporate world and goes by overlooked beauty. She grew up tall and shapely and felt that her beauty was not considered the norm in society and therefore overlooked. She cut her hair off 5 years ago to start her natural hair journey and saw firsthand how some people did not find the appreciation in her natural hair. Overlooked beauty decided to let her voice be heard through blogging about natural hair. The two met and realized they both had a passion to educate people and share their voice about universal love. They are reaching the masses through their show Hardcore Beauty on TMIradio.com on the 2nd and 4th Saturdays at 2 PM. The show focuses on love for hair, fashion, jobs, health, etc. They hope to continue to pull the community together through their show, blogs, and events.

The ladies first health fair was Saturday, November 8th. The fair was held at Oak Hill Baptist Church in Dallas from 9AM to 2 PM. The location was in the heart of South Dallas and was a prime location in my opinion. What better way to draw people in, but to have it in an area where so many people have access to the location.

The ladies did a wonderful job creating an inviting atmosphere. The area that the fair was held in had music, a slide show, water, coffee, fruit, and multiple vendors. The slide show showed photos of the two hostesses, their logo, and other supporters of their cause. The health fair encompassed a blood drive, a free Zumba class, a dentist, a nurse, a young lady that offered natural hair tips, a young lady with hair wraps, a fitness trainer, and a blogger. The area was open and spacious so you didn’t feel crowded. You had room to walk freely and to visit with the parties that interested you. I had a chance to speak with all vendors and they were all pleasant and ready to share their knowledge with handouts and discussion. Bags with water and other items in it were provided to the visitors. The ladies went around to the vendors and did a clipping with them to show what they were offering at the fair.

The nurse had her blood pressure cuff and was offering to take blood pressure and her handouts discussed blood pressure, diabetes, men cancer, women cancer, and healthy eating. The plethora of information she had to offer was colorful and had stats and warning signs on them, which helped to draw people’s attention to them. They had a room separate to give blood, which is nice as some people have concerns with needles or giving blood and this gave them a sense of privacy.

The hygienist, Adrian, had information on oral care, the imprint of a mouth, toothbrushes and toothpaste to give away. She also brought a prescription stregnth toothpaste and mouthwash that was available for purchase. She had information to give away about gum disease, oral care, and photos to view on oral health. She said their dental office focuses on offering a relaxing office and great customer service as they know some of us have anxiety over visiting the dentist.

The Zumba class was rocking. I have always heard that Zumba can be so much fun depending on the instructor. The instructor was Sarang Douglas and teaches in Arlington. I spoke with her after the class and she mentioned her Zumba style is more of an Afro-Caribbean style of the class. The class brought all races and types of women together for a common goal of wanting to learn something new to get healthy or taking part in something they enjoy. The music for the class was very uplifting and the moves did not make you think about the amount of time it was taking to get through the class. Zumba offers a workout that works your arms, legs, and abs. I saw many women smiling through the class and enjoying themselves. The class offered times of cool down but in such a way that the heart rate would not drop too much. This was definitely a big hit for the audience.

HardCore Beauty had a table with their products on them as well. They had water bottles with their labels, candles made out of signature scents, and t shirts. A raffle was held throughout the fair for giveaways to the guest. The ladies broadcast their show from this location on Saturday as well.

Hats off to these two women!!! They did a superb job of offering an informative but welcoming atmosphere. I love the fact that with the health fair, they not only focused on physical health, but also mental health. Health is so much more than just physical. We definitely want to stay healthy physically, but your mental state is important as well. I know many people say if you look the way you want, you can be mentally balanced as well. I do believe that it does take both for your soul to be at peace and to be able to share your universal love as the ladies focus on. I can speak for most women, if their physical and mental health is inline; their confidence is at an entirely different level. They are more open to trying new things. The mental and physical health of a person can directly impact if a person maybe willing to step out of the box and try to reach other goals as well. I have witnessed more people that were happy with themselves attempt to try and reach goals that were harder to obtain. It all comes down to mindset, which normally stems from how a person feels about themselves. This may not always be true, but just from what I have witnessed.

Thank you to all the people that came out to support and made this event a success for these two beautiful and friendly spirits. Thank you ladies for allowing me to cover such an important event and I look forward to what you ladies will do next.

Don’t forget to tune into their show on the 2nd and 4th Saturdays at 2 PM by logging onto tmiradio.com

04 Nov

November 4, 2014June 1, 2015K Joi Family One Comment

The Imprint of an Absent Father

I wonder if people understand the power they hold in becoming a parent. I don’t think it takes much to become one as we all know a few pumps can grant someone this… but to truly be a parent, not just in name but literally. As a dad, you don’t have to be a man mentally, but just sexually active with someone that is fertile. Let me get right in this folks as this this topic gets me on my soap box.

I was a girl that did have her father around as much as possible. I had a father that defined work ethic in everything he did. He believed in working and taking care of his kids. This man was not only focused on helping based on child support, but was willing to split other items needed with my mother on top of child support. When it came to me getting my first relaxer, going from glasses to contacts, dances, debate tournaments, clinical rotations, being a mediator, writing for the school newspaper and on to college; he was there every step of the way. He was a man that would work multiple jobs and make time to call, visit, etc. He did not have me every other weekend due to working odd early hours, but best believe he made time to leave his legacy behind. He was a man that believed in having real talks with me and didn’t sugar coat much. He had his flaws, but he made sure I knew as his daughter and many times called his twin that I knew he loved me unconditionally and that there wasn’t anything I could do that we could not discuss and work through. For this, I can be nothing but thankful for the time I had him on this earth. As we just passed the third year of him passing and I am determined to live his legacy to the fullest. It about killed me to make it through two funerals and when they started to lower him into the ground, all I could think of was how cold he would be and how alone he would be. I about lost it in that moment. I say all this to impress upon you folks, not looking for empathy. I’ve dealt with my grief. My questions to you as a father; are you leaving an IMPRINT, RESENTMENT, or a LEGACY???

I see so many men that handle up on their responsibilities and I couldn’t be more proud. The men out there are going to make sure, even if their baby momma is ignorant that they are paying child support, getting court documents in order to see their child and spend that time. A parent raising a child takes more than money to raise them to be productive citizens. So many people struggle with issues they never dealt with as a child due to lack of love or feeling important to their parents at a young age. I specifically wrote about fathers/dads in this segment, but there will be one about mothers in the future.

As a dad, you didn’t have to invest much, but to be a father much is required. It requires you to be selfless, aware, self-evaluating, etc. Many of us don’t mind the act in making these children, but aren’t ready to be a parent. Don’t get me wrong…we all enjoy the action to make them and have had times not being so careful. What do you do once that pregnancy stick is a + vs a -?? At the moment you are made aware, it is time to get your mind right. I am not saying it will be easy or something to do overnight, however, it is something’s you should sit and think about. I see so many of our (this is universal, not specific to one ethnicity) men take the route of ducking their head under their tale versus standing up for an innocent child you helped create. You aren’t willing to try and better yourself or think about the future seeds you will plant in this child by walking out the door. I wish I could hear from some of these JOKERS that walk out after things don’t work out with the baby momma, the wife, the mistress, etc. It truly brings tears to my eyes when you see these wonderful blessings from God (let me mind you that some people can’t reproduce) questioning themselves due to these piece of crap (I was thinking another word) men. Men that are too busy to help pay for this child because he is building another family or raising other children. Don’t get me wrong…. Some have distance between them and can’t be there for every activity and that is understandable. I am speaking of those that can’t seem to get out of some chicks butt long enough to keep up with visits, the one that can’t pay child support for their own kids but can help support her kids because that is who he is with at the time. What makes this ok? Do you think of what that child goes through along the way? Of course not!!! You aren’t there to deal with building that child’s spirit and reassuring them it isn’t them, it is the man labeled dad. You may be a dad, but can you be a father? If you can’t monetarily be there, can you be there emotionally? Can you be there to be your daughter’s first love, first date, first cheerleader and/or for your son to show him how to treat women, how to be a man, how to deal with issues men suffer through? Or does all that go out the window the moment that something better comes along or someone you don’t have to handle your responsibility because it means you can’t go out one or two weekends a month or that you can’t hang with who you are dating because your child needs your undivided attention. What is the price you are willing to pay for this?? What happens when that three year old starts to ask where daddy is? When they realize other kids mention their dad, but they have no memory of theirs. When you do come around sporadically and feel that child should have some internal pull towards you, but he/she has no idea who you are. So I ask, why come around if you won’t be consistent. The point when that pre-teen is starting to see things for themselves. The little one will start taking note that their father that only calls when it is convenient for him (not because the mom is mentioning this, but because they are old enough to start forming their own opinion). The dad that only offers to pick them up when they can spend time only if their girlfriend is free. WHAT THE HELL. (side note, women if this is your man and you are good with this, I am going to need you to self-evaluate) The dad that will come to lunch and buy holiday gifts, but doesn’t ask how school and other activities are going on the regular. The day that child gets to a point to see things for themselves… You absent fathers may want to get your shields up, because they will have questions and opinions one day of your behavior. Their comments and feelings may not be to your liking, but best believe they will be real. Please, please think about these little roots that lead to their soul that you are imprinting. I have seen so many people battle with this for most of their adolescent life due to daddy issues.

Is it enough to know that your daughter may grow up doubting herself because the man that should have first shown her unconditional love is absent? Will she turn to being promiscuous? Or dating men beyond her age bracket and maturity level due to searching for that love? Will she turn to men that show the same characters you do because she is searching for something missing? Is it enough to know your son will question his manhood? He will be unsure how to handle that feeling of how to be a man? How to deal with questioning his feelings through puberty? How to handle stress? How to be there for a woman? What is ok as a man or indifferent? Do you care about the imprint you are leaving on your legacy??? Are you walking away because your father wasn’t there for you? Is it ok to continue that chain of disappointment? If you grew up without your father, don’t continue the cycle. Break it…

One more thing, if you are present in the child’s life but are not fully active; this still applies to you. A child recognizes people that don’t really want to be bothered many times more often than adults. Dad’s that claim to be there, but really aren’t, can be just as damaging. If you are there and ignoring them on the weekends for video games, pawning them off every time you get them, etc… that is not spending time. What I will say, is be ready for that day when that child comes to you and explains they did not appreciate your presence as it was clear you didn’t want to be bothered. Yep… that is real.

For those that need proof in the pudding: ( I chose older stats on purpose…to let it be a reminder of how long the trend goes on… but best believe it goes way further back)

•Fatherless aggression: In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed “greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households.”
Source: N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, “Household Family Structure and Children’s Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children,” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

•Hungry for love. “Father hunger” often afflicts boys age one and two whose fathers are suddenly and permanently absent. Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and night terrors frequently begin within one to three months after the father leaves home.
Source: Alfred A. Messer, “Boys Father Hunger: The Missing Father Syndrome,” Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, January 1989.

•Dadless years: About 40 percent of the kids living in fatherless homes haven’t seen their dads in a year or more. Of the rest, only one in five sleeps even one night a month at the father’s home. And only one in six sees their father once or more per week.
Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

•63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

Do I have your attention yet? I wonder if now, will see the correlation of what an absent father can leave on a child. You have a comment? You feel like you have an excuse you would like to share?