October 2014 – Roots To The Soul

28 Oct

October 28, 2014September 15, 2015K Joi Self Improvement/Worth 2 Comments

A Note to My Ladies

So it was put on my heart to write to my ladies, not really sure why. But it is what it is.

Dear Ladies,

Ladies, I hope you know the Queens you are and the Queens we are meant to become. We learn from such an early age, all the things to look forward to universally. What happens when life doesn’t take us down the yellow brick road? When prince charming hasn’t shown up? We haven’t had kids yet? Our careers are not going the way we want them to go???

I come to you knowing that we can surpass it all. I come to you as a sister that has been down the emotional roller coaster with education, relationships, spirituality, and other things in life. I know first-hand what it can do to a person when your life is changed in heartbeat and the dreams you had with one man are now just a fantasy, which in turns make you wonder if marriage will be something you will ever want again and question if you want children. What it is like to leave one career due to grief and needing to move back home into a career, you never saw yourself in. I saw all this to you to say STAY ENCOURAGED!!!!

I hear so many of my sisters (this is across the color lines) stories and how many aren’t sure how to make it through. We don’t know who to turn to, who to trust, who to believe in. For this, I come to you with one simple answer. Turn and trust in God. Even your nearest dearest friends will let you down, hurt your feelings, say something that stings, etc. It is not that you can’t take these things, but sometimes in the storm the clarity we need is not from everyone around us. We have to learn as women how to share, but also how to lean on God. I have no qualms sharing my life story with my nearest and dearest of girls. However, best believe I know who I can’t share the best secrets, fears, and worries with.

As women, we have such a struggle in building relationships with one another that have a lasting foundation. I can’t explain it because many of my #1s have been through the trenches with me; the lowest of low, things that my family has no idea about. However, I hear so many women talk about their friendships or men discuss them and how these women are willing and dealing behind their friends back to get at their dude, talk mess, or just perpetrate. My question to you is as a female, what do you gain from this? As women we can be so powerful in our partnerships. I would strongly suggest that if you find you have a hard time building partnerships with other ladies, you may want to evaluate why. I know very few women that have this issue and are without things to evaluate on why they can succeed in those friendships. However, so many choose not to take that route. If you can’t build friendships with people, how do we expect to be able to make it in relationships with our mate?

I am one that loves to people watch and with this I see the things women do to get attention from men, I am smh and darn near laughing. I just happened to be sitting by a few guys when some of these shenanigans took place. The odd thing was the women thought it was so cute, being loud, using ebonics, flirting beyond cuteness, and cussing. Dude later turns to me and was like it isn’t my cup of tea. He was like I have no interest in what they are putting out there. In that moment, I just wanted to chat with them for a moment, but these days we can’t just give constructive criticism to one another. Women take it as hating when another woman may just be trying to help you see something differently. I truly believe this all comes down to mind frame and maturity. I do believe women have the ability to pull a man that many may not believe is within her ranks, however, you may have to conduct yourself accordingly. I am not saying be someone you are not, I am saying be you and if that doesn’t work, then it may not be for you. One of the best things I have heard a man say on the Online Happy Hour (DFWIRADIO and TMIRADIO) if a man doesn’t see you at that time, there can be many reasons. Women should be thankful for this as he or you may not be ready for what it could bring. Many of us as women can’t take this though, we want to be able to show that man what a good women we can be. Ladies, I ask you to take it from me. You can show a man who you truly are and he may never truly SEE YOU!!! Know this and accept this and keep it moving. What the gentlemen said on the show is very true. I say all of this because I see women that are nice looking, intelligent women doing things to get a man’s attention and it doesn’t always go as planned. Is it worth dumbing yourself down, seeming like someone you aren’t?

As women we encompass so much more than many of us allow ourselves to provide to others. I know some of us would love to be married and starting families and this just hasn’t happened for us yet. We look in the mirror and we ask ourselves why, what are we doing wrong. My answer, you may not be doing anything wrong. However, if you have something’s to work on, take this time to do that. If you have that unfortunate “black women attitude” issue, if you have an issue with trust, a daddy issue, a communication issue, etc. Have you laid your past to rest and welcomed what your future has to offer? I could dwell on the fact of a broken engagement, money lost, and the embarrassment of living through it all. I promise you that if I hadn’t I would have never believed that one day God would send me that one for me, that was made for me, and know that I would want to be married versus disliking the idea because it did not work out with him. At some point you have to accept that it may have all worked out the way it was supposed to. You may not always understand your past relationships, have full closure, but take the learning lesson and leave the rest behind. Let’s start by working on what we can do to better ourselves. I know it can be hard to focus on that when we are doing it all at home and in our careers and are ready for that companionship that we know God has promised. I urge you to stay encouraged and make sure you are open for what marriage and children bring a long with it. Every person I know will share with you that marriage and having kids is the hardest job in the world. If you are one that wants to sleep the weekend away, are you ready for a companion that will require time on your weekends to build a foundation? If you want children, but can’t stand being around others kids… you may want to rethink this. Lol. I always love that one. People will say it is different with your own, but keep in mind the same struggles that people have with their children, maybe your same struggle. Not saying it will be handled the same or that rings true for all, but consider it. Marriage and children don’t guarantee you a rainbow leading to a pot of gold and you have to be willing to surrender to that mate if you want a Godly marriage and be open to accept your weaknesses and share them with you children when age appropriate to be a better parent in my opinion. Ask yourself if you could be married to you before looking for someone to join in that union. Do you have it in you to be the parent you want to be, when tired, when sick, when feeling like giving up. Having a little person’s life in your hands, changes everything. I hear you will never be the same. I truly believe this just with my nieces and nephews. I have seen perfection born with their births and they bring a different light to my life and they aren’t even mine. We have to learn to be vulnerable with people besides our girls. When we advise we are ready for marriage or that man of God, are we ready for what comes with it? If it takes us out of our comfort zone or into the unknown?

I had the opportunity recently to step out with a handsome gentleman that was just a friend. What a fresh of breath air it was to head to dinner with a man that has great conversation, opens doors, carries bags, etc. I must say it had been so long for me, I almost grabbed at my own doors. This action would not have made me wrong in anyway, but it just also shows that I am not used to this behavior. Is that wrong no, but can we be so independent that we can’t even enjoy a night out with a friend that has manners and want to treat you like a lady and looking for nothing in return. Sometimes we need a reminder that these good guys are out there. They aren’t asking for anything, just enjoying your time and you vice versa. We need as women to be able to build healthy relationships with the opposite gender without assuming it is all based on more. I know this can be a hard spot. I have run into a few men that have truly intimidated me in every way. It wasn’t even because they were trying and I can be sure they knew because people around me would say I became darn near stoic around them. I recall one that I built the courage up to tell I had an interest in getting to know. Believe me; I had seen him with all types of nice looking women. He had confidence in his walk, a smile to die for, appeared to have a heart to help people, and one that motivated me without even knowing he possessed that power. I say this to say; sometimes we do have to jump out of our comfort zone. I didn’t approach this man in a manner of trying to get at him although he was very handsome, but rather in just wanting to get to know him better. I am old enough and have been around long enough to know that the wrapping of a person only tells you so much. I know many women feel this is an avenue that traditional, down home girls just don’t do. My question is what is the harm in expressing interest if doing so in friendship? We may see someone and think what it would be like to be on their arm, but I would hope most of us want to find out more and not just base it on that.

I ask that we also look at the way we handle ourselves. As a women, there is nothing wrong with keeping yourself up, learning how to plan for your future (with or without a family), have decent conversation, knowing how to build foundations, searching for who you are and knowing what makes you happy and drives you. Take time to find the cloths that look great on your body type. Everything is not going to look great on everyone at all sizes. However, no matter the size, I have seen some women that truly bring it in the wardrobe department. They take the time to find things that fit and flatter their body type. I know that many will say that it cost to get items tailored, altered, etc. I do agree and am not saying to spend money there if that is not available right now. However, for those that are at this point, take this into account. Think about your clothes, shoes, hair, nails, etc. I am not big on expensive purses but for some, that is their thing. You have to know what gives you that confidence and that extra pep in your step when you walk into a room. Some of the women I see that do this best, are doing it best because they know they are killing it in what they have one and it looks great on them.

At the same time, find yourself. Find things outside of dating, work, church, etc that you enjoy. Many times I see women struggle in friendships and relationships, because they just don’t know who they are. They don’t know what they like and don’t like. They have not taken the time to get to know them. Find that passion outside of work if it is not what you do every day. Get involved in that one organization or charity you have been looking into for years. I know some will say; they don’t know how to find these things. Start by searching Google, going to the library for research (I know that is old school, but something about the library is just so settling-lol). Furthermore, if you have an interest in something and don’t know where to start, I’ll extend my helping hand to help find some contacts. Just in the start of this blog and before I have met so many people on different paths and been given contacts. Some of them are listed under my businesses I support blog (Nothing but Support and other blogs sharing entertainment and products), many can be found on Facebook, etc. We need to have something to stick our roots in and that brings us enjoyment outside of the normal channels in life. If you don’t know what this is, pray and ask God to reveal it to you.

Let’s learn to come together to IMPACT1 another and other women. To uphold them when they are down, to build lasting friendships that make it through the test of time, to learn ourselves and others to empower us to be BETTER, BOLDER, WISER, CONFIDENT, and most of all GOD FEARING.

Sincerely,
KJOI

21 Oct

October 21, 2014May 29, 2015K Joi Trending Issues No Comments

Locked Up Frenzy

No one truly knows a nation until one has been inside its jails. A nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but its lowest ones.
-Nelson Mandela

Many of us know someone that is locked up for different reasons. I come today to discuss this topic after the many people I have seen that have been locked up and forgotten about. Are these people really any different then who we are daily, are they the ones that possibly took it too far and now have restricted liberties. I don’t condone violence, breaking the law of any sort, but I also do believe that many people make mistakes and after coming out of jail or prison they are labeled (which doesn’t help them trying to get back to a normal life). All crimes hold a different punishment, but something’s ring similar to people and that is losing their support system while locked up.
Many jails and prisons have these people in areas with no air, no heat, and facilities with rodents. I am not saying they have to have a decked out spot, but not everyone there deserves to be without air, heat, etc. What it must be like to know you made a mistake and wake up in the middle of the night to find snakes, rats, spiders out and the guards aren’t willing to assist in securing your safety.

I have known so many people that lost it all due to their decisions. I am not saying they didn’t need time to get themselves together, but I wonder what it is like to lose your support team in the blink of an eye. Once a person loses it all and only has walls, cold bars, and a cot left to their name…does it bring them to reality? Do they struggle with how to recover and rehabilitate? Can it be done when everyone you cherished walks away? Why do people walk away? Is it that we don’t want to be known as the person that knows someone who sold drugs, caught while intoxicated (although there are a ton of people that do this and never get caught), or the ones that trusted someone that was not who they thought they were. 86% of prior offenders go back to prison within 3-5 years. This statistic sinks my heart. Many will feel that this is not their problem as people have to have a certain mindset. However, I can attest that many will never know the struggle of someone that has a record that will always be with them. NO matter their talent, what they bring to the table, it is 100 times harder for a prior felon to come up. If they are released and can barely get a job making enough to stay above the poverty line, limited access to resources, and the reality that you will re-live your past every time you attempt to better yourself. Every application, every conversation about your future, every time you try to do better and have to revisit this instance.

I know a guy that was a football star in high school. He was known and loved by just about everyone he came into contact with. Only to fall victim to sleeping with a young lady that lied about her age. (please refrain from making judgment, know neither of us were there). Along with losing your scholarship came with a parole violation. Only for this young man to be young and less focused and breaking his violation. Missing check ins with his parole officer that resulted in violation of parole. He now has a record, has done time, and everyone that praised him has walked out of his life outside of his immediate family and a few of us. His boys left his side as soon as that sentence came down. He was no longer left to be reminded of his great potential but rather the label of a predator. I knew this person fairly well. I have tried my best to keep and touch and even visit from time to time. I see him and realize that he has the will to fight on and faith in God that all will be ok once he is released. However, I was heartbroken finding out that all these people that had been your personal cheerleaders when you were doing well, have now fled your side. They don’t keep in touch. They don’t check on your mother. They don’t even ask those of us that know you if you are ok and how you are. This man is not dead; he is doing time for a mistake you can’t correct. Am I saying I think he shouldn’t do time… I can’t make that call because I hardly know all the details. However, what I do know was the result of the people that claimed to be ride or die and down for life.

I am not speaking of our hardened criminals that have molested kids, serial murders, etc. I am a firm believer that there is a battle on Earth daily between good and evil. In this battle, some of us fall victim to weaknesses, mental illnesses, and simply making a deal with the dark side. However, I do believe people can change if they honestly see the error of their ways and give their heart to God. I hear so many people quick to judge one that has done time or has a record without knowing the story. I am not saying it will make it ok or understandable, but it may be more relatable then imagined. My biggest question is where does the support go?? All the family and friends that cheered you on that now have stopped making visits, checking on you, and writing you. How do we allow our everyday lives to take over us and not remember that their mistake is no worse than ours that may not have been shared? We can make all the time in the world to watch reality television, kick it with people that aren’t offering anything positive, but can’t make time to give back.

If one could take a moment and think of what life would be like without God’s grace and mercy and our support systems, it would be pretty rough. Our support systems allow us to remember that through the mistakes we make, we are not forgotten. I have seen people get locked up that had so much hope and promise and within that moment, lost it all. Many would argue that they deserved this as they had to infringe on someone else’s liberty to make it. I ask you to stop and ask yourself, do you know their story. What they were going through? Did they need help and society turned their back? Did they make a cry out for help but the people that were normally there were not there? I am not making excuses, just curious?

I know there are programs in place to assist once a felon gets released. However, do we help them just enough to fall back into the same situation? Or do we truly offer enough for this person to see they can attempt to live a normal life with certain restrictions? Law and Order aired a show (many are based on real life events) where a man that got out of prison after taking the rap for his daughter’s mother’s father was a productive citizen. He worked two jobs, checked in with his parole officer as he was supposed to, and was trying to get back on his feet to be able to assist with his daughter. One day the little girl was kidnapped and the mother said he took her. Due to his past being sketchy the police went for him first. Only to find that he had two jobs and was hoping to see his daughter more. Later on it came out that the child’s mother had her kidnapped for random from the family to pay her husband’s gambling debit. The young girl’s mother ran off with her husband and left her little girl alone after the truth was revealed. The police and CPS offered the father full custody so the young girl would not have to go into foster care. The young man was overjoyed to have his daughter with him full time. However, the same day he got this news he shared with the cop that assisted him in this that he did not have a place to live where he could take his daughter safely. He asked how he would he get there with no assistance from someone to help watch her while he worked two jobs? The officer offered him money for a hotel room and told the man, he would figure it out. Later that evening, the officer got a call saying the young man tried to rob the hotel. They got there the man told the cop he had no way to care for his daughter and he was taken back to jail. They checked the gun he had and it wasn’t loaded. Later to realize his fear became reality that he could not care for his daughter with the label he had been given and without assistance in someone being able to watch her while he worked two jobs to try and provide a normal life for them.

I am simply wondering if a little can go a long way. Making time to visit that inmate. Asking the family if they need assistance with putting money on their books. Writing the person and making sure they know they are not forgotten. I know many will say they don’t have the money to assist, but is it that you don’t have the money or can’t do without that bottle of liquor for the weekend, those cigarettes (that are killing you slowly), eating out one meal less, or drinking a few less Starbucks a week. I am not trying to lay claim to your money and what you do with it. Do you wonder if a little could go a long way? Have you been that person that was only in need? Were you met with people being open about assistance or resistance?

Being in a prison or jail can be just as bad as your mind being imprisoned by your past. Many of us can’t seem to escape the whispers that remind us that the writing on our walls stay deep engraved in us no matter how many times you paint them. So are the people actually behind bars with limited freedom any different than the women that have been verbally abused for years and can no longer see herself as God sees her? Are they any different from the person you see on the street panhandling, but have no idea what events took place for them to there.
Some will say it is not my issue and I don’t know anyone in this situation. One day you may and I hope you can keep this in mind.

Can we rehabilitate one by IMPACTING1????

14 Oct

October 14, 2014June 23, 2015K Joi My Visions 2 Comments

My Reason Why

This was put on my heart to share

I have been asked over and over again why I have decided to blog and work on a book. I have been asked what subjects the blog will address. Is there a certain flow or style to the blog? I have been asked when I will hit more controversial topics.

My reason for blogging is multileveled. My #1 reason for blogging is to educate and or bring awareness. I am not looking for everyone to be in agreement with me; however, I do have a voice to be heard. I used to be a shy young lady that only went after comfortable things. I rarely walked outside of my box and comfort zone. I by no means was an introvert, but have always been one to sit back and observe first. Freshman year in high school a teacher asked me about considering joining the debate team. She lured me in by advising I would meet nice looking guys. She neglected to share with me that this would help me even out my views on life, hone my communication skills, and would forever burn in my heart. After being out of high school, I went back and judged state qualifying tournaments for ten years. I felt it was a way to give back to the youth and mentor them in some way on how to be a better communicator.

I have had a fire burning inside of me to help people for as long as I can remember. I have been one that is always looking for a way to assist and find a solution. I have had a passion to help train and teach for years. I have had times in my career of considering leaving the corporate world to teach, but never did. I think something within me was scared to leave what I have always been accustomed to.
I recall a time of passing a homeless guy some money and heading to a different area to pick up something for my father. I came back through and he was still there. He asked me to drop him off at his hotel. I agreed by stepping out on faith with a quick, quick prayer. I took him through a drive through and dropped him off at his motel. He said he was staying there with a friend as they had saved up enough to stay a night or two. He shared with me how he had made a mistake with his family and they disowned him and that is how he became homeless. I know I was crazy to allow him in my car, but I always think of what I would want for someone to do for me or my family if it was us. I am by no means advising anyone to do the same. I realize what I did was dangerous and could of cost me my life. I am merely sharing the story to make a point. I recall another time of passing a women money in church because the spirit lead me to. As I passed it to her and saw the emotion on her face, I knew I did the right thing listening to the spirit.

How the name and project came about

The name of this project came to me at a trying time in my life. I had lost my father, moved to a new state, started a new area of my career, and was unsure what my next steps would be. I was sleeping one of the few times I slept well while living in Jacksonville, FL when I felt God speak to me. He gave me the name and at that time, I was wondering what I was supposed to do with it. I had no idea what it would come to mean to me in just a few months’ time into fruition. My biggest question was; how do I share my story and my voice and hold on to my comfort zone. Am I ready to share my views and opinions about faith, success, relationships, without knowing if people would accept me or embrace it? God advised that I t was time to step out of my shell and trust in him as things started to unfold, my journey was only to Imact1. This could be women, young girls, boys and men if they want to know the impact of their actions. I know that seems vague, but I believe if we were all to open up about the things that bring us joy and pain then people may have a better understanding of their actions. After considering the best way to do that, I knew I would have to open up and communicate more with my peers. It did not come without doubt and wonder. I know many people that have been successful in what they started and every now and then, you still see or hear that tinge of doubt or unsureness. Everyone won’t realize why, agree, or support; so you will have to step above that and know that if God said it is to be, no man can change that. The countless messages I have received from people that have taken their time to read what I am investing in and their opinions has been very helpful. It confirmed for me that I have made the right choice. I do it for all my babies (nieces and nephews) out there. One day they will have an opinion of who I am, who I became, and what I did with my life. I’ve struggled with the idea of writing a book, as that comes without the bells and whistles. However, it comes with an undeniable truth that if I can make it and have faith, so can anyone else!!!!!

A reminder to all

I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years and this person just happened to share their story with me. They were so bold, candid, and forthcoming and with a story that many of us would only view or have nightmares of in a movie. I did wonder how they could be so bold, so confident, so willing to share. They shared with me because, God changed them. They have been more open about sharing what makes them who they are today because it will help someone else. As thankful as I was for this person just wanting to share what happened in their life, they hadn’t seen me in years. They weren’t worried about me judging them; they just were good with where they were. I could only appreciate and respect their honesty. It reminded me that we can learn so much from just being willing to share where we have fallen. I didn’t pass judgement, but rather found myself aww struck as it has been years since I have ran into someone so transparent.

My heart, soul, and spirit light up when I write. I have made some of the earlier topics lighter due to me wanting to give people a chance to get to know me and who I am. I am learning how to share my struggle through my words. I assure you there will be ups and downs along the way. However, he will equip you. Don’t focus on what people seem to support or don’t. Focus on writing or sharing your journey by letting God place your circle around you as needed. I have been so blessed to have support from people that I did not know very well prior. I am not here to say it will be easy. You will have times that people will not support and they may even hurt your feelings along the way. I am here to remind you to keep dusting yourself off and focus on the unending desire that you can’t ignore. You have to believe in yourself first beyond measure (this will come with time).This will be hard at first, but know God did not put this in you to leave you alone. He will provide avenues you did not see coming to assist you. I have had an opportunity to be on online radio, have a commercial (still seems unreal to me), start t-shirts, opening up about myself and my news. I promise you it will be a feeling like no other…. NO EXCUSES…work on that dream and make it a reality.

In my latest training class I had to share two truths and one lie as we are trying to all get to know one another. I used me being a blogger to see if anyone would think that was the lie. One guy, I hadn’t even met said he knew the blogger was true. This was our first day together in the class and this occurred about half way through the day. I share this to say that you never know what people see in you. I was in shock as he went on to explain that I was articulate and professional so he didn’t see it being far-fetched. I didn’t share this to pat myself on the back, but to share that you never know what other people see and will use to form an opinion.

I believe my greatest moments are ahead of me. I hope you will continue to join me on my journey and into the next step of writing my book. I am a blogger now, a corporate employee continuing to progress in my career, a family girl, a woman with more hopes and dreams. I am the same as the next person out there that put action behind their heart. My baby is now a blog. I live and breathe it. As I see the transition from barley speaking on it to wanting to wear my shirts everywhere and speak of the blog, it truly becomes your reason why. Feel free to follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Feel free to leave a message on the website to share how you feel about the content or if there is an area you would like to hear about.

06 Oct

October 6, 2014June 1, 2015K Joi Trending Issues One Comment

The Connotation of Being Black

Once upon a time there was a young lady that became friends with a young man that was a little more outspoken then she was. As their friendship developed, she called his house one day and his mother answered. She advised the pre-teen that she did not allow white girls to call her son and requested to speak with her mother. The young girl proceeded to put her mother on the phone as requested. The women advised her mother that this little girl was no longer welcome to call her house. The girl’s mother advised the women that her daughter was black and wanted to confirm the age of the women’s son as her son’s voice was fairly deep. This may be an interesting start to this, but it is part of my story. I was 12 when this occurred and was right at the beginning of starting to talk with boys on the phone. I learned at an early age that speaking a certain way and carrying myself as such would mean I may be depicted as something completely different based on the color of my skin, the way I speak/spoke versus what I brought to the table.

In an article from CNN, the President stated, “Sometimes African-Americans, in communities where I’ve worked, there’s been the notion of ‘acting white’ — which sometimes is overstated,” he told the group. “But there’s an element of truth to it, where, OK, if boys are reading too much, then, well, why are you doing that? Or why are you speaking so properly? And the notion that there’s some authentic way of being black, that if you’re going to be black you have to act a certain way and wear a certain kind of clothes, that has to go. There are many different ways for African-American men to be authentic.”

So many times, our children now days start to learn this same lesson mentioned above. They learn it through the shows they watch, the music they hear, the environment they are around, and the way people treat or what they say to them. I am by no means saying we don’t all have some preconceived notions of people on site, but rather it is how you react that makes the difference. I hear people discuss perception versus reality all the time. I am not sure how you evaluate this on the daily basis, but know we all have times of looking different from what people perceive us as. I have seen the battle in so many attempting to fit between the color lines based on where they felt most comfortable. Their comfort level may vary based on how certain people treat them, the response to mistakes, the stereotype, etc. I titled this as I did as this has been an ongoing issue. I am not indicating this is everyone in the world. However, if it brings awareness to you as you live your life, then by all means… I have done what I needed to do. I can’t begin to understand why kids would want to run around holding their pants vs wearing a belt. I can’t understand why someone would prefer to do things that attempt to label them or throw them into a certain category. However, those doing this don’t make them wrong. Just since I have been around, people are quick to label kids that wear their pants below their waste, gold teeth, tattooed up, smoking blacks (this is not weed), and loud gansta rap. The comment acting black or acting white, irritates the hell out of me!!! You can’t act a color, but if your mindset agrees with this comment then you are influencing and sharing those views with people around you. Views that are being passed on to the kids and the future of tomorrow. They don’t come out of the womb caring if someone is white, brown, dark, light, natural or straight hair. Behaviors are learned and carried on, they aren’t birthed with these.

My question is, do you agree? Does being black bring a connotation with it, either good or bad? Do you think people have certain apprehensions when it comes to black people that they do not have about White, Asians, Indians, etc? If so, why is that? We can’t simply say crime rates and drug use. Many people that I have had these convos with based this on a small select group of people they have been around or had bad dealings with. My issue with that is all races have some bad apples; it isn’t just the black race. I have heard people say that their parents don’t mind them bringing someone of another race home as a friend, but if they were to bring someone they were dating home, they know the person they bring home could not be black. I would ask why is that…well it is due to what has occurred with past people we have known that were black. Huh?? What does this mean. Do we judge an entire race off of certain encounters with different individuals?

The movie Imitation of Life is a perfect example. This movie shows a young girl running from her background due to trying to get a better opportunity. Now in the day this was made, her being another race made a difference for her to advance. She carried herself and surrounded herself with certain people in hopes that her race would not be revealed. So many may be able to connect to this due to the timeframe this was released. However, it still shows that being black can come with a stigma that does not take into account your individualism nor talent.

The movie Dancing in September is a movie that shows a young black woman attempting to make it in the world of television and movies. She is striving hard to make a difference in the things she brings to people’s homes and to view for enjoyment. She ends up meeting a television executive that helps her along the way. They both have a similar vision. However, along the way one show that takes off that has a black cast is asked to do more things that seem “blackish” or that would seem to relate to others while still being in the black sterotype. She and he had issues with this, but ultimately did add additional things to “make it more relatable” that just happen to not be so funny to those trying to bring a different identity with black entertainment.

I hear the things kids say to one another through listening to my niece and nephews. My nephews are biracial and I know at some point they will be asked some of these things or some dumb parent of a child they are visiting will make a comment. I dread those days for them. They all dress nice, hair combed, love different times of music. I pray that they will only be viewed based on their characteristics.

I refuse to lesson my vernacular to help someone else feel more superior or less comfortable being around me based on my race!!!!

Does being black really only come down to speaking ebonics, dressing a certain way, urban hair styles and colors, talking loud, fake nails, fake hair, and derogatory things. Is there a way to act a color or race? If so, what depicts that race and why?