All things discussed are relative and implying based on what I have heard women say and react based on.
As a child, girls are initially started out to be groomed to think about that one special day. So most girls are starting to think about what her Ken and Prince Charming will be like to help her build her yellow brick road. She starts early on thinking about if she wants a family, what kind of mom she will be, and what her American Dream will consist of. She dreams, dreams, dreams of what will be the next step once she gets old enough to date and who that one will be. We have dream doll houses, babies that do live things, play kitchen, and mock salons to prep us. It takes a little girl growing into an independent teenager and into a thriving young lady to not let these stigmas grow with her. She can focus on being the full package, but it isn’t complete until he locates her. I know, I know… he is supposed to find her. What happens when the dream becomes a nightmare and you wonder why most of your exs suffer from the lack of a mix of the 5 Things I Wish My Ex’s Knew.
- The lack of willingness to communicate is a red flag.
- A lack of support through tragic situations say the love is lost.
- Making me a lower priority or a shift on the priority list.
- Seeking attention from other women.
- The act of loving me
Let’s depict these. The concern of communication can be on the female side as well, but today we will grab it from the male side. Where oh where does it start. It seems like from a boys adolescents they can choose communication signs that are so hard to understand. As the move, He Just Isn’t Into You, shows a boy will throw stuff at you or step on your mud pie and females can read this different ways. They open up discussion in this movie by advising that they give such weird signals. However… that just starts us all on the wrong page to think they do and say opposite of what they mean. For some men, they don’t know how to communicate. Those that don’t will show that in different ways. He may avoid the conflict by shutting down or he may just stray away from pillow talk or deep things. Either way… it is a sign. Keep in mind that communication does not have to always be verbal, so nonverbal ques count as well. I need men to understand how this really breaks down the relationship. So if it is as minor as her thinking she can’t discuss her day, what stresses her, family drama she may assume it says how he feels about her. When he makes a mistake and isn’t willing to open up about it, it shows accountability concerns. A lack of accountability attached to this and can make a women feel that she is not or wasn’t important enough for you to want to have these discussions. Just something to think about. If you go back and forth on the same thing and he never shares his opinion on the situation or a solution… you have to wonder if he is still in the relationship.
Lack of Support through Tragic Situations
This one guys… is right up there with communication. I have to say it just makes me shake my head due to the lack of compassion some have for the ones they “love”. Please put yourself in this situation prior to handling it a certain way. When someone/anyone loses someone they love or care about and have a significant other, I promise you that person needs your support and understanding through these times. I understand that everyone handles death differently and many times we don’t know how to handle death. Communication can assist in trying to be supportive. Allow her to share her feelings, cry, and to be in a funk for a bit. She doesn’t need nor want to hear how you handle death at that point. It doesn’t matter that you are now suddenly tired and can’t lend an ear. If you turn her away when she needs your shoulder, it says more than you were just busy. Please understand I am not speaking of having to run to work, an important business meeting that you can’t skip, or something of that nature. If you sale it to her that she can’t rely on you through those times it can lead to resentment. I personally ended a relationship over this one. I was dating a guy I had been dating for almost two years when my maternal grandmother passed from cancer. My boyfriend at the time had a rough week and when I called to say she had passed after he got off work, he advised he was tired and was going to need to call me tomorrow. He did share his condolences, but he lived 2 hours away and I was up most the night upset. True to form he did call the next day and was all in. I personally took it as if he was not willing to push through that tiredness then it equated to how much he cared or didn’t care for me. After all I loved this dude. For a women, this goes further than how a male may evaluate it. If he is someone you see building a family with, you then wonder if something was to happen to you how he would act with your children or family. For me, that said it all.
The Shift on the Priority List
Men, Men, Men… some of you guys are pros at this and others may just not know how to show her she is important. You can’t keep pushing her down the list and expect her to know she is important to you. At that point where she is shifted down the list for a certain amount of time, it will catch her eye. She may not say anything right off, but she is paying attention. If she doesn’t hear from you during her week of her cycle on a consistent basis then she may have other concerns. If you only now have time for her once you finish everything and no longer ask how she is doing or send cute messages, she will take notice. I just think you can save yourself the time by reassuring her early on as priorities shift sometimes on a weekly basis, she won’t feel that shift or be as concerned if it is normally clear where she stands as a priority. If she owns a house and has a minor issue and she calls you, you don’t call back to check on the issue until later and then recommend her calling someone else to assist that she knows versus you coming to make sure all is ok, she knows she is not a priority and nothing you can do or say can or will change that. So be sure before you send out that mayday signal, if that is not what you are actually wanting to do.
Seeking attention from other women
This can start as a result of so many things. The biggest thing with this is that most the time we don’t know it is going on until it becomes embarrassing. So if it is lude comments on social media on other women’s photos or the “innocent” flirt with the server. How disrespectful is that SHIT? No female is more secure in her relationship from her dude searching for attention from the chick around the way. What is it that drives people to this point? Can he really say the lack of attention from the chick in his path or can it be that whatever is going on has not been resolved. Ladies, if he is mentioning someone you have never heard of and the women walked passed him and turns around to introduce herself, the chick maybe interested. The girlfriend/wife does not need to address this. Once that young lady steps out of line, he needs to be able to have that conversation. If you get a rise from other women doing more than looking, then you need to re-evaluate why you are where you are. Are you really ready for a relationship if you are seeking the attention of someone else to validate who you are or if you still have it like that. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so don’t get me wrong… but we all know the difference between someone looking and keeping it moving. If you are missing something at home and are lacking one thing or multiple things, then the best thing to do is communicate about it. You would hate for your leading lady to be worried about you cheating or having a wondering eye and it is something that can be worked out as you are not attempting to cheat.
The act of loving me: Less says more than you think
I love you, I miss you, I care for you are all just words, if breathe is never breathed into the words. You can’t love a women in one breath and then in the next one screw her over time and time again. The little things that are asked about that are not done does not show your love or caring nature. Strong independent women are able to do so many of the things that men can do. It is about finding a helpmate and someone that can give some understanding and boundaries. It can be such little things like an additional hug, or surprise visit. At times, we can find it hard to know with trying to not equate the things above. How do you show love, share this with her along the way and ways it may alter that don’t mean anything different from what she is used to. Keep in mind that if you advise of these things and set a field of what to expect, then she may easily transition with you between those hard days at work or stressing on the next step to take.
If you enjoyed this blog, please check out 3 Core Values in a Relationship under the Relationship category.