I felt drawn to write on this due to there being a lot of people that seem to be suffering for the misdirection of how important these are. Of course I am speaking of people that are in relationships or a marriage for the right reasons, not for a business transaction, or just for name sake. I know this can be different for all people, however everyone wants to be loved. I don’t know anyone that can deny that. Respect comes into play as for many people with the respect lacking, the feel of love is lacking as well.
I have to say that most of it goes back to learning to communicate and being transparent with your mate. If you love someone with everything in you, are you willing to take the roller coaster ride called life with them? So it applies to relationships and marriage as many are dating to find a mate. Are you discussing what makes your feel respected or lack thereof? You need to understand what makes your tick, what hits a nerve, and what will make you feel disrespected. I say that as although you may find a mate that seems to fit the form you are looking for, those questions will or I would think would come up at some point. We can’t expect someone else to know everything about us. As we learn and grow together, yes there are behaviors and things they will pick up on. Reading minds will more than likely not be one of them and is more than anyone should expect. As we know what works for some doesn’t work for others, so take the time to learn one another and understand the other party.
Love can be shown in so many different formats. As you are dating be open to learn how that person shows love. Everyone won’t do it the same way. Saying they love you, gifts, offering to assist in a time of need is not the same way everyone will show love. You must also take time to know how you show and display love. My advice would also be not to use the word too loosely and know what you mean when you say it. Don’t get drawn in because the other party says it first or starts to show displays of how your show your love. Communicate, Communicate, And Communicate. The reason being is without this one factor, many times love can be misconstrued just as easily as a text message sent with an assumed tone. We know how easily those are misread. One other thing maybe to know once you start sharing that you love this person, be ready to answer why. People are not being funny when asking this, but some may not see the person as you do or may just wonder how you equate knowing you are in love or have love for someone. I will say one sure sign for me that I realized over the years is that if I am willing to do his feet, massage, clip toe nails, etc then I definitely have a special place for him in my heart. Not sure why, but I just don’t believe in just touching everyone’s feet or handling them. I know this is minute to some, but I know for me this is a big thing for me.
Respect… earned or learned?? All varies on the person. You learn just like in friendships what makes them feel respected or disrespected. I think it should go without saying that you should know what can or can’t be done for your partner to battle with feeling respected or disrespected. To me, this is one more thing that all people want in just everyday life. In a lifetime partnership, how do you what will make them feel disrespected if you don’t ask? This is something that I would think would be discussed before making it down the aisle, but if for some reason it is not… I would make it a point to discuss. You are not always going to have the same upbringing, values, or views on things. I can’t imaging most people not knowing what makes them feel disrespected so this should be an easy conversation to have. Although, if they don’t still push through what maybe a struggle of a conversation as it is good for both parties to know. If you have a night with your girls and make it home near midnight without calling to say I am going to be out late, he may view that as being disrespectful. How will you know without simply asking? I know that it sounds silly, but as you hear so much that goes on in relationships, you realize some of those concerns could be easily turned around by knowing what makes the other one feel respected.
I by no means want to come off as a relationship counselor. I am currently single, never been married and I know for some that will disqualify my opinions I am sharing. However, I’ve had my share of relationships and have gone through the process with them of learning these things and seen firsthand what it has done to others. I am not married today as I don’t believe in starting a marriage with a lack of loyalty, love, and respect. If I have to question those things going in, why start it then… take the time to work through those issues so you are not walking in wondering if you can make the year mark. We all know things can come up in a relationship or a marriage that can strain it, but you want to start off on a good note of starting your life together and continue to work on things. I have heard people say they don’t want to have these “hard” conversations and I just wonder what type of relationship they are searching for. Find what works for you and yours and know yourself well enough to know what you need and want. I ask you not to enter into something serious without understanding these two crucial things for yourself as it is hard to communicate it another party if you don’t know yourself.
If you enjoyed this blog, feel free to read 3 Core Values in a relationship under the relationship category.