This one is for the little girl that has had a life full of nightmares that run into reality and left her learning of some of the monsters that turned into people she loved and adored. The nightmares that seemed so real and full of unspoken truths that left her in tears at night until the day the record was set straight and the purpose for them all came into clear view.
So many of us struggle with this one daily. The word tells us that having faith the size of a mustard seed will suffice. I don’t think that most of us don’t stride for this, but it is the doubt and the whispers that keep us from watering this seed consistently. Perhaps it is the one trap we fell for that we said our entire lives we would never fall for or the lack of allowing ourselves to live as we had a child earlier than planned. I know there is power in his name. I know that he can do anything and that by his grace and mercy he can bestow that upon me as well. I do find myself wondering and doubting just as others do. As lives curve balls come faster than you can catch many times… we find ourselves wondering how to piece together the shattered photos of the dreams that once seemed so close.
In just the last five years the stories of layoffs and struggling families alone can make you question what the future holds. I happened to be out lunch one day and ran across a waitress that began chatting a bit. She shared a snip it of her story… She had a few children of her own and later met a man, fell in love and they combined families as one. She went on to share details and that when things didn’t work out for her and this guy he left and left his kids. She was now not only caring for her own but these additional children and trying to make ends meet. In my head, I instantly think how this had to leave her in such a rough spot. However, this young lady went on to share that it hasn’t been easy, but God has continue to make away for her caring and providing for 7 children on her own. She is now in her early 40’s and making ends meet the best way she can. The thing that stood out most was her spirit and her uplifting nature. She didn’t let this situation bring her down and completely took everything back to God. She said the thing that kept her going was knowing these innocent children only had her to depend on. I just thought it was so touching and honest. I don’t think everyone would have been willing to take in the additional children and care for them versus attempting to get them to child protective services. I will randomly be dropping by surprises for her as her spirit touched mine.I share this as so many of us are going through things and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We won’t all get a lesson like this, but in whatever format it comes in… you may not feel ready or prepared, but best believe there is an end point.
In our ongoing search with faith, it will be tested and tested again. If we are to say we know Jesus and believe he can do anything. Do we believe he can heal cancer? Can people go from being homosexual to heterosexual? Can we love others as God truly loves us and not seek perfection in that person? I hear so many of us question if it is possible, but in the same breathe discuss the miracles of God. If our faith just needing a jolt or is our faith there?
My own faith has taken such hard hits over the years. I can name three times when I most certainly questioned it all. Once was when my mom got very sick while I was in college. At the time, I had a relationship with God, but wasn’t always so forthcoming with my struggle. The others were pertaining to deaths in the family. Anyone that knows me well, knows I haven’t always known how to deal with deaths occurring. In 2005 my maternal grandfather passed. He was the first person that passed in my family that left me questioning so much. I was so angry!!! I had never felt so much confusion and anguish. I was questioning why and everything else in the book. While dealing with that grief to only find out that my maternal grandmother had stage 4 cancer and it was just being diagnosed. She passed 6 months after my grandfather and man… it was a rough year. Trying to handle my own grief and be there for my mom and strong for the fam. It just all takes a toll. As many of you know, my father passed in 2011. I can’t say my faith was shaken as much by this point, but my relationship with God had grown. However, I did question a lot of things. I really found myself having to make time to pray and ask God for strength to return to work and be productive. I found myself either not sleeping or getting so tired to the point that I would only sleep. If I wouldn’t have looked to God for understanding, peace, trying to get my motivation back. I can see how people never get back to who they were as I find myself forever changed each time someone near and dear passes on.
The one thing I have found is that when I make time to get the word in, my faith seems stronger and stronger. It is when I am needing to water my roots and feed my spirit that my faith seems so dim. I believe we also have to find a way to let go of what we envision our life to be. I can honestly say, my life is nothing like what I envisioned. I am not saying I have a bad one, just not what I thought it would be at this time of my life. I can’t explain why things have or have not come together, but one thing I know for sure is that God has always come through. He didn’t show up on my timeline or anyone else’s, but all needs were spoken for.
We may never know why our relationships with some people didn’t last?? Why we aren’t in the field we thought we would be in??? Why we aren’t parents or married yet??? Why some of the things that happen in the world make it appear that evil is winning on the scoreboard… but I can say for sure that God is always there. Turn to him with your tears, fears, and be honest about what you need as all your wants just aren’t always what is best for us.
If you enjoyed reading this blog…feel free to check out The Power of Strongholds on page two of the site.